Cross Passions
by Missreadingfool
Summary: Ana Steele falls in love with Gideon Cross after breaking off her engagement with Christian Grey. Will Ana and Gideon have a HEA or will Christian win her back. (There is no Eva). I do not own any of these characters they belong to Sylvia Day and E. L. James. Rated M for Mature Adults.
1. Chapter 1

Cross Passions

**A/N: I do not own the characters from the FSOG trilogy or the Crossfire Series. They are owned by E.L James and Sylvia Day respectively. I am just enjoying them in my Playroom.**

Chapter One: Love Isn't Enough

Christian Grey stood at the floor to ceiling windows of his office staring at the city of Seattle as the street lights began to flicker on. It was a cool autumn evening and the fading light of the day danced on the fall colors of the trees. He felt lost. There was nothing to go home to. She had left him. She actually left him and what was worse; she refused to speak to him. He couldn't fix this problem. She didn't want to hear his excuses anymore. She finally had enough, packed her belongings leaving behind all that he had given her in the last year and half including her new car and left Escala. He learned later that her first night absent from his life that she checked into a hotel and then the next day moved into an apartment with her friend Hannah Lewis from work. This was only temporary until Ana could find her own apartment which of course she did within a week. Now the love of his life lived in the newest, hippest, singles only apartment complexes in the city called _Impetus. _Christian understood the all too well the Latin meaning behind the word impetus. Passion. The love of his life was living in a singles complex that catered to passion. She would have more than enough opportunity to move on and find new lovers and maybe even her future husband.

He poured himself a very generous amount of his finest bourbon and sat at his desk. The fiery liquid burned all the way down to the pit of his stomach. He drank more than he used to, but then again, there was no reason not to drink. His life was over. He fucked it up once again. He tried to fight the memories of that night, but they always found a way to push out the better memories. He was a stupid fucker and his subconscious was trying to tell him that fact over and over again. He shot back the rest of his liqueur and then threw the cut-crystal tumbler across the room not caring that it shattered into a million pieces. Shattered, just like his life. He knew that Ana was never a submissive. She didn't have a submissive bone in her beautiful tight body. She tried; he admitted to his demons, she did try, but that lifestyle was not something she was made for. Anastasia Rose Steele had a quick and deep mind that coupled with a strong determination to live her life as she wanted should have been his clue that she would never be a sub. She tried to tell him, but Christian was so sure that he could change her. She fought him every step of the way. The only place she was submissive was in the playroom, other than that, she basically told him to fuck off in concerns of all his regulations. She ate what she wanted, drove her own car, exercised when she felt like it at her own gym, she loved to go out dancing with her friends, and she refused to be a "kept" woman. She had a well-paying job at Washington Publishers or WP as the employees like to call it. She had started as an editor's assistant, but her love of books and knowledge of literature propelled her up the corporate ladder. Within six months she was promoted to Senior Lead Editor. Another three months she was sitting beside the President and CEO of WP, Rachel Crider as V.P. of Editorial Processes. As Christian learned, Ana was almost running the company as Rachel was preparing for the birth of her fifth child and did step in when Rachel took her maternity leave. That two month period of Rachel's maternity leave was what led to their problems. She was never home, always working, always traveling, and he fucked up. He let his demons of jealousy, drunkenness, and selfishness darken his life. He went to a club, got drunk and ended up in a dungeon beating the hell out of little brown hair, blue- eyed girl. There had been no sex, but unbeknown to him, there had been photographs taken. A few days later those photos were sent to Ana at her office and all hell broke loose. She moved out that evening, flipping him off and telling him to go straight to hell! "Fuck you, Grey. I hope you burn in hell for the pain and humiliation you have caused me. I always knew that I would never be enough for you." With those words, she took off her engagement ring and left it on the breakfast island of the kitchen.

The memories still hurt. The look in her blue eyes was a mixture of pain, hurt, anger, humiliation, and fear. He had hurt her so much. He should have followed his first instinct and left this beautiful, pure, and innocent girl alone, but he had to have her. He had to have her kisses, to taste her skin, and when he learned that she was a virgin, he had to claim that also. She would be completely his. For a Dom, that was the ultimate find. A virgin who had no experience and that could be trained for his specific needs and pleasures. Ana had been a virgin, but she refused to be trained to be his pet. She had ambitions and pride. She would never completely submit. She was strong in heart and spirit as well as beauty. She challenged him to be a better man. She forced him to confront those demons and try to defeat them. For awhile he was doing just that. He was so much in love with this siren that he wanted to marry her and have a normal life of home and hearth…well, with some kinky fuckery thrown in that they both enjoyed. Then, his jealousy and selfishness came back with a vengeance when her career began to blossom. He even tried to buy the company so he could control and protect her budding publishing career but the Crider family refused to sell. That had been another argument between Ana and Christian when she learned about his offer. They ended up sleeping apart for nearly a week until Christian apologized and begged her for her forgiveness. This had become the pattern of their lives toward the end of their relationship. He would do something to upset her, she would withhold her favors until he came crawling back to her then she would forgive him. That was until the club incident. She refused to forgive his bad behavior and she left. Left for good, lock, stock and barrel.

There was a knock at his office door and Taylor stepped in. He stood quietly in his dark suit. This was his way of telling Christian that it was time to go home. Christian sighed, left his chair, grabbed his suit jacket and followed Taylor. They didn't have to speak. Christian knew that Taylor thought him the biggest idiot that ever walked on the face of the earth. They stepped into the elevator and Taylor hit the buttons to take them directly to the basement garage without stopping at different floors.

"She is in New York taking meetings with different authors." Taylor informed him in a low monotone.

"Anyone with her?"

"Just Hannah Lewis, her PA."

Christian kept his eyes focused on the chrome doors before him. "Is she seeing anyone …romantically?"

"Not that we can find. She is very discreet in everything that she does. I know she knows that we are tracking her. She has changed her phone numbers and it is impossible to access her email accounts through WP. Their security is as tight, if not more so, than yours." Taylor was also looking forward being the stoic security detail that he was. "Like I said, Miss Steele knows that we are following her and she is quite resourceful in evading us."

Christian had to laugh. "She is that. A very remarkable woman."

"It's a shame you didn't understand that when she was yours." Taylor said boldly. "You managed to run off one of the finest ladies to ever grace this dark world…and for what? To beat a stupid girl who didn't give a damn about you except for whatever money or gifts she could get out of you."

"You have been holding that back for awhile." Christian said. He was not angry at Taylor for telling the truth. Their working relationship depended on that honesty and in truth; Jason Taylor was the only man that could speak so candidly with Christian without fear of retribution.

"Be glad that I have, because my first inclination was to beat the hell out of you for being a world class idiot." Jason was still looking forward. He had grown to adore Ana. She was sweet and kind; and she never looked down at him. She made his day a little bit brighter with her quick wit and big smile. When he and Gail got married, she was the one who made sure that they had a small but lovely reception and made arrangements for them to have a two-week honeymoon in Hawaii. "If I was you, I would walk on eggshells around Gail. She is apt to poison your food for making Ana leave."

"Crap, what has that woman done? My staff is turning against me."

"It's easy, Mr. Grey, she loved us and we loved her and you took her away from us. I don't know if Gail will ever forgive you. Also, we have a few leads on who sent those pictures to Miss Steele, but you're not going to like it." Taylor took another breath. "It looks like Elena Lincoln."

Christian let out a defeatist breath. "That fuckin' bitch finally did it."


	2. Chapter 2: Trying to Right a Wrong

Chapter Two: Trying to Right a Wrong

**Mission: Win back the lovely Anastasia Rose Steele**

**How: Hearts and Flowers**

**When: Every fucking day for the rest of my life!**

He was frustrated. Every olive branch that he extended in the form of dinner invitations, flowers, and gifts were rebuffed by his target. She refused to take his phone calls and he was persona non grata at her place of business. She warned WP's security that if they let Christian Grey into the Crider Building that she would have their heads on a platter. He couldn't get close to her. He even swallowed his pride and enlisted the help of his family, but she rebuked them also, but with her ladylike charm. She explained to Grace and Mia that she could no longer be with a man that she could not trust. She didn't come out and tell them that he cheated, but that was what they believed. He let them believe that, because he would rather they thought him an adulterer than a BDSM monster. In her own way, Ana had protected him.

His next ploy was more devious. If he couldn't get her attention personally, then he would go the professional route. He began to buy up publically traded shares of Washington Publishing quietly. He planned to buy enough stock so he would land a place on the Board of Directors and then he would have access to Ana. He didn't give Jeb and Rachel Crider enough credit and they began to buy up more of their stock to thwart his plans. They had rounded up the wagons and waited for the next strike against their company. He hated to do this, but he was obsessed. He had to have his Ana back at any cost to himself or others. He wouldn't not quit until she was back where she belonged by his side and in his bed. He turned to speaking to other stockholders and pressured them to sell their stocks. He was getting closer and closer to the goal of owning thirty percent of the stock. A few of the larger stockholders refused to even to meet with Christian so he was finding himself stonewalled. He had to admire Jeb Crider, he knew who his loyal friends were and they refused to sell. However, when the word hit the business world that Crider Industries, especially Washington Publishing was under attack, Christian knew that he was getting closer as Jeb Crider began to panic and had to call in favors.

Ana knew what was going on and she had an idea who the culprit was that was trying to raid WP. She blamed herself and many times reached for her phone to call Christian and beg him to back off but her pride wouldn't let her. She had made a clean break and she didn't want to return to a man that she couldn't trust. She knew what he was doing. He wanted to get control of the company so he could get control of her. She went to Jeb and told him her suspicions. He then decided to send her to New York to meet with prospects for new authors to add to their stables and to enlist the help of one of his dearest friends who held a great majority of the stock that Christian would need to take over WP. He told her to explain everything to this gentleman and get his promise not to sell to Christian Grey.

Before she left Seattle for her mission to save her career and the company that she loved, Ana did schedule a meeting with Christian but not at either of their offices, but in a public venue. She chooses one of her favorite restaurants, a French bistro called La Petite that was close to the Pike Market District. Ana demanded a lunch meeting so he would only waste an hour of her time and she had an excuse to leave.

Ana arrived first and took her seat at their reserved table which was discreetly tucked away from the main dining area. She didn't want anyone noticing them and selling pictures to the paparazzi and having the media outlets reporting that they were reconciling. She was sipping her usual Twinnings English Breakfast Tea when her ex-fiancé arrived at their table with a big smile. Christian was as charming as ever and leaned down and brushed his lips against her offered cheek, then sat down as he unbuttoned his suit jacket. She noticed that he wore his black three piece suit with a black linen shirt and that grey tie. Her big blue eyes were locked on that tie as the memories raced through her head. She felt her insides get warmer. He still affected her. Her betraying body yearned for his touch. She pressed her thighs together to squelch the fire in her groin.

"You look beautiful, Anastasia." He drawled in his sex laden voice. He was dripping with sexuality. "I would love to throw you on this table and make love to you all afternoon."

Ana laughed. "I do not think the patrons of this respectable business would appreciate that, Mr. Grey. Please, remember that you are a respected businessman and I am establishing a career in publishing. The last thing we need is a charge of indecent exposure."

He granted her request and kept his hands to himself, but his eyes undressed her. He licked those full manly lips in anticipation of tasting her sweet skin. He had plans of taking her back to Escala after lunch and ravishing her in their bed. She would have to call in to her office that she was taking the rest of the day off. The waiter stopped by to take his drink order and he requested their most expensive bottle of wine. Ana was not impressed however said nothing. She did not drink during the workday.

"I do believe that this is yours." Christian declared as he placed a red velvet jeweler's box in front of her on the table. He opened it and turned it to face her. It was her engagement ring. "I think it's time for you to return home, Ana. You made your point. I was a bad boy and you have punished me enough."

She stared at the ring. Yes, it was lovely with its three carat center diamond that was surrounded by another two carats of smaller diamonds on a gold band. She looked up to Christian. "I am not coming back to you, Christian. You cannot be trusted and I refuse to marry a man that I cannot trust." She pushed the lid down and moved the box back to his side of the table. "I did not request this meeting to discuss our failed engagement, but to ask you to leave Jeb and Rachel's company alone. They have done nothing to you."

"Done." He said sternly getting angry that she did not accept his ring immediately. "I will back off if you come home and put that ring back on your finger."

"Damn it Christian, are you even hearing me? We are not getting married."

"Yes, we are, or we will be as soon as you choose the date and we can get it planned." He cocked his head to the side. "Or would you rather we just flew down to Vegas and get married there?"

Ana was frowning making that delightful "v" in the middle of her eyebrows. "We are not getting married in Vegas or anywhere else. Christian, get it through your thick skull, we are not getting married. You lost that right when you went to that club and bought yourself a sub." Her voice was in a whisper but it was still stern. "Why don't you go back to her and beat her ass a delightful pink and leave me the hell alone?"

He sat back in his chair in a lazy relaxed way. He crossed his legs with his ankle lying on his knee. He saw the waiter coming back with his wine. He kept staring at Ana as the waiter poured a small amount of wine into a glass and offered it to Christian to taste. It was fine and Christian motioned the waiter to pour. Ana refused the wine which only angered Christian further. When the waiter left, Christian was still in his relaxed stance but his grey eyes were wild in fury. "You refuse my phone calls, you refuse to meet with me, you refuse my love and devotion, you refuse to wear my ring, and now you refuse to share this delicious and delightful wine. Are you trying to destroy me, Ana? Is that what you want?"

"And, do you blame me, Christian? What if the roles were reversed and I went to a club and hired a man to satisfy my needs, would you be forgiving? Hell no, you would have killed that man and probably me." She took a deep breath and calmed her nerves and let her temper cool. This was time for a level head. "I will not return to you. Your phone calls will not be accepted. I never want to see you again unless it is at a social occasion that we both must attend, and your love and devotion is a fuckin' joke. You don't know what love and devotion is. You are a selfish man, Christian Grey and you need to learn that the whole fucking world does not revolve around you and your whims, so you can take your damn ring and shove it up your ass. I will not marry you." She picked up her purse and stood. "Leave the Criders alone. They have done nothing to you. If you continue to go after them, then I will just resign my position and move on."

Christian shot to his feet. Ana couldn't leave Seattle. She had to stay so he could have a chance to show her that he was devoted to her and that his love was real. Her words did wound him, but she had every right to express them for he had been foolish and damaged their life together. He reached out to touch her cheek but she avoided his fingertips. She couldn't even stand his touch. "Ana, please don't leave me." He whispered. "I am so sorry for what I did. I can fix this, baby. Just let me prove that I can fix this."

"You are such a child, Christian. Do you think saying I'm sorry will make all the pain go away. You broke my heart, Christian. You tore my fucking heart out of my chest and stomped on it!" She stepped away from him. She was shocked that there were no tears. She had cried enough over this selfish and broken man. She could not heal him, he was to diseased with darkness and it wasn't her job to heal him. He had to do it himself. "Goodbye, Mr. Grey. I hope you find some happiness in your miserable life." She turned on her Louboutin heel and left the restaurant without having her lunch. She slid into the waiting limousine that was already packed with her luggage and she was taken to SEA-TAC for her flight to New York.


	3. Chapter 3: New York

Chapter Three: New York

New York in the winter was quite lovely. A gentle snow had covered the city with a blanket of white and got people thinking about the upcoming Holiday Season. Ana awoke to the glorious view of Central Park from the Crider Penthouse that was in the Crossings apartment complex. She sat up in bed and stretched. She would have a busy couple of days with meetings at Crider East with five authors that could be the newest stars in the literature world and she wanted to get them signed up with WP. A knock came at the door, and a petite blonde haired maid stepped in with a breakfast tray. "Good Morning Inez." Ana said smiling. She did like this woman who took care of the Penthouse for the Criders and always made her feel right at home when she had to use the Penthouse for business. "You didn't have to bring me breakfast in bed."

"Mr. and Mrs. Crider ordered it, Miss Ana. They want me to make sure that you are pampered and well taken care of." The woman gave a tender, motherly smile that made her appear much younger than the fifty-three years old that she was. Inez had been with the Criders ever since they were married and was sent back East to care for their New York penthouse when she told them that her family needed her back in New York. They were more than happy to keep her on the payroll because she had been a faithful and loyal employee and friend. Jeb wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he let Inez go to New York without some employment. She was offered the job of being the caretaker of their New York Penthouse and was allowed to live there and use it as her own. Inez placed the bed tray across Ana's slim lap. "I am sorry about you and Mr. Grey."

Ana shook her head. "Don't be, Inez. It is for the best that this happened now instead of after we got married." She looked down to see her favorite breakfast of two pancakes with three slices of bacon and a serving of scrambled eggs. "Oh, Inez, this looks and smells delicious."

Inez was told about the breakup between Mr. Grey and Miss Ana and it broke her heart. She thought they made a striking couple and they seem to be in so much love. She looked over the pretty little miss and saw the strength that she had missed before during other visits. Ana was much stronger and seemed very confident. "Just call me when you are done and I will come for the dishes."

"There's no need, Inez. I will bring them to you after I get cleaned up." Ana gave the kind lady a gentle smile. "Oh, yes, I will not be here for dinner tonight. I have a dinner meeting."

"Thank you for letting me know."

Ana ate her breakfast then she showered, dressed, and put on a little makeup after doing her hair. She had a long day of meetings then her dinner meeting with Jed's friend to try to save WP. She just hoped that she would find a few moments during the day to take a breather.

Ana was early for her dinner at Harrow's, a Fifth Avenue restaurant that Jed and Rachel adored. She gave her name to the maitre de who fussed over her when he realized that she part of Crider Industries. She was shown to a beautiful table that was tucked away in a private alcove. She ordered a white wine and then checked her emails. She was reading a message from Kate who wanted to plan a girl's night out when she came back from New York when a shadow crossed over her phone. She looked up to see one of the most attractive men she had ever seen. He was tall, dark, and dangerous with shoulder length glossy black hair and intense electric blue eyes. Her own sky blue eyes scanned up and down his body. He had broad shoulders which his black suit fit perfectly. He was made to wear such a suit. He was elegant yet still rough and wild.

"Good evening." His voice was deep and smooth. "I am Gideon Cross. I believe we have dinner plans."

Ana smiled at him and extended her hand. "Welcome Mr. Cross, I am Anastasia Steele. It is a pleasure to meet you. Please have a seat."

"Thank you, Miss Steele." He unbuttoned his coat and sat across from her. His sharp eyes swept over her. She was a pretty little thing with her big bright blue eyes that reminded him of a clear sky and silky long brown hair that flowed over her shoulders. He noticed that smile that lit up the room and for some reason made him feel warm all over. He noticed that their waiter stood beside the table. "I would like a white wine."

"Yes, sir." He gave them menus and took the time to steal a look at the pretty brunette.

Ana only smiled at the waiter and her attention went to the menu. "Have you lived in New York City all your life?"

"Mostly, except for college." He looked over his menu and smiled at her. "I met Jed there my freshman year."

"Jed is a wonderful man. His wife Rachel is my boss and I am completely in awe of her." Ana licked her lower lip then bit down on it as she considered her choices for dinner.

"Would you like me to order for us? I have dined here before and they have delicious steaks."

"That would be excellent." She said sweetly.

The waiter came back with Gideon's wine and asked them if they were ready to order. Gideon ordered for them both a steak with mushrooms, baby potatoes with basil, and asparagus with hollandaise sauce. He handed their menus back to the waiter. He sat back and looked her over once again. "Are you married?"

"No, Mr. Cross. " Ana said lowly while memories of Christian was kept at bay by her thinking of her job and the future of WP. "And, you?"

"Never been married."

Ana only nodded hearing the relief in his voice that he had avoided marriage. She understood for she was relieved that she saw Christian as he truly was and avoided more heartbreak and a divorce down the road. "I guess I will just dive into why Jed and Rachel sent me to speak to you." She took a deep breath. "Crider Industries is in trouble, actually WP. Rachel is battling a hostile take-over and they are hoping that you will not sell your stock in WP to anyone. Before, you say anything, I believe you should know who is trying to take over WP and why. The reason why is me and the who is Christian Grey."

"Why would Christian Grey want a publishing house? That is not his usual type of business he goes after. He usually sticks to hard industry."

"He is my ex-fiancé and this is his way to try to get control over me." She was completely honest with Gideon in hopes that he would understand that Jed and Rachel needed his help. "He told me if I would return to him that he would stop buying up all the Crider stock he can get his hands on."

Gideon couldn't believe that a powerhouse like Christian Grey was basing his business decisions on pure personal reasons. "And, you don't want to return to him, correct?"

"Correct." She said as she reached for wine glass. "I know he won't stop until he gets control of WP and I will probably be out of a job unless you stop him by not selling your shares to him or anyone even though the shares are dropping in value."

"Please tell Jed and Rachel that I will not sell my shares." He took a drink of his wine. "Will you be alright?"

"In the long run, yes I will. I have a head-hunter scouting for a comparable job anywhere in the United States or England. I hope to be moving in a few months from Seattle even though I will miss my family and friends."

"But, you can't stay in Seattle with Grey."

She nodded.

"What if I offer you a job here in New York? I have a publishing house and we can always use an exceptional editor."

"Mr. Cross, I am not an editor, I am the Vice-President of Editorial Services at WP. I also stand in for Rachel while she is on maternity leave."

"That is very impressive for one so young. You are what, twenty-three?" She nodded agreement. He considered her very exceptional to rise so fast in WP. She had to be very efficient and knowledgeable for Rachel to trust her with so much responsibility. "I will find you a position that is comparable to your duties at WP."

"And, why would you want to do that? You don't know me or anything about me."

"True, but I know Jed and Rachel and if they trust you, then I can trust you." His blue eyes raked over her with something more than admiration. There was lust in his eyes. He wanted Anastasia Steele in New York City with him. He didn't understand why he felt that way. He just met this woman and for some reason he felt the need to protect her. "I would like you to come to the Crossfire Building tomorrow at eleven. We can discuss your future with Cross Industries."

"I will be there, Mr. Cross. Thank you for this opportunity. How long do you believe our meeting will take? I have to be at the Kennedy by 4 to catch my flight to Seattle."

"Do not worry about that. I will take care of your travel arrangements. I have a fleet of private jets that can take you back to Seattle whenever you need or want. I will also take care of your unused airline ticket, so you won't have any problems."

Ana was about to say something when their food arrived. The steak was sizzling and she found that she was hungry. She was at ease with Gideon Cross and he didn't make her so nervous to where she couldn't eat. "You are very kind, Mr. Cross."

"Please call me Gideon."

"Only if you will address me as Ana." She replied with her own smile that touched Gideon. His eyes could not leave the sight of her lips. Such pretty lips that were made to be kissed and he wanted to kiss them.

Gideon gave a smile that rivaled the sun and could melt the coldest of hearts. Ana found him very attractive. He looked dangerous, but he has a soft side to him that she found very attractive. She just wondered how long that sweetness lasted. She could tell that he was a powerful man who was used to getting what he wanted. She knew from his reputation that not many people got anything over Gideon Cross and that he could be ruthless in business. He had a reputation as a cold blooded businessman who did not mix business with pleasure, nor did he mix his female friends with his romantic escapades. Rachel told her that Gideon separated sex from friendships. She also warned Ana not to fall under the spell of Gideon Cross because he was a confirmed bachelor. "I am sure that Rachel has warned you off of me. She might adore me, but she does not always agree with my lifestyle choices."

"Gideon, your personal life is your personal life. I only want employment if you truly have a position for me. I do not want you to create one for me. But, my greatest wish is that you stop Christian Grey from hurting people that we both think very highly of."

"No one, not ever the great Christian Grey will do harm to Jed and Rachel." He said deeply. "And, as for my personal life and you…I do believe you will be in my personal life, Ana."

"What makes you think that?" Her eyes sparkled with devilment. She bit her lip as her body began to respond to the pheromones that he was sending off. There was a sexual charge between them.

"I don't think anything, Ana. I know. I know that tonight I am taking you home with me and I am going to fuck you."

Ana began to laugh. "Really, Mr. Cross, does that approach really work for you?" She was smiling but still biting that lip. "Please, don't ever underestimate me. I may seem petite and helpless, but I have been living with Christian Grey for over a year and I am much stronger than I look." Her eyes changed and became hard. Her stature changed to a cold businesswoman. "I am also very well trained in self-defense and I have no qualms of beating down anyone who tries to touch me without my permission."

Gideon couldn't help but laugh because she was so small. "And, who taught you this self-defense, a DVD program?"

Ana bit the inside of her cheek as she counted to ten. "My father who was a Special Ops specialist in the Army taught me self-defense and how to use firearms."

Gideon knew that he had insulted her. "I apologize Ana." He knew she was not like most women who fell under his spell and he could get into bed in one evening. Ana was not a woman who would be a one-night stand. To have her company she would want some kind of commitment. He wondered how Christian Grey lost her. If she was his, Gideon wouldn't let her go. He would do anything to keep her even putting a ring on her finger and sharing his name with her. Gideon felt his heart burst when this thought crossed his mind. He never considered marriage with any woman but this little slip of girl had him thinking of a life with her. She would be a balm to him and she would also be a passionate lover. There was something about her that made him want to know her better and discover that passion that was in her. He wanted her. "If I have offended you it was not my intention. You are a beautiful woman and yes, I would like to get to know you better." He reached across the table and took her hand into his large paw. "Will you stay in New York City and give me a chance to learn about Anastasia Steele?"

Ana consider his words and studied his actions. "I will meet with you tomorrow and we will see what happens. If I like your proposal for employment then I might stay in New York City, but I can't make you any promises for anything else."

Gideon only smiled. He was going to make sure that she stayed in New York and he was going to make sure that Ana Steele would be his.


	4. Chapter Four: Changing

**A/N: FSOG characters are owned by the talented E.L. James and The Crossfire characters are owned by Sylvia Day. I am only borrowing them to play with in my Playroom. Let the games begin...**

Chapter Four: Changing

Ana landed at SEA-TAC feeling good for her employers, their hard work to build their modest empire would be kept safe. She was escorted from a Cross Industries, Inc. company jet and whisked away in a limousine that was waiting for her on the tarmac. She went straight to WP to give Jed the news. He met her in Rachel's office with a big smile and a hug.

"Thank you, Ana. Gideon called me and let me know that all will be alright." Ana could see the relief on his face.

"How are Rachel and the baby? I bet Braeden is growing like a weed."

"That he is." The proud father said. "He looks just like Rachel."

"What else did Cross tell you?" Ana asked as she sat to rest her tired feet.

Jed sat on the edge of his wife's desk. He lost his smile. "I know that he has offered you a job in New York. Are you going to take it?"

"It's a wonderful opportunity and it takes you off Grey's bull's eye if I'm not working here." She said shrugging her shoulders. "We both know that Christian will not relent unless I go back to him or if I leave. I will not let you and Rachel be punished because I refuse to stay with Grey."

Jed took a deep breath as he considered his next words. "Listen, I consider Gideon a great friend, but I also want to protect you. Gideon is difficult at best. Be careful with him. He is very charming but he has some demons to work through. I know you are a grown woman and your decisions are your own, but just tread lightly with Cross. Don't become one of his conquests and end up broken."

"I already told Gideon never to underestimate me just because I am petite. Remember, Jed, dynamite comes in small packages," She giggled making him laugh out loud.

"Oh yeah…I know." He knew that Ana was much stronger than she appeared. She did survive Christian Grey and did this while running WP. "Maybe I should call Cross and warn him about you."

Ana laughed turning a slight pink. She stood up and gave Jed a kiss on the cheek. "I need to take the rest of the day off. I have some decisions to make and if I do go to New York, I have to figure out what to do with my apartment and furniture."

"If you go, I will take care of the apartment for you. I know the owners and I am sure I can get you out of your lease."

"You don't have to do that, Jed. This isn't your problem. If anything you and Rachel should be upset with me for bringing these problems to you." She reached out and took his hand. "I am so very sorry for all this grief that Christian has subjected you to. I never thought in a million years that he would do anything like this."

"Ana, he is doing whatever he needs to do to get you back. He realizes what he has lost because of his own stupidity and I don't blame him. If Rachel left me, I would move heaven and earth to get her back." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Now, get out of here."

Ana went to her apartment and changed into her work-out clothes. She decided to go to her trainer's gym instead of using the gym in her building. She wanted to see if she could get Richard Hanson, an Army friend of Ray's to spar with her.

Ops had become a very successful gym that ex-military and active service military visited regularly. The owner/operator/trainer Richard Hanson was a good friend of Ray Steele. He had known Ana since Ray had married the lovely Carla and adopted Ana when she was only eight months old. With Ray, Richard made sure that Ana could protect herself. He had been training her ever since she could walk.

"Uncle Richard." Ana said as she approached her godfather. He was a damn handsome man with his chocolate colored hair and those topaz colored eyes. He was over six foot tall with body sculptured by life, the military, and his gym. For being in his forties, he had a better body then some twenty year olds. Richard turned and smiled when he realized that his god-daughter was in the house. He picked her up and swung her around. "How are you Unc?"

"Doing well. Look we have a full house. Business is doing great." He was so proud of his establishment. "So what brings you down here in the middle of the day?"

"I needed to blow off some steam and do some thinking."

Richard considered her carefully. She was stressed. He could feel that when he picked her up. "Ray told me about Grey. What a shit he turned out to be."

"Shit happens, Unc. But, I have to move on. Life is too short to sit around and cry tears over a man who isn't worth it."

"Good girl. I knew you wouldn't waste time pining over someone who isn't worthy of you." He clapped his hands together. "Okay, soldier, what do you want to do? Some kickboxing or do you want to hit the treadmill?"

"Kickboxing. I have some pent up aggression I need to work through then maybe I can think clearly."

It was a great session working out. She felt cleansed and ready to take on the world. After she showered and changed she walked out of the women's lockers to find her godfather. She smiled as she approached him. "Thanks Unc." She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You did good, kiddo. Some damn good kicks. Ray should have made you sign up for the Army, you could have been our new secret weapon…Anbo" He laughed at his own play on words. "You get it…Rambo…Anbo?"

"Really Richard, you need to watch some newer movies." She shook her head and then said her goodbyes. She was feeling good as she rode the elevator down to the basement garage. With a press of a button she unlocked her new pick-up truck. She loved her red Dodge Ram that took her everywhere she wanted to go. She had 4-wheel drive on demand and could easily get to her favorite spots to hike or go horseback riding. She climbed up into the cab, shut the door, and like her father trained her hit the door locks. "Never sit in an unlock vehicle, Ana." He would say over and over again. "Get in, get started, and drive. Don't ever sit there doing your check book or talking on the phone. That shit can wait until you get home. A lone woman in a parked car is a target for some damn sicko." She was about to back out of her parking spot when a knock came at her window. She jumped when she heard the noise and then lost her breathe when she saw copper hair and those grey eyes. Christian Grey in the flesh! She waved him away but he only stood there shaking his head. She lowered her window just enough so he could hear her. "Will you leave me alone? Now move so I can leave."

"We need to talk." He growled as he crossed his massive arms over his impressive chest.

"We have said all that there is to say, Christian. Now, get out of my way." She rolled up her window, turned up the radio which was blasting some Blake Shelton and backed up. She drove around him and out of the garage into the traffic of Seattle. He had to be following her once again. She knew from the moment that she walked out of Escala that his security team had been following her. She used her skills that Ray taught her and was good at losing them. She knew that she probably earned Taylor and his team a few ass-chewings from their boss. Ana drove straight to her apartment complex and there make her decisions that could change her life. When she got into her apartment she checked her email and messages on her laptop while her phone charged.

_Gideon: Decided?_

She smiled. His IM message was short and sweet. He was a man of few words, but at least he spoke.

She fired up her email program and shot one off to Gideon Cross.

**To: Gideon Cross**

**Subject: Deciding now**

**From: Ana Steele**

**Date: November 5, 2012 6:45pm**

**Message:**

**Gideon,**

**Still weighing different options, but you will be the first to know my decision. Thank you for a wonderful weekend in NYC. You are a wonderful tourist guide. **

**Ana**

**Anastasia R. Steele, V.P. Washington Publishing, Inc.**

After sending off her mail she closed down the program. Work will wait until tomorrow. She padded into her kitchen and found a wine glass and a chilled bottle of white wine. She sat on her sofa in the dark and watched the lights of Seattle twinkle in the darkness. She weighed all her options. She could be working in NYC and living in one the most exciting cities in the world. Gideon was also an added incentive. He was exciting and so damn sexy. She could see herself having a hot, passionate affair with the man. His demeanor and body promised mind-blowing sex that would leave any woman breathless. However, the warnings from Rachel and Jed kept walking through her mind. Gideon had secrets and a dark side. He used women sexually but only those who were not considered friends. She wondered why he kept his sexual relationships so close to the vest. If he was seen in public with a woman, he was usually with a family friend or a business associate and she was only accompanied him to a social and business event. He didn't date. He didn't have a significant other. There were no children. She decided he had commitment issues. That didn't bother Ana; she was a little gun-shy after Christian. She wasn't looking for a serious relationship. She needed to keep a clear head if she was going to move clear across the country and start a new job. Trying to start any serious relationship with anyone would more than difficult, but a little sex on the side might be just what the Doctor ordered. She could get her groove on then be out the door before morning and wouldn't have to deal with relationship stresses. She took a sip of wine. Gideon Cross and sex, the two seemed to go together, but then there was the problem that she would be working for him. She didn't want to be accused of sleeping her way into a job. This decision was going to be more difficult than she thought. She better sleep on this.

By the end of the week, the decision was made. She was going to New York. That was the strong decision. Gideon on the other hand was another problem. She was turned on by him, but having any relationship with him could be detrimental to her career.


	5. Chapter Five: Tears and Goodbyes

Chapter Five: Tears and Goodbyes

As promised Jed got her out of her lease and offered their Penthouse in New York for her new residence. She declined that offer so he had a realtor friend find her an apartment. Oddly enough her new apartment was in a building that Gideon Cross owned. From the online video she knew she got a lovely apartment. Her old apartment was packed up and sent across the country. She moved in with her good friend Kate Kavanagh who she lived with during their four years of college. Her only problem with this arrangement was that Kate was dating Elliot Grey, Christian's older brother. But, she decided that she could live with this arrangement for a few days or so.

Kate cried when told that her best friend was moving to New York City. She blamed Christian for this since his behavior was what led Ana to want to leave Seattle. However, Kate insisted that Ana's last few days be full of fun times with her friends. Almost every night they went out drinking and dancing.

Ana was just a few hours from having to head off to the SEA-TAC to catch her plane to her new life in New York City. Kate moped around the apartment in her bunny flannels that she always wore during the sad times in her life such as a fight with her mother or a break-up with some guy that broke her heart. Ever since Kate started dating Elliot those bunny flannel sleeping pants were hardly seen. Kate sat on the sofa holding a pillow and fought those tears.

"Listen Kate, me moving to New York is a good thing. You can visit and we go shopping at Macy's or Barney's and let's not forget New York nightlife!"

"But, you will be so far away. I always thought that we would marry those Grey boys and we would be sisters forever. I could just kill Christian for being such an ass." She threw the pillow onto the floor. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, do you really want to move and forget about Christian?"

"I don't want to move away from family and friends, but I can't stay in Seattle. Christian has caused problems with Jed and Rachel and he has made sure that I can't get another job in the city. I will not be intimidated by him any further or forced to go back to him. I refuse to live like that and if that is his true nature, then he is not the man I want. I have to have my independence." She looked around the apartment which had been her first home in Seattle after graduating college even though she only spent little time here. Her time was spent at Escala with Christian and slowly but surely her belongings were moved into the penthouse and she was living with Christian. When they broke up, she had all her belongings from Escala sent to her new apartment. "I'm going to miss you Kate."

"Then don't go. Stay here in Seattle with me. I am sure Dad could find you a job. Christian can't influence him."

"Kate, I want this. New York City is the publishing capital of the world. I could be working with some of the finest authors of our time." She gave her a smile. "I promise I will call and we can Skype and there will be trips back and forth. I have to come back for Dad."

They broke into tears and held each other. They stayed on the sofa for an hour just crying. Ana was already packed and ready to leave. Her driver would be there soon to take her to her plane.

"We need ice-cream." Kate declared as she wiped her salty tears from her face. She hopped up from the sofa and went to the freezer and found double chocolate brownie ice cream. Ana had to laugh as Kate returned with two spoons stuck in the carton of the ice-cream. They were digging in when the doorbell rang. Ana told Kate to let her answer the door one last time. The tears began again. Ana opened the door expecting either Hannah or Ethan, but there stood Christian Grey dressed in black jeans, with a white linen shirt that was unbuttoned at the neck. As always his hair was tossed about and his eyes were still that beautiful grey that she loved.

"Can I come in, Ana?" He asked with sadness in his voice. She knew that he had learned that she was moving on.

"Christian, I am having some girl time with my bestie right now. I wish you would just leave."

Christian Grey was not accustomed to being denied. He stood straighter and went into his Dominant stance. "I will not ask again."

"This is not your apartment, Mr. Grey." Kate's shrill voice filled the apartment. "Don't make me call the police and have you escorted off the premises."

Christian was visibly getting annoyed. "I just want to say goodbye."

Ana stepped out of the apartment and pulled the door close. "Alright, say goodbye."

"Ana, don't do this. You can't leave me." His moods were all over the place. One moment friendly, the next he is hard and controlling then annoyed and now he looks like he is almost moved to tears. "I can't live without you. I know I fucked up. Please forgive me."

"Alright, you are forgiven." Ana said lowly. "But, I will never forget that you betrayed us. You were right Christian; I should have run away from you because you did destroy me. Because of you I have to leave Seattle to protect my friends and for a job."

"I have stopped going after WP. I swear I have."

"It's too late for us. I have seen how low you can go and I will not be a part of it. You kept telling me that I was saving you but guess what; Christian…it's not my job to save you. You need to save yourself! I am moving to New York and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it."

Christian fought his urge to grab her and throw her over his shoulder and carry her off to his car. He knew he could easily over-power her, but he wanted her to come to him willingly. He never forced women to do his bidding. "I will always love you, Ana." He declared with all his heart.

"Yes, I can see how much that love means to you. I saw it in those photographs that were sent to me." She had kept her hand on the doorknob. "Goodbye, Christian." She pushed the door open to have it hit Kate in the head.

"Ana, there will never be anyone else for me." He offered. "Never."

"That is your decision, Mr. Grey, however I suggest that you move on with your life and let me do the same." With those words she went into Kate's apartment and shut the door. She stood against it as Kate was holding her head from the door bump. Ana began to cry then slid down the door to the floor where she let the sobs go. Kate went to Ana forgetting about her injury from eavesdropping and kneeled before her.

"He is an asshole." Kate said lowly. "He is just trying to upset you, girl. Just forget about him."

"I will never forget Christian Grey. He was my first love and my first lover. A part of me will always love him." She let Kate wipe away her tears. "But these are the last tears I will shed over that man." She sniffed. "But, you look after him, won't you? You and Elliot? Don't let him get like he was before."

Kate knew that Ana still cared for Christian. She nodded agreement even though Christian was not her favorite person in the world. "We will look after him while you are gone. Just come back to us once in awhile. Maybe some time away will help you both and you can find your way back to each other."

Ana shook her head. "It's over Kate. I cannot marry a man that can't be faithful. I will not be my mother and marry over and over again." She slowly stood. "I better get my things together. The driver will be here soon." This sent Kate into another round of crying and hugging. Ana held her close and let her tears flow. "I will always love you, Kate. You are more than a friend, you are my sister."

"I will come to New York as soon as I can." Kate promised. "And, we will call each other all the time."

They stayed in their embrace for a few more minutes until Ana had to gather the rest of her belongings. She placed her laptop into her carryon bag and made sure she had her phone. "It's almost time to go."

Kate felt her stomach twirl. She didn't want to say goodbye. Ana couldn't leave her. There was so much they still had to do together. "I can't say goodbye. It's too final."

"Then just say, "I'll see you later".

"I'll see you later." Kate repeated as tears welled up in her eyes. "You will be missed."

"I will miss you also." Ana gave her a hug as a knock came at the door. It was time to go."Later's baby." She turned and opened the door and within seconds Ana Steele was gone and she never looked back knowing that she would start crying all over again.


	6. Chapter Six: A New Life

**A/N: All FSOG characters are owned by E.L. James and Crossfire characters are owned by Sylvia Day. Story Plot belongs to me. **

Chapter Six: A New Life

New York during the Holiday Season was magical. There seemed to be a thread of intense energy that flowed through the city. This energy kept Ana going as she moved into her new apartment and settled into her job as Vice-President of Cross Publishing, Inc. or CPI, as Gideon called it. She replaced the retiring V.P. who decided that thirty-four years in the publishing business was enough and he was ready to retire to a nice sunny tropical island with his wife. Ana, being well-trained by Rachel stepped easily into the role of V.P. She answered only to the President of CPI, Dalton Kemper and of course the CEO of Cross Industries, Gideon Cross. By Christmas she was established as a fireball of energy that knew her business and no one crossed her or questioned her decisions. She worked with editing and procuring new and exciting authors. She was even able to lure some established authors from their publishing home to sign with CPI. Gideon sat back and enjoyed his good fortune of having Anastasia Steele handed over to him on a silver platter.

Ana made friends at work and in her building. She didn't stay home crying in her hot tea over Christian Grey and leaving Seattle. Her new friends and Gideon kept her busy. She enjoyed nights out with the ladies, nice dinners with Gideon, and she enjoyed that she could get the best seats for Broadway Shows with her connections to Cross Industries. Her other love was Central Park. There she could walk or do her jogging. She also took trips to Rockefeller Center for ice skating and when she was told about The Riverdale Equestrian Center she went horseback riding when she could schedule it into her life. In New York City, Ana Steele found herself. She was a strong, independent woman who was succeeding in her career but there was one problem. Sleep did not come easy for her. She spent most of her free nights at home reading trying to avoid her bed and those horrible dreams that began to plague her when she moved. She would wake up in a cold sweat and crying. The dream was the same one every night. He was coming for her. He took her away from her home and kept her tied to a bed in a windowless room. She would awaken when she heard the sound of flogger hitting and marking her skin. Ana lived on caffeine, pure endurance and ambition to make up for her loss of sleep!

Christmas came and went and everyone's attention went the New Year's Eve. Ana flew back to Seattle for a few days to celebrate Christmas with Kate and Ray, and then went to Savannah to see her mother and Bob. She returned to New York City the day before New Year's Eve to have Gideon meet her at Kennedy. She offered her cheek to him for a friendly kiss and let him lead her to the awaiting limousine.

"Did you have a pleasant flight?" Gideon asked as they sped through New York traffic.

"Yes, I did and thank you Gideon for the use of your jet." She sat back glad to be back in her adopted hometown. She loved New York City! "It was wonderful to see Kate and Elliot and of course seeing Dad is always special. Mom and Bob were well and I think I might have her talked into visiting me in the spring."

Gideon reached over and took her hand. "You have unlimited access to the jet if you want to fly her up here."

"The perks that come with this job!" She teased. "You do treat your employees very well."

"I try." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. "Are you too tired for dinner tonight?"

"Actually, I am exhausted. However, why don't you join me for a home-cooked meal? It won't be anything fancy, but it will be good." She smiled at this dark haired, blue-eyed god that seemed to have an interest in her. He took her out for dinners and she accompanied him to industry and charity dinners, but he never tried to take her to bed even though he flirted with her. She talked to Rachel about that and was told that she had been placed in his "friends" category. Ana accepted this position since she was more interested in her career than having another relationship with a super-rich hot CEO. She didn't have the time to cater to any man's whims and from her experience with Christian Grey, these billionaires were high-maintenance.

"I tell you what, I will order food in for us then you don't have to cook. You can just relax."

"Chinese?" She asked more than interested in his idea.

"Whatever my girl wants." Gideon said with a smile. His intense blue eyes looked over her. He did consider her his girl. He had kept himself under control around her because she was still getting over Grey and getting accustomed to her new life in New York. For now, she was in

his"friends" category but he felt soon she would be more. She wouldn't go into the "fucking file" as Rachel called his fuck buddies, but she would be his girlfriend. The thought shocked him, because he had never wanted a girlfriend or relationship with any woman after his ill-fated engagement to Corrine. But, there was something special about Anastasia Steele. She made him happy with a smile. Her touch calmed his anger. She could make him laugh with her stories from her childhood thru to her life in college with the tenacious Kate Kavanagh. He also found her very beautiful and damn sexy. He was attracted to her delicate features such as her raspberry colored lips, and that pert little nose, but her eyes were amazing, blue, a sky blue that took his breath away when he stared into them. He also loved her legs when she wore those slim, tight pencil skirts with her thigh high stockings. He knew they were thigh highs because he had seen the garter straps one day when she sat down and her skirt rode to high up her thigh. He nearly combusted with want for her. Stockings and garters were his downfall! He leaned into her. "Chinese it is." His lips were so close to hers and it was tempting to capture her mouth and kiss her into next week. He backed away. "We are here."

Ana took a deep breath to steady her heart. He was almost kissing her and that frightened her. She was still more concern about her career than starting a relationship with any man including Gideon Cross. She wanted to concentrate on their business relationship. She had to prove to people that she got her position on her merits and not because she was fucking the boss. As she got out of the car she thanked the stars that he backed off. She didn't know if she could resist him. He was so handsome and Lord, he was built. She guessed him to be over six foot three and his body was smoking with broad shoulders, wide muscular chest that trimmed down to narrow hips and a firm muscular ass. When he held her for photo opportunities she had felt his thickly muscled arms. She liked how he walked with such confidence with those long legs. Everything about Gideon screamed sex and orgasm. His mouth was more than kissable, and those blue eyes lined with heavy, thick, and long eyelashes promised paradise on earth in his bed. She had to

admit to herself that she longed to lace her fingers through his long black hair and pull his face down to kiss him hungrily. She shook that thought off as he took her hand and led her into her apartment building that he happened to own. He took her keys and they gained entrance into the secure building and they both nodded at the front desk attendants as they made their way to the elevators.

"Angus will bring us our food." He offered as they rode up alone in the elevator.

"Thank you again, Gideon." She said looking ahead. She felt the electricity flowing between them. She had to smile. _This was very similar to Christian. What was it about elevators and the opposite sex? _ She had to calm her breathing and worked to not to fidget.

Gideon looked over and down at her. She barely came to his shoulders even in heels. He fought the urge to push her against the elevator wall and ravish her with his mouth. She even smelled like heaven. She was fresh and natural from her womanly scent to her minimal makeup. Ana Steele did not need cosmetics to be pretty, she was a natural beauty.

"I have a few New Year's Eve parties to attend this year. I know it is late notice, but could you accompany me if you don't have other plans?" He asked. His hands were folded behind his back to keep him from touching her.

"I have no plans for New Year's Eve except maybe the building's party. Actually, I was going to bring home some manuscripts and watch the New Year's Rockin' Eve then head off to bed." She confessed. It sounded sad to her also.

"Ana, you are in New York City on New Year's Eve, you should be at Time's Square yelling like the crazy tourists who come to celebrate the New Year."

"I would rather watch it on TV and forego the crowds and the cold." She laughed.

"I have three parties to make an appearance at that evening, and then we can go back to my place and watch the ball drop from my balcony if you wish."

"I would like that." She said lowly.

"And, if you want, I have extra guestrooms that you can use. I promise to be a gentleman. Your honor is safe with me." Trying to sound like an honorable and chivalrous man made him want to laugh out loud. His reputation was to fuck and run. He never slept with a woman more than a couple of times in fear that they would see their physical relationship as something more. He had never had a sexual relationship in his penthouse either. He had a separate place for his nocturnal sexual activities in a hotel that he owned. "Will you stay with me, Ana?"

"Yes, Gideon, I would like to spend New Year's Eve with you."


	7. Chapter 7: A New Year and a New Love

**A/N: I do not own the characters from the FSOG trilogy or the Crossfire Series. They are owned by E.L James and Sylvia Day. I am just enjoying them in my Playroom.**

Chapter Seven: A New Year and a New Love

It had been weeks since Ana left Seattle and Christian was not the same. For the first week he locked himself in their master bedroom and refused to see anyone except Taylor who was allowed in to bring food. Christian tried to eat, but most times he pushed the food around on his plate and fell deeper into despair. She left Seattle! Ana was gone and he had no one to blame but himself. The second week Christian hid out in his study on his laptop or on his phone running his empire and searching Google for any information for the only woman who walked out on him.

By the middle of December Christian was back at the GEH offices but he was hell on wheels making his PAs cry almost daily. He was so cranky and mean that Ros, his right-hand woman, wrote out her resignation and left it on his desk. Christian had to do some fast talking to keep her.

After every meeting Christian would search his email account with the hopes that there was an email from Ana saying she was coming home or for any information about her life in New York City. He had seen the industry announcement that Ms. Ana Steele had left WP for CPI and had made the move from Seattle to New York City. The article had a wonderful picture of Ana in front of the CPI smiling and looking so beautiful that it made Christian want to cry. There were other photos of Ana with Gideon Cross at different work related functions and charity events. She looked so beautiful. She had refined her business look to where she was sleeker and very elegant, but still remained natural and unpretentious. He loved looking at her. He remembered the smell of her hair and the taste of her lips. He could feel the heat of her soft skin as she embraced him. "I miss you, baby." He whispered. The last photo he saw was a pre-Christmas photograph showing Cross holding Ana close and looking down at her like she was the love of his life. The caption on the photo was speculating if the lovely Ms. Steele had done the impossible and tamed New York's bad boy and won the love of the ultimate bachelor. Christian felt his heart come to a sudden halt in his chest. He did lose her! She had moved on. "Fuck!" He yelled not caring that he was in Grey House and his staff might hear him. He stood up and angrily swiped everything off his desk and sending his laptop, papers, and office supplies to the floor. He picked up his office chair and threw it across the room. By the time Taylor arrived after he was summoned to the boss's office to get control of the situation, Christian's office was destroyed. His artwork that Ana had found extraordinary lay destroyed on the floor. He was breathing hard in the middle of the room on his knees. He looked up at Taylor who stood in the doorway. "She's left me for good, Taylor."

Taylor quickly closed the door. No one should see the boss in this condition. "Yes, sir, I know. Would you like to go home?" _ Or maybe a trip to a mental hospital? Or a visit with Flynn? _"Christian, you need to talk someone. You can't keep going on like this."

"I love her and I want her back."

Taylor understood this man's pain. Everyone had something that they wanted but could not have. "Why don't I call Flynn?"

Christian jumped to his feet. His grey eyes were wild in anger and hurt. "I don't need fuckin' Flynn, I need her…and if I can't have her…I will ….fuck it …." He stormed past Taylor and pulled open the door and stalked out of his office. Taylor was behind him and beside him as they reached the elevator. "I want to go to the club."

"Mile High, Sir?"

Christian stared at the metal doors before him. He could feel the darkness cover him. The demon was back and Christian gave up to the beast. "No, the club. I will beat every fucking brown haired girl I can find."

Taylor looked away. This was not going to turn out well. He could see disaster in his boss's future.

~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~

New Year's Eve with Gideon cross was an experience that Ana would never forget. She spent most of the day preparing by going to a spa and getting her hair done and her legs and armpits waxed. She also enjoyed a relaxing massage. She was manicured and had a pedicure.

When Gideon arrived at her door she was wearing a Michael Kors Crepe Black Zipper Dress that hugged her curves. The dress showed off her well-defined shoulders and arms. She turned to show Gideon her back which was showed to perfection. He approved. She wore simple diamond earrings with her hair sleekly pulled back into a low pony-tail with a diamond encrusted hair tie. Her make-up was kept natural. She posed for him showing the slit that gave a little peep of her fine legs. He knew that she was wearing her stockings and garter with her six-inch black leather Louboutin's.

"You are beautiful." He said admiring her. He pulled her into his arms and gently kissed her soft lips. "I will be the envy of every man in New York tonight."

Ana blushed a bit. Her hands were on his bulging upper arms for support. He was wearing an Armani tux that he worked for the total effect of a powerful and sexual man. Gideon was the kind of man that was not defined by the clothes he wore, but he defined them by his statue and his looks. He could make any suit look good, even a badly made one. He wore complete black from the tux to the linen shirt to the silk tie. His black glossy hair was brushed back and made him look like a swashbuckling pirate as it brushed against the collar of his suit. He was dark, swarthy, and damn sexy!

"You make a tux look even better than it does." She said smiling up at him. She loved the feel of his muscles under the material as she caressed him gently. "Can you get any better looking?"

Gideon flashed his killer smile. "Only with you on my arm, Goddess." When they were alone he had started to call her Goddess. She reached up and kissed his lips but her eyes stared into his. Sky blue to intense electric blue. "Ana, you are making it harder and harder to resist you."

"I know, Gideon." She whispered. "I am fighting it also. I worry about what people will say if I start anything with you. I don't want to be known as the V.P. who fucked her way into a job."

"Goddess, anyone who knows you, knows that you are a dedicated and hard worker. You earned your job." His forehead was touching hers. "I do want you. God, I do, but you are still getting over him. I am giving you time to get him out of your system."

The shadow of Christian Grey covered her once again. She had managed to push his memory deep into her memory files and his face didn't haunt her every day. She was too busy to think about him. "Gideon, we better go. We have three parties to attend." He nodded and took her long black leather duster and helped her slip it on. He stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders. She could feel his heat radiate off his body. She stepped back into him to feel his hard body. She heard him lowly moan as his arms went around her waist and pull her even closer for a hug. He kissed her neck causing shivers to go up and down her spine. Goodness, she could feel herself getting moist between her legs. "Gideon, if you don't stop…"

"I know Goddess. I could take….we better go." He kissed the top of her head then reached around her to open the door and motioned her to go forward. He closed his eyes and got control of his desires. She wasn't ready yet and he wanted her ready without any lingering thoughts or feelings for Christian Grey.

Three parties later where she was constantly on the arm of Gideon and proclaimed the luckiest woman on the planet to be his, Ana found herself in his penthouse. She was still wearing her gown as he offered her a glass of champagne. He had loosened his tie to get comfortable then led her to the balcony to watch the ball drop at midnight. They joined the community countdown as the big crystal ball dropped to welcome in the New Year! 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year! Gideon's hand lifted her beautiful face and he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Her lips parted inviting him to kiss her deeper. His other hand went to the other side of her face and he kissed her with all the desire and need that was coursing through his body. Electric fire flowed through their veins. Ana wrapped her arms around his waist and celebrated in his heat from the cold night air.

"Happy New Year, Goddess." He whispered against her lips.

"Happy New Year, Gideon." She replied breathlessly. Her heart was beating wildly against her chest. She was inflamed with desire for him. All she could feel was Gideon. She could only think of his touch, his kiss, and his body pressed against hers. She wanted him like she had never wanted anything before in her life, but he was her boss. She couldn't risk her career. She was in New York to establish herself in the publishing world as a serious and efficient editor.

Gideon could feel her body change. She was going from heat and fire to cold and standoffish. He released her from their embrace and offered her more champagne. "I am honored to bring the New Year in with you."

"You have made this night magical. Thank you for being the perfect date." She took a sip of the champagne as her eyes scanned the city lights of New York City. Every New York soul seemed to be out and the town seemed even more alive. Her blue eyes were drawn back to Gideon as he stared at her with want. He wanted her! She could feel it and smell it in the air. Their desire for each other was out of control. She stepped forward toward him, but he stepped away to her dismay.

"Don't." His voice was strained. "If you touch me now, I won't be able to control myself. I will take you into my bed and never let you leave. I want you so damn much that it is consuming me." He pushed back a lock of long hair that fell into his eyes. "I burn for you, Goddess."

"I burn for you also." She confessed softly. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him.

They both were breathing hard. Gideon stepped forward and grabbed her. "Fuck it, I want you and I don't care if you're not over Grey. I will make you forget him." His mouth captured hers and he kissed her fiercely, claiming her and making her his own. He backed her against the wall of his building. He was holding her arms above her head and kissed her like it was going to be the last time to kiss her. She may have started her love life with Christian Grey, but Gideon promised that he, himself, would be her last and only lover! She was his woman now and he did not share! "Stay with me, Goddess. Don't leave me."

"Take me, Gideon." She breathed against his chest. "Take me and never let me go."

"Never, ever, in a million years." He picked her up and carried her back into his apartment cradled into his chest and her arms around his neck. He went straight to his bedroom and then let her slide down his body as he released her long legs. His hands stayed on her hips as he kept her close and kissed her demanding her surrender to their desire. "I have never wanted any woman like I want you." His hand went to the zipper at her neck and pulled it down to reveal her strapless black lace bra and silk panties. Her garter was also black lace with tiny pink bows on the garter straps that connected to her black sheer thigh highs. Oh, good lord, she was going to destroy him! Her body proclaimed sexual delights. Every inch of her was made for the pleasures of the flesh. He let the dress fall and pool at her feet and his eyes drank her in. "Anastasia." He said her name as if in reverence. "My Goddess."

For the first time in her life, Ana felt comfortable with her body and showing it to a man. Gideon made her feel safe and beautiful. He didn't want to beat her before he fucked her. He didn't need to tie her up to keep her from touching his perfect male body. She licked her lips, smiled at him as she pulled her hair tie from her hair and let the deep brown hair flow over her shoulders and down her back. "You are over-dressed, Mr. Cross." She huskily said. She approached him and let her fingers walk up his hard chest to his tie. Their eyes were locked on each other as she worked on his tie and vest. He shrugged out of the jacket and let it fall to the floor. Within seconds Gideon was standing before her shirtless and presenting his upper torso to her grateful glaze. He was perfect in form with a muscular chest that was lightly furred with black hair. His pectorals were sculptured from his workouts as well as his abs. Her fingers traced over every defined muscle making him breathe harder. Her fingers traced through his happy trail to the waistband of his trousers. She leaned into his chest and kissed his warm skin as she undone his belt, the buttons on the waistband, and slowly unzipped his pants. She tasted his skin with her delicate tongue and he was growling as he contained himself to let her explore his body. She was bolder than she used to be and slowly pushed his pants over his hips. She could see his bulging member in his boxer-briefs. He was magnificent! Gideon stepped out of his pants as they fell to the floor. "You are a god yourself, Gideon." She huskily declared as her blue eyes slid up and down his male body in complete pleasure. "You are still over-dressed." Her flirty eyes lingered on his bulge then lifted to stare into his intense blue eyes. With a devilishly smile his thumbs hooked into the band of his underwear and pulled them down and he stepped out of them. His cock was huge, almost purple with pulsating need, and heavy. She knew when she held him in her hand, that he would be weighted with male meat! Oh, my…who is the lucky girl tonight?

Gideon waited for her to step closer. She had to start this. This had to be her choice. This time he would let her control their activities in the bedroom, then he would explain that he was a dominant and that he liked to be in charge of the sexual activities. He believed that she would enjoy herself under his body and his passions. Tonight, though, was about her and on her speed. They kept staring at each other. They didn't need to speak because they could feel each other's needs and wants. Ana moved closer to him and pressed the hard peaks of her perfect breasts into his furred chest. "I want you, Gideon, and damn the world and its opinions. Tonight, I am yours."

He brushed back her hair from her lovely angelic face. "I am yours for more than just tonight, Goddess. If I take you tonight, I will never leave you. You have captured me, Ana."

"Gideon." His name healed her soul. She felt complete in his arms. His touch inflamed her. "Take me." She demanded. "Take me to heaven."

With a growl, Gideon picked her up around the waist and took her to his bed. It was now their bed. He had made up his mind, once this night was over, she would be his and she would share all of his life, even his home. He followed her onto the bed. He kissed her softly; drawing her out and making her heart slam once again against her chest. She was breathing hard. His kisses trailed over her jaw onto her neck, over her clavicle, tasting and nipping her skin. His hands were cupping and massaging her breasts. His fingers rolled her nipples and tugged them to even harder attention. She arched her back and felt that familiar ache of passion building in her body. She released her first orgasm in months and felt another begin to rise. His tongue traced over her belly and then he kissed her belly button. She moaned as her body tingled and quivered under his expert touch. She felt him pull off her panties and then spread her legs open. He moved into position at the apex of her thighs. Her head fell back as his mouth covered the whole of her sex. It had been such a long time since she had been touched there but to have a full kiss she was nearly out of her mind with pleasure. His tongue began its dance against her clit then through her folds and gained entranced into her warmest core. He tongue-fucked her into another orgasm as his fingers raced up and down her legs. Her body was on fire and Gideon had lit the fuse. She was so close to another orgasm when his fingers took the place of his tongue and his mouth sucked gently then harder on the throbbing nub of her clit. She was gone within seconds. All she knew was intense pleasure that radiated from between her legs and covered the whole of her body. Even her toes and fingers could feel the titillating pleasures that he gave her. She called out to him, begging him to take her, but all he did was laugh lowly and continue his joyful onslaught of her person

.

Gideon loved how responsive her body was to his touch. He was high on her moans and groans and when she came the numerous times he was addicted to her. Her cries of delight filled his heart and soul. He was pleasing her and it made him feel like a true man. He knew she should be ready to receive him, he had her wet and soft. He looked deeply into her eyes as he entered her body and she enveloped around his impressive length and width. Her big blue eyes widen even more as she stretched to accommodate him. He stilled until she caught her breath. "Are you alright? Am I hurting you, Anastasia?" He asked against her lips.

"Oh, Gideon, you are so…so big." She cried out. Her hips moved forward to take him even deeper. "Please…more…take me."

"With pleasure, Goddess." He sunk into her to the hilt making her cry out. Then he pulled out part way and did it again. He couldn't hurt her. He had to get her ready for the pounding that he wanted to do. Her legs went around his hips and he kissed her once again. "I have to go…I have to."

"Yes!" She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on for dear life. She could feel his cock inside her twitching as she clamped down on him. "Now, Gideon."

He reared back and slammed deeply into her. She screamed as he took her over and over again. The bed was bouncing off the walls and their cries of passion filled the room. He grabbed her thighs and wrapped his arms around them bringing her hips completely off the bed and sunk deep into her. She was coming so hard and so fast that he nearly came himself. He had to work to keep control. He had to make her come as much as he could. He wanted to give her the most ultimate fuck and orgasm that she had ever had. No matter what moves that Grey put on her, they would be soon forgotten in his arms and in his bed! There was no room for three people in their relationship. He was going to fuck Christian Grey out of existence.

She was mewing like a kitten as she came one last time and he found his release sending his seed deep into her. He couldn't believe how hard and how much he came.

This little woman was his equal. She could take a pounding fuck and keep coming back for more. He would learn in the hours proceeding that she was insatiable. By morning, Gideon Cross had been fucked into submission by a little brown-haired, blue-eyed woman from Seattle, Washington. He slept peacefully for the first time in his life exhausted by his Goddess. Ana cuddled into him, his strong arm holding her close and she never awoke with dreams of someone holding her captive and beating her with a flogger. She had found her save haven and her lovemate, Gideon Cross.


	8. Chapter 8: Can I Be More to Him?

Chapter Eight: Can I Be More to Him?

Ana stood in front of the mirror that hung over her vanity in her bathroom and looked at her reflection. She had been Gideon Cross's lover for over two months. She had lived with him for most of that time in his Penthouse just returning to her apartment for clothes or to water her plants. She was staying the night at her own place since Gideon was out of town on business. She was grateful for the time alone because as she suspected Gideon was high maintenance. He wanted to consume her and he was possessive but not as bad as Christian. She knew that he had ordered a security detail to look after her, but they kept their distance. She did accept a driver because she didn't want to drive in New York City, but when they left for his country home in Connecticut she loved to drive the vehicle that she bought for herself, another pick-up truck. Gideon had laughed at her for her purchase, but she explained that she learned to drive in her daddy's pick-up truck.

His family was a mystery. She knew about his mother and step-father but she was yet to meet them and he said if he had anything to do with it, she would never meet them. She did meet his little sister, Ireland and found her delightful and a reminder of Mia Grey with her boundless energy and evident love for her big brother. The one member of his family that he refused to discuss was his half-brother, Christopher. His only words on the matter of the man were that she was to stay clear of him and that Christopher Vidal was evil personified. Ana only nodded as Gideon had gripped her shoulders so tight that he left bruises as he made it even clearer that he did not want her to talk to be anywhere near Christopher. He then crushed her to his chest murmuring that he would never let Christopher or anyone hurt his Goddess.

Ana touched her long slender neck as she considered herself. She was changing. Her face no longer had the bloom of innocence on it. She looked like an adult instead of a pubescent girl. She was now a woman, and a woman with a career that she loved and a man that she adored. Gideon had consumed her and she had consumed him. They couldn't go hours without touching each other. She wondered how they could survive this business trip. She would actually have to sleep alone tonight and for the first time since the first time they had sex, she would not be putting out. She laughed. No sex tonight! She realized that her body would probably go into shock. She loved fucking Gideon. He knew how to take a woman. His body would cover hers and press her into the mattress as they fucked. He would possess her fully, demanding her full submission, letting her body become his. He was a dominant, like she thought, but he didn't have to beat her ass to find satisfaction. He just liked to be in control of their coupling.

Even though their sex life was wonderful, she knew there was much more to discover about the man who shared her bed. He tried to hide the fact that he had to take medicine to sleep at night, but he wouldn't explain when she asked him about it. He only said that his doctor had prescribed them and left it at that. She did witness one nightmare where he screamed at some unknown assailant to leave him alone and that "it" hurt. She was able to wake him up, but he wouldn't discuss the dream, but pulled her close and fucked her into the hours of the morning. She wondered if he had been abused as a child since he would never visit his family home or have anything to do with his family except for Ireland. When they were invited to the Vidal Mansion for a charity event, he threw away the invitation and stomped into his home office and closed the door. That was the first time, which she had seen him very angry and it was also the first time that he experienced a nightmare since they started their relationship. She never pestered him for any information because she suffered from a nightmare that had plagued her since she left Christian. She realized that she hadn't suffered from insomnia since she started sleeping with Gideon and while she was in his bed, she never had that dream. But, tonight would be different. This was the first time that she would be sleeping alone since New Year's Eve and she wasn't looking forward to it. Maybe she should of stayed at Gideon's like he offered her, but she wanted and needed to take care of her apartment. He said that she could always go back to the Penthouse if she wanted and gave her a key. She was now a resident of the Penthouse on top of the Cross Apartment Complex on Fifth Avenue.

After washing her face and slipping on her robe she padded into her bedroom and stared at her bed that she barely slept in. She grabbed a pillow and the duvet and went into her living room and cuddled up on the sofa. She pretended that the back of the sofa was Gideon's wide chest and he was protecting her from her own nightmares. She had been wrong! She woke up screaming a few hours later. It was the same dream. She was tied up, straining against the ropes as she tried to escape her captor. She could see the flogger coming down on her and feel its bite against her skin. However, tonight the dream had changed. His voice was harsh. **_"You have been a bad girl, Anastasia, letting Cross fuck you. Haven't I told you over and over again that you belong to me? .Mine! I don't share, Anastasia. He will never fuck you again. I will kill him if he ever touches you again. Kill him. Kill him! KILL HIM!"_**She sat straight up. Gideon, was her first thought. She had to hear his voice. She had to know that he was safe and that Christian didn't kill him. She fumbled around in the dark looking for her cell phone, then hit Gideon's picture which automatically called him.

"Goddess." His deep voice caressed her special name. It brought tears to her eyes.

"I hope I'm not bothering you." She looked at the clock and saw it was close to two in the morning in New York and it was eleven o'clock on the West Coast. He was in Los Angeles for meetings about a hotel chain he wanted to buy. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"Are you alright, Ana?"

Ana snuggled into the sofa getting comfortable. "I miss your arms. This is the first time I have slept alone since New Year's." She answered trying to keep herself under control. She didn't want him to hear her fear and concerns. She was being silly for letting a dream bother her. It was only a dream.

"I miss you, also." He sighed heavily. "When I woke up this morning you were already gone. I felt lost not having you beside me."

"Same here, honey." She closed her eyes and saw him waking up in the bed, dazed and confused from being in bed without her beside him. The sleep would still be in his eyes and he would boyishly brush his long hair from his eyes. He was adorable as he woke up. "When will you be home?"

"If everything goes like I want it to tomorrow I should be home either in the evening late or early morning." He did miss her. He couldn't sleep without her. He missed her warm body beside him and her soft steady breathing. "Annie, you have bewitched me."

"I feel the same way. I have fallen for you, Gideon, hard." She confessed.

They both refrained from saying the "L" word. She refused because she had said it to Christian and he freaked out and she walked out of his apartment thinking that they were over to only find him back in her life five days later wanting her back. Gideon couldn't say the word because he felt what they had was much deeper than love. It could not be described in mere words. He only knew that he couldn't live without this woman and he would do anything to keep her by his side. She was his sunshine, his air, and his Goddess.

"When I get home, I am taking you to bed for at least two days." He said making her giggle. His heart grew warm at the sound of her soft laughter. She was still bewitching him. "I want you so much."

Ana took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I can't wait to feel you on top of me. To feel your hands and lips all over my body making me want you even more." She heard him gasp. "I miss your cock inside me."

Gideon growled lowly. "I am coming home right now."

"Oh, Gideon." She laughed. "Honey, get your business done then come home to me." She was smiling. "I'll be here waiting for you, I promise."

"At our Penthouse?" He questioned.

"Yes, Gideon." She answered him.

They were silent for awhile, just listening to each other breathing. His voice was deep and full of emotion when he spoke. "I want you to live with me." He just said it. And, he waited for her reply.

"I thought I already was." She said in her teasing way.

"I mean it, Ana. I want you to move in with me. I want your toothbrush next to mine. I want to see your stockings drying in our bathroom. I don't want you to go back to your apartment for clothes. I want them hanging next to mine in the closet."

Ana was speechless. He was serious. He wanted them to live together after only a few months of knowing each other. "Can we talk about this when you get back?" She said finally. "I don't want to do anything that could hurt us later on."

"How can this hurt us? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course, I do. Honey, you are my life." She declared. "I don't want to know a day that you are not in it."

"Then, move your clothes and other belongings into my Penthouse."

"I can't get out of my lease." She said laughing. She knew that he could make it happen since he owned the apartment building that she lived in. "And, I hear that my landlord is a real bitch about such things. I don't want to get sued."

Gideon knew she was messing with him. "I am sure with my negotiation skills that I can get you out of the lease."

"Well, well, well, Mr. Cross…you are a man to know." She teased. "Maybe I should seduce you when you return to the Big Apple."

"I expect you to."

"I will make you a deal. I will move in with you, but I will keep my apartment so when my parents or friends come to town, they can stay there." She offered hoping that would appease him. She wanted to keep it in case things went bad with him. She was always glad that she had Hannah and Kate's to go to when she broke off her engagement to Christian. She needed a safe place for herself.

"It's a deal." He took it quickly before she changed her mind. "Hire movers tomorrow and be moved in before I get back. You can bring anything you want. I don't care…I just want you in our Penthouse when I return." He couldn't keep the joy out of his voice. "Also, pick a room for your home office and get it done however you want it. I know you like to work at home once in awhile so you will need that."

"Gideon."

"What? You need to have your own office." He was smiling. He wanted to spoil her and give her everything she needed and wanted. What good was it to have money and not be able to spend it on someone who was so special to him?

"Don't spoil me, Honey. I don't need material things. I need and want you."

Her words warmed his heart and he wanted to spoil her all the more. "I will be home in the evening. I don't care if this business is not settled. I need to be with you."

"Business before pleasure, Mr. Cross." She warned him. "Get it done, and then come back to me."

"I will see you very soon, Miss Steele and you better be ready for one horny bastard."

"Gideon, you are not a bastard. You are my sun, my life, and my Julius Caesar."

Caesar? Why because I am a tyrant?"

"No, because you rule my heart. I am yours, Gideon. No other man will ever have me."

Her soft spoken words melted his heart. She belonged to him. She gave herself to him. "Ana, I do love you so much." His words shocked her and himself. Neither knew what to say.

"Gideon?" She was sitting up not believing what he had said. It was too soon for this. She didn't know if she could say those words back to him yet. She adored him, that was the truth, and she cared deeply for him, and yes, she loved him but she wasn't ready to admit that to him yet. She couldn't open herself to that kind of hurt so soon in the relationship. She didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Shhh, don't over think it, Goddess. I know you are gun shy about that word. Just know that I will wait for you to figure it out." He knew that she was afraid. He wanted to fly up to Seattle and beat the hell out of Grey for whatever damage that he had done to this beautiful Goddess. "You better get back to sleep. Believe me; you will need it when I get back home."

Ana began to laugh. "Mr. Cross, you better be ready for me. I have been without my man for far too long. I might just tie you up to the bed and have my way with you for days on end." She couldn't believe she said that to Gideon. Her face turned red and her hand went to her mouth.

"Why, Anastasia Steele, you are a little kinky." He laughed and teased. "Well, my Goddess we will discuss and revise at a later date."

"Gideon, I was only joking. I… I…can't…believe.." She couldn't say the words now. She was afraid that she was a deviant and needed to be beaten to be loved. Did she want to be flogged? Was that what her dreams were trying to tell her? She had been in love with one fucked up man and he had done things to her that she never thought she could let someone do to her. What if she couldn't be what Gideon needed? What if she had been ruined by her past lover who took her into the dark world of BDSM? She may be to warped to be a decent mate for Gideon. What if I can't be more for him? What if he finds out what I did with Christian he won't want me anymore? I couldn't stand it if Gideon sent me away. Her heart was in fear.

He heard the fear in her voice. He knew she was frightened about something. What did Grey do to her? He knew that she flinched if he smacked her behind playfully or if he clacked his belt she would turn white. He wondered if she had been physically abused at some time in her life. "I know you were joking. Calm down. Now, you need to go to sleep and I will be there tomorrow night to sleep beside you. It's only one night, darling." His voice soothed her fears and she relaxed enough to cuddle into her pillow.

"Gideon, please come home to me." Her voice was so soft.

"I will be there soon. Hold on, Goddess. Just a few more hours then we will be together." He wanted to reach through the phone and hold her close. "Sleep, my Goddess, and dream of me."

"Always." She whispered. "Good night, Caesar."

She fell asleep with his soft voice in her ears and mind. For once, she dreamed of Gideon sleeping next to her, holding her, and kissing her when she woke up for the day. She curled up and smiled in her sleep.


	9. Chapter 9: I Need Her

Chapter Nine: I Need Her

February turned into March and people were speaking about the end of winter and the promise of spring. Christian didn't care about the change of seasons. He was obsessed with the only woman he had loved and gave an engagement ring to. He was meaner than and as hateful as he been before Ana came into his life. He ignored his family and the attempts to include him in their plans. He refused to go dinners at his parent's home because every time he stepped in their home he could see Ana everywhere. They had planned to have their wedding at his parent's house in Bellevue. He worked constantly trying to evade the pain that coursed through his body. He punished himself in the gym with his trainer Claude to try to exhaust himself so he could have a dreamless sleep. Ana had kept the nightmares away, but he was alone in his bed. He was alone everywhere. No one could compare to Ana. Not his family, his business associates, not even Elena who was flirting around trying to gain access to him, or even the girls in the clubs that he visited for a scene and a fuck. His life was miserable.

The one bright spot was that he was richer than ever. Since he made his business his only mistress his net worth had grown. But, once again, it didn't seem to matter as he sat alone at Escala or in his office at Grey House. There were no more naughty little text messages or emails from her. He never heard her giggle anymore through his apartment. There was only silence and loneliness.

Christian was still getting Google alerts about his former fiancé and Gideon Cross. It was early in the day when he was alerted to a new gossip item about them.

_It has been reported that multibillionaire, Gideon Cross, 29 years old has officially confirmed that he is in a relationship with the beautiful Anastasia Steele, age 23. Ms. Steele is the Vice-President at Cross Publishing, Inc. in charge of Editorial Processes and Author Development and has been credited with the signing of Carlson Profitt, a New York Times Best Selling List author with CPI. She was also a VP in charge of Editorial Processes at her former job at Washington Publishing ran by Rachel Crider who is reported to be a good friend of both Ms. Steele and Mr. Cross. It has also been reported by a reliable source that NYC's newest power couple is living together at Cross's Penthouse on Fifth Avenue. Ms. Steele was once engaged to multi-billionaire Mr. Christian Grey of Seattle, Washington before moving on to Gideon Cross. It seems that Ms. Steele only dates super-uber rich men. Good luck, Mr. Cross, let's hope that a Saudi Prince won't come by and steal your lovely lady! _

Christian couldn't believe that a gossip rag had reported this and basically accused her of being a gold-digger. He reached for his cell phone to call her about this incident and offer any help to soothe her pain then he remembered that she changed her phone number. He didn't have a way to contact her. She cut him out of her life and started a new life without him. He sat back in his chair and thought a bit. He called Welch and asked for information about this rag who had printed such rubbish about his Ana. He would buy the damn thing and close it down! No one said such horrible things about his Ana. A few hours later, Welch sent a file to Christian that stated that McCready News, Inc. was the owner of that rag and it just went into bankruptcy and was closed down. It was rumored that Gideon Cross had caused the bankruptcy and bought the company and tore it to shreds. Ana had been protected by her new man with the utmost speed. She didn't need Christian's protection anymore.

Gideon smiled as he sat behind his desk knowing that he had ruined a gossip rag that dared to call his woman a gold-digging whore. McCready News, Inc. was now under the banner of Cross Industries, Inc. and some of its components were transferred to CPI and put under the supervision of Ana. The hateful rag that had run that disgusting story was dismantled and was no longer in existence. Gideon would go after any media outlet that tried to hurt his Goddess.

Ana didn't understand the big deal about the gossip blip and ignored it. She knew why she left Seattle and why she was with Gideon. She was in love with him even though she couldn't confess that to him yet. She sat at her desk at CPI and remembered the night that Gideon had come home from Los Angeles after he said "I love you". She was at his penthouse as she promised and she had moved all her clothes and personal belongings into the penthouse. She left her furniture and made arrangements for a maid service to keep the apartment clean and ready for guests. He came into the penthouse and made a straight line to her. He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom and he made love to her. It had been soft and gentle. He worshiped and kissed every inch of her body. They had sex all night long, sometimes soft and other times boarding on savagery. He excited her and pushed her to come over and over again, and then asked her to do it one more time. He was a great lover and always thought about her pleasures.

The next morning he was happy to see that she had moved in with him. Her assistants made sure that her all her mail would be forwarded to her new address and they contacted her selected family and friends to inform them of her new home. Gideon kissed her soundly outside their closet. He pushed her against the closet door and fucked her up against it. Ana could only smile and enjoy the sexual adventure she was on with her new lover. She loved the fucking and the love making. She only wished that she could tell him that she loved him without fear of doom.

Kate Kavanagh smiled as she read the text message from Ana's PA. It was official that Ana was with Gideon Cross and she had moved in with him. She was given Ana's new address and asked not to share it with anyone. Of course, Kate knew who the "anyone" was. Christian. "You go, Ana. You got one damn gorgeous man there. Damn, he is a stud."

Christian stood with Elliot as they suffered through another charity event that their parents were hosting. Once again, Christian was alone and Elliot was escorting Kate. He decided he would make an appearance to make his mother happy then he would skip out. He didn't want to listen to music or watch lovers dance. He certainly didn't want to dodge the cougars that were ready to pounce on him or the debutants who seemed to be chasing him. There was no other woman for him except Ana. He didn't want to consider a relationship with anyone except for the contractual relationship that he had with his newest sub, Cassidy Reilly. He went back to his former life and to the darkness. He had no hope in having a normal life. He didn't want it unless it was with Ana.

"Has Ana contacted you?" Elliot asked as they enjoyed a drink together. They each nodded at known people who passed by or danced by. "She and Kate were on the phone for over an hour yesterday."

"Ana has made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me." Christian stated drily.

"She's with Cross."

"I know." Christian turned back to the bartender and motioned for bourbon. "She hates my guts."

Elliot only nodded. "Why?"

"I hurt her." Christian answered as he bowed his head in shame. "I basically cheated on her."

"So Kate was correct. Wow, you are damn fool!" Elliot whispered. "She is undecided if she is coming back for the wedding."

Christian didn't reply. He knew that Elliot had proposed during Christmas and now they were planning on an autumn wedding in October. He surmised that Kate would ask Ana to be her Maid of Honor. "She's not in the wedding?" He finally asked.

"She refused because of you. She told Kate she would rather stay away so I could have my brother stand up for me. Ana told Kate to ask Mia to be her MOH."

"I guess Kate would like to castrate me."

"Affirmative." Elliot drily said. He finished his drink. "Why don't you go and get that girl back?"

"She is with Cross now. She doesn't need me." He looked down at his glass and swirled his bourbon. "I miss her."

"You need her. Hell, we all need her because you have become a bigger asshole than ever before." Elliot was being brutally honest and he didn't care if Christian punched his lights out. This needed to be said. "You have been impossible to be around."

"Excuse me for suffering from losing the only woman I have ever loved. I still love her and I want her back. I need her." Christian admitted as Elliot walked away for another drink.

The music began playing causing the crowd to return to the dance floor. He noticed a tall cold blonde heading toward him. She was dressed in black. He rolled his eyes. Elena Lincoln.

"Christian." She purred and attempted to kiss him. He put his hands up and backed her off. He didn't want her to touch him. She pouted like a child. "Darling, what's wrong? You look like a child who lost his favorite toy." She gave him a small smile. "Did your mousy little fiancé run off with Gideon Cross?"

"If you wish to keep your capped teeth in your botox filled face, I suggest that you shut the fuck up about Ana." He growled as he fisted his hands.

"Oh, Christian, I understand completely. You need release." She pulled out her phone and began to punch in numbers. "Let me call Dana. She would be perfect for you. I can have her delivered to you at Escala within the hour."

Christian slapped the phone out of her hand and it skirted across the floor. "Elena, fuck off." He turned around and walked away from the woman who ruined his life. He knew that she was the one who sent those pictures to Ana. He would ruin her in time. He wanted her to get comfortable then he would go in for the kill and leave her without her salons or money. He just wanted to make sure that his actions would cause the the most pain.

He found Elliot and told him that he was leaving. He had put in his appearance and made his contribution so it was time for him to return to his lonely cold apartment and an empty bed. The drive home was quiet. He sat in the back and thought about Ana. She was with a new man. She had moved on and she didn't seem to be looking back. Christian walked back into the past that he had forsaken for Ana by contracting a new sub. He had lost the best thing that ever happened to him and there was no reason to continue living in the normal world when he was never normal unless he was with Ana. "I still need you, Ana."

Ana was laughing as Gideon pulled her up from their bed and tickled her. She wrapped her arms about his neck and kissed him softly. "You taste good, Gideon." She said still laughing.

"Ana, you taste good and I know." He kissed her neck then captured her lips.

Ana could feel her body begin to warm and open for him. "Gideon, I want you so much."

"Goddess, already?" He smiled as he laid her back on the bed. "You are insatiable, Ana."

"For you, only for you." She said. She pulled his face closer to hers and her lips moved against his. She could feel his hard cock against her thighs. He was throbbing for her. She reached down and began to stroke him making him moan into her mouth. "I want to taste you, Gideon."

He smiled and rolled over to his back knowing what she wanted. He grabbed his cock and began to stroke slowly as she came to her knees beside him. Her eyes burned in passion. She licked her lips in anticipation of having his cock in her mouth. She used both hands to stroke him. Gideon closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of her soft hands on his shaft. She always felt like silk. She squeezed and pulled on him making him even harder if that was possible. Ana bent and took him in her warm, wet mouth. He watched as she swallowed him whole in amazement. He had learned that she didn't have a gag reflex and she could deep throat him. A feat very few women had ever done. He was one lucky man to find a woman who could take all ten inches of him. She was more that talented in her oral skills. After the first blowjob he ever received from her, he knew that no other woman could ever satisfy him like his Ana. He could feel his climax coming closer as he pressed his hips up and began to fuck her mouth.

"Unless you want me to come, you need to stop." He breathed. "Ana…oh Goddess…ahhhhh" He was coming and he couldn't stop it as she milked him with her mouth and hands. She swallowed his gift and kept sucking until he was drained and left exhausted flat on his back and breathing hard. She smiled at him biting that full lower lip. "You little vixen."

Ana had to giggle. She kissed up his body and lay upon his hard body. "You like?"

"Goddess, you never cease to amaze me." He wrapped his arms about her waist. "So, Ms. Steele, what you like to do for the rest of the day?"

"As much as I love the idea of staying in bed with you all day, I do have some work to take care of today. I'm afraid I have to go into the office for awhile." She frowned at the thought. She did want to spend her Saturday in their bed exploring and enjoying each other. "I should only be gone a few hours."

"Ahhh, the life of a hot shot VP and Editor." He laughed. He smiled as she rested her chin on her hands that were on his chest. She looked up at him. Those blue eyes of hers were so lovely and he wanted to get lost in them. "Is there a problem?"

"Not really a problem, just a needy author. Sometimes they are like children and need to be pampered." She replied. "Believe me, I would rather stay here and pamper you."

"I could go with you and you could pamper me in your office after your author leaves." His eyebrows rose up and down in playfulness.

"MMMM….that could be interesting. A little afternoon delight in my office." Her eyes were gleaming in sexual thoughts. "I might have to slip into some stockings and my garter."

Gideon closed his eyes and groaned. She knew his weaknesses. "You are going to destroy me, Ana. You know how I love your legs encased in silk stockings."

She traced her lips with her tongue. "We can fuck on my desk." Her voice was sultry. "I will be bent over it and you are behind me." Her voice lowered to a sexy whisper. "Do you want me, Gideon? Do you want me that way in my office?" She was goaded him and flaming his desires. Just the very thought made his cock begin to twitch.

"Goddess, I will take you anywhere at any time in any manner that you want." He said in a strained raspy voice. As always, she had him out of control. She kept him off center. How in the hell did she get to him so quickly and he was easily being led around by this little fireball? The strangest thing was: he liked it! He liked her playfulness. She was like no other woman. None of his other conquests had kept his attentions like she did, nor did they make him feel anything more than short-term pleasure. After the climax, he was ready for them to move on. Ana, on the other hand, he wanted to stay. He didn't want to know a day without her in it. He was obsessed with her, all of her, not just her smoking hot body, but her deep and intelligent mind and her happiness. He lived to make her happy.

"I better get dressed." She said sadly. She didn't want to leave his warmth. "The sooner I go, the sooner I will be bent over my desk." Her laughter carried over the air and pleased her lover. She left her safe haven and padded into the bathroom.

Gideon stayed in bed with his fingers laced together behind his head as he considered how different his life was ever since Anastasia Steele came into his life. Before Ana, he used women for his pleasures. There were no love affairs, just sex, meaningless sex with near strangers in a hotel room that he kept. He did not bring women to his penthouse. He did not sleep the full the night with any of those girls. They would either leave after they had sex or he did. Now, he cuddled and snuggled with Ana like a lovesick schoolboy. She made him want to play. She made him want to live. He had never taken Ana to that hotel room and he didn't want to.

Ana watched her man as he was deep in thought. She was amazed that she was his and he was hers. He was so handsome. Everything about him was sexy, from the head of long wavy black hair to the tip of his feet. Her eyes glazed over him taking in his nude body. Even when he was at rest, his soften cock was still bigger than the average man at full erection. Lucky Girl!

"Enjoying yourself, Ana?" He asked catching her gazing at his nakedness.

"Always my darling when staring at your charms." She said flippantly.

He chuckled lightly. "My charms?" He asked teasingly.

Ana took his cock into her hands. "Your charms, Mr. Cross are many and very large." Her eyes danced in merriment. "And, I would like to experience them some more, but I have to get dressed."

She planted a kiss on the bulbous tip of his cock promising more at a later time. She blew him a kiss then went into their closet to dress.

Gideon shook his head and laughed. With one kiss and his cock starts to react. He knew that they didn't have time to play and that he needed to leave their bed if he wanted to give her some office loving. He was so damn happy that he didn't know what to do with himself.

Ana walked into her office wearing her signature black pencil skirt and a bold red silk blouse that clung to her curves. She smiled knowing that Gideon was behind her fantasizing about her black lace garter and her black silk stockings. She went to her desk and sat down putting her feet up and showing off her black Louboutins. "I see that you like the view." She declared with a sexy smile that made his body react.

He let his fingers glide over her calf to her thigh. "Always, Goddess. It is the highlight of my day and the subject of my dreams." He leaned over and kissed her sweetly. "When is this author supposed to be here?"

"Now." She said flatly hating to be kept waiting especially when she had plans. "If he blows this off he will be out of here." As she said that, a knock came at her door and she removed her legs from her desk and stood as it opened to reveal a tall, handsome man. Douglas Rhines smiled as he approached his editor's desk with eyes only for Ana. He didn't see Gideon standing off to the side.

"Ms. Steele, I want to thank you for meeting me on a Saturday. I do apologize if I have inconvenienced you in any way." He wiped away his blonde curls that fell into his eyes. His soft green eyes scanned over his editor with want.

"Yes, this is an inconvenience for me; however, I need to know why you are so behind in your chapters." She held up contract that he signed. "You do have deadlines. Mr. Rhines, this is a business and if you cannot deliver the goods that we have contracted you to do, then I have no other choice but to terminate your contract and sue you for the money that has been advanced…with interest." She knew was being cold, but this was a business and she could not afford a lazy writer. Her reputation was on the line.

"Ms. Steele, I do apologize. I have a serious case of writer's block. I know that you are not interested in personal matters, but my wife has left me and she was always my muse."

Ana held up her hand not wanting to hear more. "I am sorry for your marriage, but I am only interested in your book. I want the chapters by the end of next week or as I said, I will terminate your contract with CPI." She stood up and handed him a copy of the contract. "It is among my rights as your publisher to take this action if I wish. However, I do believe in supporting my authors, so I took the liberty of booking you into the Ritz for the rest of the weekend for some relaxation. I do expect you to take advantage of this opportunity to refresh your gifts."

Rhines looked down at the papers in his hands and back to the young woman who held his career in her little palms. He couldn't believe that this girl who was young enough to be his daughter welded so much power. "I will have the chapters to you by the end of the week, if not before."

Ana never smiled. "That's what I want to hear and that's what I want to see by Friday."

Yes, Ms. Steele." Rhines said.

"You may leave now, Mr. Rhines…and I will be checking in with you during the week."

Gideon enjoyed watching his woman weld her power. She wasn't affected by the writer's charms or his sad story. Maybe, he should have offered her a job at Cross Industries. She was a natural born business person. He smiled at her when she looked over to him. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his massive chest and his ankles were crossed. He pushed himself off the wall and approached her like he was a stalking cat. "Anastasia, I believe you made promises about a certain desk."

She leaned back in her chair teasing him. "I did?" She questioned innocently. "Can you enlighten me?"

He sat on the edge of her desk. "If I remember correctly, you are bent over this desk and I am taking you from behind." He took all of her in. Her young body was tight and delicious. He knew every inch of her and knew what touch that sent her to the stars. "I could lock the door."

Ana bit her lower lip. "I think that would be wise." She watched him as he moved gracefully across the room to lock the door. She did like to watch him. He was male perfection in every way. She wanted to touch him, to lick his body, and kiss every ridge of muscle on his torso. She stood when he came back to her and then he moved her in front of him. His large hand was on her back and he pushed her forward until her hands supported her leaning body over her desk.

She closed her eyes as his hands went under her skirt and pulled down her panties with one swift movement. She stepped out of them. His fingers sunk into her warm folds stroking her until his hand was covered with her juices. She heard him sucking on his fingers and then the familiar sound of his zipper coming down. Gideon grunted as he entered her and she cried out as he pushed deeper into body. She was lost as he began to move frantically. He was hard. His thrusts were deep and fast. This wasn't just making love, this was fucking also. He was pushing her to take more and more. He reached in front of her and began to pinch her clit. "Come for me, Ana." He growled. "Now, Ana…I need it now."

She threw back her head and yelled her release. Her climax was so fast and so hard. She couldn't believe how well he could play her body. "Oh, Gideon…Gideon." She began to move her hips against him. She knew he would bring her again.

Gideon grabbed her hips and pulled her back onto his cock. One hand went to her right breast and he squeezed it lightly. The pressure was delicious and it felt so good. "Goddess, you are so tight. Squeeze me, Goddess…squeeze this cock of yours…you know it's yours…only yours." He whispered into her ear. She moaned and gripped her desk tightly as he began to pound away once more. She was so close again; he could feel her vagina walls clamp down on his thrusting cock and the warmth of her juices flowing over the shaft. She was so fucking hot. "Again, Ana…come again on me." He clinched his teeth. He wanted to go as deep as he could. He had to possess every inch of her. "Goddess…now." He felt his own climax racing toward him. He was gone and he came hard into her, filling her with his hot seed with spurt after spurt. He growled as one last spurt left him exhausted and pinning her to her desk.

"That was awesome." Ana breathed.

"Baby, that was great." He noticed how stiff Ana came when he called her baby. She wiggled to get away from him. He backed off, leaving her so she could get off the desk. She found her panties and pulled them up quickly. She looked angry. "Ana?"

Ana's lips were quivering. "Don't ever call me Baby ever again!" She stressed angrily and with her blue eyes narrowed. "Never, ever!"

Gideon never saw his goddess so angry. She was usually easy going and quick to smile and laugh. He stood there with his pants around his ankles. "Ana?" He asked confused. Her fists were balled at her side and she stared at him.

"Never, Gideon. Do you understand?" She didn't wait for him to answer as she grabbed her purse and ran out of her office. Gideon had to pull himself together before he could chase after her. By the time, he got himself situated and he stepped into the hallway she was entering the elevator and the doors closed.

"Son of a bitch!" He yelled. He just knew this had something to do with Grey. Did that bastard call her baby? He then remembered how hard he had fucked her and he had caught a glimpse of her bruised buttocks where he had pounded into her. He had hurt her and she didn't say anything. "Fuck me, he hurt her."

Gideon arrived at his penthouse to find it empty. Ana did not return to their home. When she left her office she had taken a cab leaving him with their car and driver. He stood in the middle of the living room trying to figure out where his woman was. Her apartment! It dawned on him; she would go back to her apartment. He was about to race out of the penthouse to gather his wayward woman, but he decided to let her cool down and come back on her own. She needed time before they could talk. It was time for her to tell Gideon why she broke up with Grey.

Ana stopped by her apartment for just a few moments to make sure everything was in order. She then found herself walking around her neighborhood until she found the little coffeehouse that she enjoyed so much when she first came to New York. She sat in the corner enjoying her latte and people watching. She didn't want her thoughts to go back to Seattle, but they did. She was back in Escala with Christian. She had images of him smiling, laughing, frowning, and being sad. Her least favorite was him being mad. The Red Room came into view. She could see herself tied up to the cross and to the whipping bench. She could almost feel the cool silk of the bed against her skin as she was tethered to the bedposts. She remembered the nights of passion and lovemaking with Christian but she also remembered the pain. He had hurt her a few times in the Red Room, the first time had been with a belt and she left him. The second time was with the flogger when he went too far one evening and she had to safeword. The third time, he was mad at her for going out with work friends and not coming home until the wee hours of the morning and he took her into the Red Room and restrained her from the grid that went across the ceiling. She had to stand on her toes or just hang. He blindfolded her then denied her climax over and over again until she was crying. He was cruel that night. She had to once again safeword, and he stopped but he was so cold and unfeeling leaving her in sobs in the room as he walked away. She should have left him that night and maybe the pain of his trip to the club to rent a sub would have never happened because she wouldn't have known. Instead, she had moved out of their bedroom and into a guest room until he apologized. That was the last time she would go into the playroom with him. She didn't feel safe with him in there anymore.

He called her baby! That was the one memory that hurt the most. He called her baby and at times treated her like she was a child. Baby. At times it was an endearment and at other times it seemed like a curse of being weak and helpless. Now she was upset at herself for enjoying Gideon when he got so rough. She saw her bottom in the bathroom mirror at her apartment. She was bruised across the bottom of her buttocks. He was pounding so hard into her that his hips had caused this bruising. Then, he called her baby! He never called her baby. When she heard it she was instantly filled with anger, but it wasn't toward Gideon, but toward Christian. He was still messing with her mind. He was still inside her. She knew that she loved Gideon, but Christian was still hurting her. He had broken her heart, misused her trust, and in her mind, cheated on her. The pain was still there, not as hot as it had burned but it was still there. Gideon had wiped much of it away. She drank her latte and stared at her phone that she had placed on the table before her.

She sat for another hour then decided to call Gideon. He answered with a quiet and controlled voice.

"I'm sorry, Gideon." She said. Her eyes were full of tears. She had hurt this glorious sweet man. She didn't deserve him.

"I am too, Goddess. I didn't mean to hurt you. Come home, my love."

"I will get a cab."

"I will come and get you, honey." He closed his eyes thankful that she wanted to come back. "Are you at your apartment?"

"I am the coffeehouse around the corner from my apartment." She sniffed. "Gideon, we need to talk. I need to tell you things…and you might not want me afterwards."

"Ana, I will always want you." His deep voice declared. He couldn't lose her. He needed her in his life. He couldn't live without her. She made him happy and with her he felt love for the first time in his life. "Just stay there and I will be with you in a just a few minutes. Ana, I do love you."

"I know that you do." She still couldn't say those words to him. She had said them to Christian and where did that get her. She was left broken and betrayed. "I will be here waiting for you."


	10. Chapter 10: Revelations

Chapter Ten: Revelations

Ana returned to Gideon's penthouse and before she could explain he suggested that she shower and change into something comfortable. She took her time in the shower letting the hot water soothe her. She dried her hair and pulled it back in a simple braid then dressed in sweats and one of Gideon's Cross Industries, Inc. t-shirts. It made her smile because the material was soft and smelled of Gideon.

Gideon was sitting on the sofa in the living room. He had opened a bottle of wine and prepared a fruit and cheese plate for them to enjoy. He smiled as he stood when she entered the room. Even without makeup and wearing her comfy clothes she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He opened his arms and beckoned her to come to him. They embraced tightly and Ana savored his warmth.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Gideon. You don't deserve this." She said into his chest. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

Gideon wiped the tears from her face. "I'm a big boy, Ana. You didn't hurt me." He softly kissed her lips. "Would you like a glass of wine?" She nodded and took a seat on the sofa. After he poured her a glass he handed it to her. "I owe you an explanation." She declared then took a sip of the white wine. "I met Christian when I was finishing my Senior year at WSU at Vancouver. My room-mate was scheduled to interview him for the college newspaper but she caught the flu and she asked me to go in her place. I went and found him over-confident, arrogant, and extremely handsome. He says he fell in love with me during that interview because I challenged him. I went back to Vancouver to my little college life and the next thing I know Christian Grey is at my work, giving me his private phone number, and agreeing to a private photo session for the article. I learned later that he had run a background check on me and found out all my personal information such as where I worked and if I had a boyfriend. He was stalking me I guess you can say. After the photo session he asked me out for coffee and we talked. He sent me expensive books and he did save me from an over amorous friend who thought he was in love with me. Christian took me to his hotel room and watched over me for the night while I slept off my first drunk." She had to laugh. "He invited me to Seattle to his apartment and even flew me there in his helicopter." Gideon was frowning thinking that Grey was trying to impress the girl with his wealth. "Of course I was in seventh heaven. This good looking guy was paying attention to me. I never considered myself a pretty girl like Kate or those perfect super-models. I was just little Ana Steele, book worm and nerd. I never had a boyfriend and only been kissed by a boy twice in my life. Christian took me to Seattle not for a date, but to explain the relationship that he wanted me to have with him." She stopped to see Gideon's reaction. He just sat back and waited for her to continue. "Gideon, I know you are a very worldly man and know about alternative lifestyles…and what I am about to tell you has to remain between us forever. You can't never tell a soul about this or use it for any purpose. Do you agree?"

"Of course, Ana. I would never betray you or your confidence." He said leaning forward and taking her hand.

"Christian took me to Seattle to show me his playroom…his BDSM playroom. He wanted me to be his submissive. He had me sign a NDA and then he gave me this contract that outlined that relationship that he wanted. It was just to be sex and punishment. Of course, I tried to be the cool and confident young woman of the world, but I was scared to death…not of him per say, but because I was still a virgin."

"Ana!" He exclaimed. "Did he…did you lose your virginity in a scene?" He knew a little bit about the lifestyle.

"No, when I told him that I was a virgin he freaked out. He really wanted this between us, but he didn't think a girl should lose her virginity in a non-vanilla way. He took me to his bedroom and made love to me instead of his usual fucking hard, as he called it."

"Did you sign the contract?"

Ana shook her head. "I never did. He knew I wasn't a sub. I did go to his playroom a few times because I did agree to become what he wanted, but we never got around to signing the contract. He took a belt to me once to show me how bad his punishments could be and I left him. I didn't want to be beaten. We were separated for five days and then he came back after me offering a different relationship. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that still had some kinky fuckery to it, but he got rid of the most severe instruments like canes, whips, and belts and he tore up the NDA. I enjoyed the toys and I will admit I enjoyed the flogger when administered lightly. We were engaged on his birthday and started to plan our wedding. I wanted a long engagement because I was starting a new job at WP and we needed time to learn about each other. We had moved so fast, that we didn't know each other except physically. As my career took off and I had more responsibilities we began to fight more and more. He would end up sleeping alone until he couldn't stand it anymore then came crawling back apologizing until I forgave him. Our last fight was over the fact that he went to a BDSM club and rented a sub for a scene. He was photographed beating this woman with a cane and those photographs were sent to me at my place of employment. I broke off our engagement and gave him back the ring and all the gifts that he had given me. I didn't want anything of his to remind me of his betrayal and to me renting a sub was a betrayal even if he didn't fuck her." She took another sip of her wine. "He used to call me baby and at times he treated me like one. He wanted to control every aspect of my life which caused our fights. He suffocated me and I let him because I loved him. I just couldn't live with or marry a man that I could no longer trust."

"Why do you think that I wouldn't want you anymore? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I think he has ruined me. I can't…and you said…I am scared of you, Gideon. I adore you, but I am frightened of the pain you could cause me if you decided that you didn't want me anymore." She stood up and began to pace before him. "Today you bruised me and I won't lie, it hurt, but I liked it, I got off on it. It was when you called me baby that I freaked. I need to know that you are not in the  
lifestyle. I can't do that anymore. I don't mind a hard fuck, but I won't be abused or hit."

"Goddess, I am a dominant but I don't hit women for sexual pleasure. I do like to fuck hard and I am sorry that I hurt you. I like to have the upper hand in a sexual relationship, but honey, what we have is more than sexual. I love you, Ana, and I want you to love and trust me." He went to his knees before her. "When you are ready I will be more than happy to accept that love and trust."

Ana looked down at him. "You don't think I am sick and twisted because I let him do the things that he did?" She sniffed. "Or, that I liked a lot of it?"

"Honey, I like to play also with toys and you know I like to fuck hard. I just don't want to hurt you in any way. You are too precious to me. You are a lady and deserve to be treated like one. You are the one, Ana. You are my one and only." He took her hands and held them tenderly in his own. "I have not lived a monk's life, you know that. I have fucked a lot of women in my life, but that is all that is was. It was just fucking. I never dated my fuck buddies and I never fucked my female friends. I never brought any woman back here to my penthouse or had them in my office like I have with you. I kept a hotel room in one of the hotels that I own for those hookups." He looked down at her long fingers. She was so delicate yet he knew her to be a strong woman, probably the strongest woman he had ever met. "I never wanted a relationship. I just wanted to fuck and go. But, then you came along and changed everything. You made me grow a heart. I wanted you and I still want you. If you don't want me to call you baby, I won't. If you aren't ready to say the "L" word, I will wait until you do. All I know is that I can't live without you in my life and beside me not just in my bed, but in all aspects of my life."

Ana fell in love with him more at that moment. "Gideon, I do care a great deal for you and I do …you know…the "L" word…I just can't say it. I said it to him and he broke my heart."

Gideon pulled her close and wrapped his arms about her waist and laid his head on her stomach. "I will marry you someday, Ana Steele. You take your time, and when you are ready and feel more secure then you will be able to say it." He kissed her belly. "Someday my sons will rest in here." He looked up her to see her shocked reaction. "I want to have babies with you when you are ready."

"Gideon." She breathed. Marriage and babies with Gideon Cross? She didn't expect that. Christian wanted to marry her, but he said very little about babies. He never wanted to discuss them having a child, but Gideon was saying babies. "I would love to have your babies."

They began to laugh and she hugged his dark head and placed kisses upon his dark hair. She joined him on the floor and they rolled upon the carpet kissing each other hungrily. She was pulling at his clothing wanting to feel his warm flesh. She could never touch Christian like this. He tolerated her touch for awhile, and then he would pull away. The man had dark issues that she could never break through. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Gideon had dark issues that caused his night terrors. He hinted at them once in awhile, but he had never shared what caused them.

"Ana, whoa…slow down." He didn't push her away, but held her hands up to his mouth and kissed her fingers. "You need to tell me about your nightmares. I hear you crying sometimes at night."

She lost her smile. "You tell me about yours and I will tell you about mine."

Gideon lost his grip on her hands and they dropped away from him. How could he tell her why he had to take medication to sleep and squelch the nightmares that plagued him? She would never understand. She would think him damaged. She would leave him. "I can't."

"You can't or you won't, Gideon?" She asked lowly. She had shared her past with him but he couldn't tell her about nightmares. "If we are going to have any chance of a future and have the family that you want we have to be honest with each other."

"Ana, it's too horrible. You don't need to know. You would hate me."

She sat up and stared down at him. Just like Christian! She had to pull the truth out of the man about his childhood and the abuse that he suffered through. What was with her attracting broken

men that didn't want to or couldn't share their grief and fears? Did she send out a signal for such men? She got to her feet and went back to the sofa and poured more wine into her glass. She stared out the window admiring that city skyline against the afternoon light. Once again she was in a relationship with a man who did not trust her enough to share his fears. "I think I should go back to my apartment for tonight. We need space."

"No!" He said too loud. She jumped at the sound of his hard voice. "You can't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, Gideon. I'm just giving us some space to breathe."

"You leave me and I won't be able to breathe. Ana, no…don't leave here. If you need space, use the guest room…but don't walk out on me."

"You don't trust me." She whispered. "If you did, you would want me to know all your secrets if only to protect myself from whatever it is." She became stoic and didn't show any emotion. She sat looking forward and swirling her wine in her glass. She could hear him breathing hard. He was in a fearful state. "I won't leave. I promise, Gideon, I won't leave."

He slowly came to his feet. She was staying but she was already gone emotionally. He could see her shutting down. She couldn't say "I love you" and he couldn't tell her why he had night terrors. They were a fucked up couple. Maybe that is why they worked so far, but was it enough to keep them together? Would she ever trust him enough to say that she loved him and would he trust her enough to tell her why he wakes up screaming? Would their pasts ruin their future?


	11. Chapter 11: Cross vs Grey

Chapter Eleven: Cross vs. Grey

Ana sat her desk at CPI trying to read through a few manuscripts. Her mind kept going back to the evening when she told Gideon about Christian and their life together. Gideon took it well that she liked hard fucks and he understood that she didn't want to be called Baby anymore. Her only problem was that Gideon would not disclose why he had night terrors but wanted to know about her nightmares. She didn't want to tell him that she dreamed of Christian flogging her while she is tied up and at times woke up wet and ready to fuck. She couldn't believe that she was having sex dreams about her ex-fiancé. Actually, it pissed her off that Christian Grey was still in her head. She wondered if she would be able to rid herself of his memory. Gideon was different in many ways from Christian. For one, she could touch Gideon without fear of being rejected. Gideon didn't have a problem talking to her and he didn't have to manipulate or dominate her. In bed, Gideon liked to be in control which she enjoyed. She always felt safe with Gideon, and she had to admit that there were times she felt in danger with Christian, especially if he was angry or frustrated and he wanted to go into the Playroom. However, she did wonder about Gideon's secret. What would cause him to have night terrors so bad that he had to take medication? Was this the reason why he wouldn't sleep with women throughout the night? She wondered if his dreams were violent and he acted them out in his sleep. Maybe this is why he was medicated at night. She only witnessed one nightmare but she was able to wake him up before it got too bad. He only told someone to "stop" and that "it hurt". She hoped that someday Gideon would trust her enough to give her the complete truth.

Both men were super handsome and could be very sweet and kind, but Ana was forgetting Grey a little bit more every day as Gideon filled her thoughts at all times. She found herself fantasizing about Gideon during the day when she should be working and fought the urge to go to the Crossfire Building and march into his office and request his sexual attentions. She knew he would gladly cancel any and all meetings to accommodate her needs and desires.

She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. She was about to slip into another naughty sex dream about her current lover when her office phone rang.

"Steele." She said shortly.

"Ana? This is Christian Grey."

She rolled her eyes. _Like I need you to introduce yourself. I know your voice better than I know my own._ She covered the phone's mouthpiece and cleared her voice. "Hello Mr. Grey, what can I do for your today?"

Christian could think of few things she could do for him. One of them was for her to get naked and let him have his way with her. Her sweet voice already had him painfully hard. "I just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing?"

"That is kind of you, Mr. Grey, but I am extremely busy at the moment."

"I am in town and I would like to take your out for dinner this evening." He asked in a very gentlemanly manner.

"I have plans for this evening.' She said shooting him down.

"How about lunch? Just a friendly lunch."

"We do not have friendly lunches, Christian. The last time we lunched you wanted to fuck me on the table. I think it is best for us to stay away from each other."

"Baby, I miss you so much. Please come home to me."

"Mr. Grey, I am not your baby and no, I will not be returning to Seattle. I am happy here in New York City. I have a great job that pays very well and I have friends that I enjoy spending time with. Why would I return to Seattle and be kept as your prisoner? We are through, Christian. It would be best for us both if you left me alone and returned to Seattle."

"He's not right for you." Christian said lowly.

"I am assuming that you are speaking about Gideon."

"He can't love you like I do. I want to marry you and have a life with you. Cross will not offer marriage."

Ana began to laugh. "He already has, Christian. All I have to do is say yes."

"Then why haven't you."

"Because I want it to be special when I accept his proposal. I will say yes when I want to say yes." She smiled to herself knowing that Christian was about to go thermonuclear. "Good bye , Christian."

Ana hung up on her former fiancé then quickly called her future fiancé. She smiled when she heard his voice say her name. She asked him for a lunch meeting and they agreed to meet at Ludlow's at one o'clock.

Gideon watched as the woman he was head over heels in love with walked toward and greeted him with a kiss that promised a night of heated passion. His big arms went around her and she giggled as he drew her inside his embrace.

"I've missed you, Goddess."

She reached up and accepted his kiss even though they were in public. She hoped that someone was snapping their picture. She wanted the world to know that they belonged to each other. "I missed you also and I wish I had a place to show you." She said suggestively. Her hand traced over his deep chest down to his taunt ridged stomach. She stopped when she got to his belt. He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. "Gideon, I want to tell your something that you want to know about."

Gideon looked around the restaurant. He saw a quiet table in the back. He took her hand and led her back there even though their escort wanted them to sit somewhere else. Gideon waved the person away and kept walking. He helped Ana into a chair then sat next to her. "What do you want to tell me?"

Ana swallowed hard. "The dreams that I have are about Christian taking me into his Playroom and beating me with a cane. I wake up screaming because I can feel the canes hitting me. Lately, he speaks in my dreams, telling me that he is going to kill you if I sleep you with again." She took a deep breath. "He called me today and wants me back. He's in New York." She looked up at her dark Caesar and then back down to her folded hands. "I also wanted you to know that I do trust you completely and that I do love you."

"Ana." He breathed. Then a smile spread across his handsome face. His blue eyes twinkled with joy. "Ana, I want you so much. Come with me to the Penthouse."

"Gideon, please promise me one thing. Don't underestimate Grey. He can be dangerous and he won't hesitate to order things…I mean he could have you killed."

"Goddess, I didn't get rich by being afraid. I can be ruthless also." He held her hand. "He can't hurt me, nor can he hurt you."

"I know that you don't want to tell me about your nightmares, but I hope someday you will…when you trust me more." She covered his hand with her other hand. "Now, let's eat something then go back to the penthouse for a little desert."

Ana was in heaven. She lay in Gideon's arms and smiled like a Cheshire cat. She cuddled into his warmth and security. "That my love was fantastic." She declared with a heavy sigh. She was content and satisfied. "It just gets better and better."

Gideon smiled pleased that she received such pleasure from his body. He could think of a thousand ways to make her come and he couldn't wait to do just that. "It was my complete pleasure to make you happy."

"Gideon, when you are ready to ask…the answer will be yes." She whispered to him as she pushed his dark strands of hair from his face. She loved looking at his swarthy face. "I want you so much."

Gideon growled as he rolled her over onto her back. He pinned her arms close to her body cocooning her with his own body. She felt secure under him. "Do you want me to fuck you or make love to you?"

Ana kissed him hard. "Both." She answered against his lips. "I have the rest of the afternoon to give to you, Mr. Cross."

"Mmmmm, Miss Steele, you are going to corrupt me by keeping me from my work." He kissed down the side of her throat. She tasted so good and her natural smell was addicting. "But, I love being corrupted by you."

Ana could feel his massive erection against her body. She pushed her hips into his. His hands were cupping her breasts and playing with her nipples. She moaned in delight as he made her body begin to burn with desire and want. Ana closed her eyes when his mouth captured one peak and began to suck. "Oh, Gideon." She mewed. She felt one of his hands between her legs making her soft and wet. She knew this fuck would be hard. He was already erect and throbbing. He kissed down her body and began to suck on her clit and the delicate folds of her body. He wanted her to come over and over again. She was so tight that he wanted her well lubricated to accept his meaty member. He groaned as he licked and sucked her wet pussy tasting her sweet juices. He kept eating her making her come over and over again. She felt faint and the room was spinning. "Oh..MY…God…Gideon! Please, honey…please."

He lifted his dark head and looked up at her with his stormy blue eyes. "Come for me, Goddess." His fingers entered her sweet tight pussy. Her hips began to move and grind against his groin. "Yes, my little Goddess…come for me…I can feel your pussy sucking on my fingers. You are so wonderful…oh..mmmmm…Ana…I love you. I love how you feel under me. I love your body. I love you."

"Gideon, never let me go."

~xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx~

Christian couldn't believe that she hung up on him. He stared at his cell phone for a few moments as he contemplated calling her again. He clicked it off and threw the phone on the hotel desk. She belonged to Cross! He could hear it in her voice. He had lost her forever.

Christian turned to alcohol to soothe his broken heart and defeated ego. She was the first woman to deny him his pleasures and wants. After drinking over half a bottle of bourbon he sat at his laptop and read through the Google alerts about the love of his life. The newest came with a photograph of Ana and Gideon kissing and her hands were all over the man. He looked over her beautiful face. He recognized that look that she bestowed upon Cross. Her eyes were dreamy and soft and her lips were parted for a kiss. His eyes read the caption but he had to reread it because his eyesight was blurry from the drink.

_Gideon Cross and his newest girlfriend were seen at Ludlow's today enjoying more than the food. The lovely Anastasia Steele is said to be the one and wedding bells are soon to be peeling for the happy couple. Looks like Cross can be crossed off the most eligible bachelor list! _

FUCK! Christian pounded the desk with his fists. _She can't marry Cross. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She loves me. She has always loved me. Yeah…asshole..loved…past tense. You fucked it up. She has a new life now. Look at her. She is in love! You only did this to yourself. She wanted you and you treated her like shit and threw her away because of your stupid fears! You use your past to excuse your bad behavior and to keep others from knowing you in any real sense because you don't feel worthy. You have done it with your family, your employees, those who wanted to be friends, the subs, and now Ana. You drove them away. _

_I don't love. I don't do relationships. She knew this. I am too fucked up! Yeah, you're fucked up because you choose to be. You like being the victim! I am not a victim! I am Christian Grey! I don't do victim! You play the victim… you always have. It's your thing. You like that people fear you and that you can do whatever you what because you can blame it on your mother. It's all her fault….Yeah…it's the bitch's fault that I am fucked up…she didn't want me…she didn't stop…Oh Boo Hoo…poor baby…do you think you are the only one who has lived through such horrors. What about the horrors that you have inflicted on others…on Ana? You knew she wasn't in the lifestyle yet you pursued her. You played with her heart! She gave you everything and yet that wasn't enough! She ran when you hurt her. She did what she had to do to save herself. If she stayed you would have turned her into another Leila! You are a fucktard!_

Christian didn't bother drinking from a glass. He was jugging the bourbon from the decanter. His heart was shattered. He heard his phone ringing but he ignored it. He ignored everything but the pain that raced through his veins. He had to get her back. He knew that he loved her. He had to have her in his life. She made his life right. He took another drink and tried to stand but he sunk to his knees. He had destroyed himself when he hurt the love of his life.

~xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx~

A man searched through hundreds of diamonds searching for the perfectly cut diamond for his design. This ring had to be perfect. The buyer intensely insisted that nothing but the most perfect diamond would do for his intended purposes. The man kept searching, and searching knowing that his deadline was approaching. The buyer would not be happy if he failed. This diamond and the ring itself had to be a one of kind, perfect, yet simple ring. The man closed his eyes to give them a rest. He had been working for days. He was about to give up when a stone caught his eye. It was a three carat, princess cut diamond without any flaws. It was perfect. He laughed in exhaustion and joy. The ring could now be made since its diamond had been found.

~xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Spring went into Summer and Gideon and Ana were closer than ever. They went to work, had lunches together, went back to their work places and then went home together. Most of their evenings were spent making love and fucking hard. Ana felt she the best of both worlds of vanilla and a little of the darker shades of love. She was amazed at Gideon's depth of knowledge on how to make her come. He once told her that he knew a thousand ways to make her come and she was pretty sure that they were half way there.

She was trying on bathing suits at Macy's preparing for a little vacation with Gideon to the Bahamas. She stepped out of the dressing room to use the full length mirror. She was in a designer bathing suit that cost more than her first car. She forgot the designer's name, but she adored this little bikini that showed off her curves. It was a French cut bikini in violet-blue. She turned every which way to get the best views. She reached up and pulled the hair tie to release her pony-tail and let her brunette hair flow over her shoulders. She looked amazing in this suit. She knew that Gideon would be over the moon for this little number. She looked to the sales lady who was smiling wide knowing that they had found the perfect suit. "I will take this one and I would like it also in pink, red, and the lily print that I saw."

"Very good choices, Miss Steele. I will have them sent to your address. Can I interest you in some cover-ups and sundresses?"

"Of course, I am sure Mr. Cross has called you already and told you what I need." She had to laugh.

The sales lady joined in the laughter. "Of course, he did." She looked over the pretty young lady that Gideon Cross had called the jewel of his life and demanded that the staff treat her like a Queen. All her purchases were to be put on his expense account and the sky was the limit. She could have anything she wanted. "I have taken the liberty to pull some of the most beautiful dresses for your consideration."

"Thank you, Ms. Jenkins. I do appreciate your help." She took another look at her reflection in the mirror. She stood up straight and turned to the side to see that her stomach was flat and ripped with muscles from her work-outs at Crosstrainers. She was about to walk into the dressing room when she saw a familiar face in the mirror. She froze like a statue when she saw Christian Grey staring at her with lustful eyes. She turned around and looked at him. He was leaning against a pillar and smiling at her. She hadn't seen or heard from him since that last phone call when he professed his love once again and told her that Gideon wasn't right for her. Ana backed away from him and ran into the dressing room. She pulled the suit off and quickly dressed in her own clothes. She stepped out of the dressing room to met Mrs. Jenkins with a rack of clothes. "Mrs. Jenkins, I just received an important phone call and I have to leave. Can you send all these clothes to my home? I trust your taste and I am sure I will be happy with them."

"Of course, Miss Steele and if you don't like something, it can be sent back with no problems."

"Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins." Ana smiled and nodded at the woman then stepped back into the store to where Christian was waiting for her. She noticed that he seemed heavier, especially around the face and he looked tired but he still looked like the Greek God she once thought he was.

"Anastasia." He said with his smirk. He pushed away from the pillar and approached her slowly. He bent down and kissed her cheek. "You look great in that bathing suit."

"Uh… Thank you, Christian. Why are you here?"

"I heard that you were and I wanted to see you." He looked down at her and he still felt the pull towards her. He still wanted her. He loved her. He spied her hands and was very pleased not to see an engagement ring. "Are you still with Cross?"

"I am sure that you know that I am. Don't play stupid, Christian, it doesn't sit well with you."

"Touche', Miss Steele." He drawled. "I am going for a late lunch; would you like to join me?"

Ana felt trapped. Gideon was out of town and she was sure that Christian already knew that. "I don't think that would be a good idea, Mr. Grey. I am sure you already have a place in mind and of course, I am sure you have people in place to take the appropriate pictures that would cause problems between Gideon and me." She crossed her arms over her chest making him smile even more.

"You are a suspicious little thing."

"No, Christian, I know how your mind works." She started to walk away, and then stopped and turned to face him. "Give me your phone, Christian."

"Excuse me?"

"If you want to have lunch with me, give me your phone." She held her hand out and waited for him to hand it over. "Thank you." She quickly used it and called Taylor that she knew was either close by or waiting in the car for them. He answered quickly. "Hello, Taylor, this is Ana. Thank you, I am fine. I am just calling to tell you that Christian will not need you for a few hours and will be under my security team. I also need you to call whatever restaurant that he made reservations at and cancel them. Oh, yes, Taylor, don't bother trying to track his phone, because it will be switched off after this conversation. No, Taylor, I am not kidnapping Mr. Grey…I am taking him to lunch on my terms and not his. Have a good day, Jason." She hung up and turned off the phone. She smiled as she dropped it into her purse. She made a motion in the air with her hand which brought two men instantly to her side. "Will you please search Mr. Grey for any other phones or contraband?" She only smiled at him as he smirked. Their eyes were connected as he was searched and another phone was found. She only shook her head at him. "Destroy the phone, and have my car brought around. We are going to lunch at Arnie's in a private room. Make the reservation, please."

"Yes, ma'm…I mean Miss Ana." The larger of her two guards said. He motioned for the other guard to escort Ana and her guest to the waiting car.

When they were in her Bentley and headed to lunch Christian turned to her. "You have learned to accept security quite well."

"Yes, I have, of course, these men were chosen by me and they answer to me." She declared. She wanted him to know that Gideon did not control every aspect of her life, that her lover trusted her completely. "So, why are you in New York?"

"Business…and you. I will always come to New York in hopes to see you." His voice was soft. "You do look wonderful. You take my breath away every time I see a picture of you." She thanked him. His eyes wandered over her body especially when she crossed her legs. She wore a beautiful tan colored shift dress with nude thigh highs and her caramel colored five-inch Jimmy Choos. "I always loved your legs."

"Christian, please keep your thoughts about my body to yourself. I agreed to this lunch out of morbid curiosity; please do not make me regret it."

"Are you and Cross getting married?"

"We are discussing."

"Children?"

She looked at him with her cool blue eyes. "Yes, we want to have a family someday."

"I will give you babies, if you want. I will give you anything, Ana, just come home with me. Everyone misses you. Kate is lost without you and she really wants you to be her Maid of Honor."

"I have already explained this to Kate. I do not want to be in the wedding. I told her that Gideon and I will attend, but I will not be in the wedding party." She looked ahead and saw that they were close to the restaurant.

Christian stared ahead. That argument didn't work. Maybe, it was time to let go. Flynn kept telling him to let Ana go and be grateful for the time that they did have together. "You have moved on."

It was more of an accusation. Ana nodded agreement. She noticed the sadness in his eyes. "Yes, Christian and I wish you would do it also. You can find someone else."

"Ana, there will be no one else but you." He whispered. He knew there could never be anyone else. He didn't want another woman unless she was under contract and restrained. He couldn't stand if another woman besides Ana touched him. "I've gone back."

"I know." She admitted sadly.

They stared at each other. The pain between them was still raw but so was the attraction on Christian's side. "Ana, I can't…not without you."

One little part of heart cried out for him. He was such a lost boy, but she was not his cure-all. She didn't want that responsibility. If he wanted a happy life with someone in it, he had to make it happened. His happiness rested on his shoulders. "I guess if the lifestyle makes you happy, then I guess that is where you should be."

"That's it, Ana…I'm not happy but it's all that I know. I don't know any other way."

"Yes, you do, Christian. What we had was good when it was good." She declared. "You need someone who is in the lifestyle that likes what you do but needs just a little bit more. Maybe you should revisit some of your former subs." She couldn't believe that she was saying this to the man who had been her first love and lover. Ana knew she was truly in love with Gideon if she could let Christian go so completely. "You are a good man, Christian and you do have a heart. Don't let yourself get closed off again." She patted his hand as the car rolled to a stop and her driver jumped out to open her door. She walked into the restaurant with the confidence of a business woman on a mission. She chatted charmingly with the owner who was waiting to greet her and show them to their table. Being the love interest of Gideon Cross laid Manhattan at her feet.

After they were seated Ana turned to Christian. "Would you like to choose the wine?"

"Sure." He said quietly. He knew that he had lost her and it was now just accepting it and trying to move on with his own pitiful life. After he gave the wine order he looked at Ana. "This will be the last time I come to New York to see you. I'm sure I will have to come for business, but I won't be bothering you anymore."

She only nodded. There were no words to console him. This was what she wanted. She was with Gideon and her future was with her Caesar. "I wish you all the best, Christian, I really do."

"I never had sex with the sub." He declared wanting to clear the air once and for all.

"It was still cheating because of the sexual undertones." She replied. "Christian, just let it go. We are not right for each other."

"Cross isn't right for you either. He will hurt you sooner or later. Believe me, he's not what he seems, you just don't know him."

She cleared her voice. "I know Gideon Cross better than I ever knew you. I know about his dreams, his wants and needs, and we want the same thing. We want a future together." She lowered her voice. "I get it that he is ruthless in business, but so are you. He is good to me, and he doesn't have to beat my ass to fuck me. Now drop it, Christian, or I will stand up and walk out of here." Her blue eyes turned ice cold as she defended the man that she adored. Christian backed down and Ana visibly relaxed. "I gather that Grace and Carrick are doing well…"

Their lunch ended with a casual acquaintance feel to it. There was no spark of sexual fire but there was no anger. Christian left New York that afternoon for Seattle knowing he had lost the love of his life forever. This was the final goodbye and her life would be with Gideon Cross in New York City. For the first time in many years, Christian cried real tears of a broken heart.


	12. Chapter 12: Fun in the Sun

Chapter Twelve: Fun in the Sun

The sunshine, sand, and the warm trade winds made their tropical vacation perfect. Ana and Gideon walked along the beach hand in hand watching the sun sink into the horizon. They stopped a few times to embrace and kiss. Ana was deliriously happy with this tall dark sex god. After watching the sunset, they walked back to the private beach house that Gideon rented for them. Ana felt her body going weightless then she realized that Gideon had swept her off her feet and carried her up the steps to the veranda that ran along the back of the house. He kissed her softly as he carried her into the house. He let her slide down his body slowly but his lips never left hers. "You smell of sun and the breeze." He whispered against those soft pink lips. "I want you, Ana. I need you now."

"Gideon." She breathed. She launched herself at him wrapping her arms about his neck. "I am yours." She kissed him tasting Gideon and wine. He growled against her lips as he swung her around. She started laughing which made Gideon smile. "Oh, Gideon."

He took her to the soft white linen sofa and laid her upon the cushions. He settled between her legs and looked down at her. Her face was lightly tanned making those blue eyes even bluer. She was smiling up at him. "Ana, you make me so happy."

"Love me, Gideon." She reached for him. Her eyes were burning with desire for him. He kissed her softly.

"Marry me, Ana." He said caressing her face with his long fingers. "Be mine for the rest of our lives."

She sucked in her breath. She thought this might happen during their little vacation, but she was still happily shocked to hear his words. "Yes, Gideon, I want to be your wife."

Gideon slide off the sofa onto one knee. He was so tall that he still towered over her. He produced a beautiful diamond ring from the pocket in his khaki shorts that sat low on his hips. It was a beautiful diamond cut in the princess style so it caught the light and made it sparkle like a star. He gently took her left hand and slid the ring on. "Will you marry me, Goddess?" He smiled brightly wanting to make it official.

"Yes, my darling Caesar." She answered giggling. She held up her hand to admire the beautiful three carat ring. She bit her lip and reached for her fiancé with her left hand and pulled his dark head down to meet her lips. "I love you."

Gideon began to unbutton the summer dress that she wore. He had chosen this dress for its easy access. "I am going to fuck you slow and hard tonight, Ana. I want you to feel every inch of me and I want to feel every inch of you. Let me show you delights that will send you into outer space."

"Gideon, I want to please you."

"Oh, Ana, you do please me. I want to please you, honey." She lay before him in a pink bra and panty set that showed her assets off to perfection. He caressed her skin softly with his long fingers, trailing up and down her body starting at her neck and trailing between her breasts; over her flat trim stomach to her hips. "You feel like silk. I can't touch you enough."

He had her nearly panting with just a simple touch. His blue eyes burned with unspeakable need for her. His body was hard and ready for her. He pulled her up into a sitting position. Quietly he undone her hair and spread her chocolate tresses over her shoulders. "You are perfection, sweetheart."

Ana reached over and let her arms drape over his broad shoulders. "Why am I always half naked and you are still dressed?" They laughed together.

"Would you like me naked also?"

"Yes, Caesar, I want you naked." She leaned forward and kissed him as her hands slid off his shoulders and started to unbutton his white linen shirt. She pushed the shirt off his shoulders letting it fall to the floor. She caressed down his broad and heavily muscled chest to his abs. Touching him was heaven in itself. His skin was hot and he smelled of his spicy body wash and the sun. Her mouth parted as her breath came in puffs. She leaned forward and kissed his shoulders, letting her lips trace over his pecs. Her hand started to work the button and zipper of his shorts. He had gone commando so her eyes grew large when she saw his already harden cock. She bit that lower lip as she shyly looked up at him with those large blue eyes. The shorts were pushed down his thighs and she took him into her hands and gently stroked him. Gideon's head fell back as he enjoyed the softness of her hands upon his flesh.

"For once, you are over dressed, Goddess." He said as he took a deep breath and pushed the dress from her shoulders. He stood up and shook his shorts off and left them on the floor. He sat on the sofa next to her and grabbed her around the waist and placed her on his lap. He reached around and unfastened her bra and threw it on top of his discarded shorts. He smiled at her as he tore her expensive panties to shreds making her cry out in disbelief that he had ruined her La Perla panties. "Don't worry, my sweet girl, I will buy you a hundred pairs of them." His beautiful male mouth connected to a harden nipple and sucked and licked it. His attention went to the other nipple. His long fingers played and pulled with her nipples. "You are so sweet, Ana. So sweet." His mouth captured hers as he grabbed her hips and pulled her up then brought her down slowly onto his rigid big cock! He moaned as she slid down the shaft.

"My God!" She cried out feeling his body slice through hers. He was so big and throbbing. Her breathing was rapid as she began to move with him. "Gideon…ahhhh….mmmmm please…Gideon."

His face was buried in her breast as his arms encircled her waist and pulled her close to his chest. "Hold on, Goddess…hold on just a little longer." He said through clinched teeth. "You feel so good…so tight…uhhhhh ….yes…yes…just a little bit more…Ana!" Thrusting with all his might he filled her with his own body. She knew that she had been fucked. She tensed as her climax raced through her body and she was lost to any coherent thought. All she knew was Gideon, the man that possessed her completely. He was her obsession and her life.

"Oh…I'm coming…..coming….oh..oh..yes…"She screamed as her climax caught her and pushed her over the age. She was dizzy and everything seemed to go in slow motion! She could feel his large hands on her hips taking her and slamming her up and down on his shaft. His head was thrown back and he yelled as he came deep inside her. He could feel each wave of ejaculation being shot inside her and the walls of her womanhood tremor with the aftershock of her climax. He kissed her moaning her name into her mouth. He was not gentle. He wanted her to know that he belonged to her and that she was his. Ana collapsed into his muscular chest. "My God, Gideon…that was magnificent!"

"It was magical." He breathed. Her demanding body had sucked him dry. "I love you Anastasia Rose Steele."

With a sigh of contentment she sighed happily. "I love you, Gideon…forever."

Kate heard her phone bing and she knew that she had a text message waiting for her. She was running through the hallway of Kavanagh Media. She looked down to see that it was Ana that had messaged her.

**Ana: Having fun in the sun. I have sand where there should never be sand….and I am engaged!"**

Kate was stopped in her tracks and she had to read the message twice until she completely understood what she read.

**Kate: Holy Shit! I am assuming that it's Gideon. Congrats!**

**Ana: Of course, who else?  
Kate: A certain multi-billionaire who is madly in love with you still.**

**Ana: Thank you for not saying his name. Is he alright?**

**Kate: He is a hot mess!**

**Ana: Oh.**

**Kate: Running into a meeting…call me later!**

**Ana: Will do….good luck in meeting!**

Kate sat through a marketing presentation and wondered why she was here, however Kate's father demanded that his daughter sit through the meeting. She ignored the keynote talker and thought about Ana's message. She was engaged to Gideon Cross! She was happy for Ana especially since Christian had gone back to being an asshole with everyone. She hadn't seen her future brother-in-law in a couple of weeks and to be truthful she didn't mind. Christian's attitude at best was difficult and there were times he was insulting and cruel. She was amazed that Elliot managed to keep his temper when Christian was around. Kate found herself smiling as she thought of Ana and her Mr. Cross. At least, Ana had moved on and was happy!

Gideon was staring at his fiancé with loving eyes. This woman swept into his life and stripped away all his barriers and made him feel love. He always thought that love was a gift that he should never receive, but here it was in the little bundle called Anastasia Rose Steele. She was relaxing in the double hammock that was tied between two posts on the veranda. She was reading a book but every now and then her beautiful eyes would look toward the blue waters of the Caribbean. Soft trade winds gingerly kissed her skin and made her long waves dance upon her shoulders. She was his Goddess! She couldn't be mortal. He only hoped that he could truly make her happy and be able to keep her by his side. He heard her phone buzz and she picked up it up and read the text message that had come through. She smiled broadly so he surmised that it was her good friend Kate from Seattle. He knew that Ana had told the pretty blonde because she had to tell someone or bust with excitement. Now, they had to discuss where they would get married and how they would be married? Would she want a big fancy affair or would she want a more intimate ceremony? Whatever, she wanted he promised to himself that he would move heaven and earth to make it happen for her!

Ana could feel his eyes on her. Her skin tingled when his blue eyes ravished her with his desires and needs. Her sky blue eyes lifted from the book she was reading and caught his glaze. With a gentle smile she invited him to join her on the hammock. His long and lean body joined hers and she was so light that she rolled onto him. His muscle bounded arms held her tight to his chest. "I have you, sweetheart." He whispered as he kissed her forehead. "I will always have you."

She kissed his lips then deepens the kiss as her own desires were fired. Her body yearned to feel his naked flesh joined with hers.

"I want you." She said against his lips as her hand went to his already hardening cock. "I can't get enough of you, Gideon. You have made me insatiable."

His laughter was deep and so very sexy. "Who's the lucky boy today?"

After making love for most of the afternoon they ate their evening meal on a blanket in the warm sands of their own private beach. Gideon poured her a glass of champagne then kissed her as he handed it to her. "Where do you want to get married? New York at the Ritz or in Seattle? "

"It's not just my decision, Caesar. We should be married where and when we both want." She took a strawberry that he had ordered with their lovely meal and offered it to him. "If you don't mind, I don't want a big wedding. Something intimate and private with no press if we can help it."

He thought for a bit. "We could get married here on the beach."

"You mean during our little vacation?"

"Yeah, why not? I can fly your parents and whoever else you want here in less than twenty-four hours."

"My parents." She moaned closing her eyes. "They will be difficult. They don't know why I broke up with Christian. I never explained fully." She lost her good mood knowing that her Dad would ask too many questions of why she was willing to marry Gideon so quick and held Christian off for so long to even set the date. Of course, her mom who suffered from happily ever after syndrome would not say a word about the quickness of her actions since she married, divorced and remarried with the speed of a bullet train. "My Dad adored Christian because they both liked to fish."

"I fish…when I have the time. I would rather go hunting though." He said. "A few of the guys from the sports club and I head out west to hunt deer."

"Gideon, let's just elope and tell everyone later. Why go through all the grief of people not understanding or trying to talk us into something we don't want."

"Vegas?" He said as he kissed her neck. She tasted so sweet that he couldn't help but nibble on her soft skin.

"Vegas works for me." She smiled at him. She cupped his strong chin and pulled him close for a kiss. "Can Kate and Elliot join us? They could be our witnesses."

"Elliot is Christian's older brother. Don't you think that might cause some problems?"

"Grey won't be a problem. He is distracted by his new flavor of the month sub." She said lowly. She kept tabs on her ex just in case he decided to do anything to disrupt their lives. She knew about his return to the BDSM lifestyle and she know that he was getting sloppy and reckless. Besides having a sub for the weekends, he also visited a few clubs that catered to such tastes during the week. She knew it would be just a manner of time before his secret would be made public.

"Do you miss it? I mean what he and you did."

"I don't miss the pain." She said lowly. "I only did that because he wanted it. I see now that we would never have made it. I can't be what he needs. I never could."

"Lucky for me, because you are just what I need and want." He nipped at her earlobe then kissed down the slender column of her neck. "If you ever needed that… you would tell me, right? I want to fulfill all your needs, Ana."

"You do all that and more." She smiled at him. She traced his beautiful male mouth with her fingers. "When we have sex or fucking, if you will, we are still making love. I can't separate that with you…but with him…it was one way or the other. It was like he had to have everything in its proper place for him to function. It would have been just a matter of time that he would do that to me. I would have become his prisoner in his ivory tower looking over Seattle."

"And, I thought I was a control-freak." He saw the sadness in her eyes. "Do you miss him?"

"I pity him. He will never know any real happiness." She felt a tear slide over her cheek. "I fear for anyone who gets involved with him. He will hurt someone someday."

"As long as it's not you, Goddess, I would hunt his sorry ass down and kill him if he ever dared to hurt you." His blue eyes went dark with anger. Christian Grey better not ever touch this precious lady that now belonged to him exclusively. He would protect her with every resource he had.

"Let's not talk about the past. It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is this…" She pointed to him and back to her. "…and the future that we want."

"Okay, so we decided where, now when do you want to get married?"

Ana moved her champagne glass behind her and moved closer to her fiancé. "How fast can you get us to Vegas?"


	13. Chapter 13: The Monster Within

Chapter 13: The Monster Within

Within a few hours Gideon and Ana were in Las Vegas at one of his hotel and casinos. They were placed in Gideon's private suite on top of the Cross Hotel and Casino. Ana was sitting on the sofa with her cell phone at her ear as she organized her part of the wedding. She already chose her dress which was being altered to fit her perfectly. The colors, flowers, and cake were already ordered and would be ready for their wedding day which was planned for the next day. She clicked off her phone and smiled at Gideon who was pacing in front of her as he talked on the phone. He already had a small ballroom transformed into a wedding chapel and now he was coordinating all travel plans to get her parents, his sister Ireland, Kate and Elliot, and Jeb and Rachel to Vegas on time and in secret. They all had been sworn to secrecy! He turned to her and gave her a smile.

"Everyone is in the air, on time, and will be here as requested." He sat down next to her. "I will say Kate was excited when I talked to her."

"She loves the cloak and dagger…it's the investigative reporter in her." Ana could see her friend in a gray trench coat, a panama hat tucked over her brow, a reporter's pad and a saw off pencil writing wildly as she worked a story. "She will want to break the news."

"I say let her." Gideon's arm rested on the back of the sofa behind his fiancé's shoulders. His long elegant fingers massaged the back of her neck. "Are you ready for this? I'm not pressuring you into this am I?"

"Gideon, I want this. I don't want the circus of a big New York wedding. This is perfect. All I need is you and a minister…you did find a minister?"

Her beautiful love god smiled. "Yes, we have a minister." He spied the love mark that he left on her neck and he grimaced. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Do what" She asked as she searched over her checklist for the ceremony.

"The hickey. I didn't realize…."

"Shhh, it's alright. It's not a big deal." She leaned into him and kissed the edge of his chin. "Did I complain?"

"I don't want anyone to think that I hurt you…or that I am like him."

"You are nothing like him." She said lowly. "Stop it, Gideon. We chose each other. No one else matters. Not him, not Corrine or the other women who meant nothing to you. This is about you and me."

"Yes, but he meant something to you. You were going to marry him."

"You were going to marry Corrine." She replied. They stared at each other. She could see the regret and worry in his eyes. Was he being self-conscious? Was he worried he didn't measure up to her former fiancé? "Did you love her?"

"I thought I did, but it was just sex. I couldn't sleep with her for a full night. She and I never had that morning after wake up like we have."

"Why?" Ana whispered wondering if he was going to open up even more about his life with the lovely Corrine and why their engagement only lasted a few months.

He only shrugged. "The dreams. I didn't want her to see the night fears and I was afraid I would hurt her."

Ana frowned not understanding. She slept with him every night and never felt in danger. She felt her heart begin to beat a little faster. What was the cause of these night terrors that his medication seemed to keep under control? She had only seen one episode and he woke up quickly when she called out to him. He had yelled out about something hurting and asking for it to stop but she had no idea what plagued his dreams. He wouldn't tell her and she didn't pry. She figured he would tell her as their trust and devotion for each other grew. She didn't want to get into the habit of having to drawing things out of him like she did with Christian. She learned from her former experience that patience in matters such as these was the best course. If anything, Gideon hounded her for information much more than she ever did him. "I know you have night terrors but you have never hurt me. I'm not frightened of you, Gideon."

"You should be." He said taking his arm from around her and sitting forward on the sofa with his forearms on his thighs. "I could hurt you."

Ana stared at the back of his head and noticed the shudders that rippled over his shoulders. He was scared. "Why would you ever hurt me?"

"I can't control what I do when they take over my sleep." He closed his eyes. He couldn't tell her about the monster that lived inside him and was only contained by medications. She loved him he knew, but could she love him if she knew what a damaged piece of humanity he truly was? "Maybe, we shouldn't…." He couldn't say the words. He needed her so much. He couldn't lose the most beautiful and kindest woman he had ever had the good luck to meet. He finally turned and looked at her and saw pain and tears in her eyes. "You should be safe and loved. Ana, I am a monster. I can't control it."

"Are you leaving me?" Her voice was so quiet and small. A tear escaped down her cheek.

"No, but you will leave me someday." He said looking into the future. "I will hurt you and you will hate me."

Ana came to her feet. "Then, why in the hell are we going through all this? Why are we getting married if you are so damn sure that I am walking out?" She was angry. Was he playing games with her? What was going on? Her blue eyes were full of angry fire. She moved away from him as he stood and took a step towards her. "Don't. touch. me." She said through clinched teeth. "You tell me why you are so afraid?"

"I can't." His shoulders slumped in defeat. "You…"

"You can't or you won't?" She stared hard at him. "You know everything about me, about me and husband #3, about Christian and me." She balled her fists at her sides. "I am stripped bare, but once again you stand still dressed in your secrets. Gideon, I have been patient and understanding, but I am getting close to losing my temper."

He didn't want her to know. It was too dark and to painful for her to have in her head. Knowing how much that she loved him, he knew that she would be hurting for him. He didn't want her to be in any kind of pain especially because of his past. "I…can't tell you and believe me it kills me to say that. It's too terrible to face."

For a slight second she felt that she was on her knees before Christian as he told his secrets of abuse by the hands of his mother's pimp and why he had the need to beat little brown haired girls. He had that look of fear and despair in his blue eyes…just like Christian! She could only conclude that he also had been abused is some sort of way. "I can handle it, Gideon. I'm a lot stronger than I look."

"I know that you can, but I can't." He closed his eyes. "I can't handle telling you."

"Who else knows?" She said with a voice full of emotion.

"No one except my shrink who prescribes the medication." He looked down at his shoes. Here he was a man of wealth and statue yet he had to take medicine to keep the boogey man away. "My parents never believed me."

Ana closed her eyes. They both were damaged. She had mental scars that couldn't be seen but his scars were also mental. She knew his body like the back of her hand and she knew there were no scars on his perfect body. Her eyes popped opened! Sexual abuse! He was sexually abused by someone. It made sense. His domineering attitudes about always being in control sexually, his night fears, not sleeping the night with his lovers or the disengaging way he treated them. He didn't trust anyone. He liked to fuck hard, but he never wanted to cause harm. He needed the hard sex but before her he didn't want or couldn't accept the intimacy. "Who hurt you? Just tell me if it was a man or a woman?"

"I can't."

Those two words drove Ana to a higher level of anger. She found her phone and started to punch numbers. "Yes, this is Ana Steele. Cancel all wedding preparations, cancel it all." She clicked off her phone. Her blue eyes went up and down the man that she loved beyond belief. "Good bye, Gideon."

He watched her walk into the bedroom and the door slammed shut. His heart broke into a million pieces leaving him bereft and lost. He had lost her, not because of his dark secret, but because he wouldn't share it with her. He wanted to go to her, but his feet wouldn't move. He could hear her crying, those muffled cries tore at his soul! Gideon then heard her voice talking to someone. He knew she was on her phone once again. He heard airline ticket, New York, and the wedding is off. He stomped over to the door and pulled it open to find her packing her clothes.

"NO!" He yelled his face turning dark. "You are not leaving me." He took her phone and barked into it. "No ticket. Cancel all requests." He then pocketed her phone. "You can't leave me, Ana."

"Watch me." She said lowly. She continued to pull her clothes out of the closet and throw them into her suitcase. She wiped away her angry tears. "You made your choice, Gideon. I can't live like this just waiting for you to trust me as I have trusted you. Our marriage would be doomed if we continue this way." She closed her suitcase and zipped it. "I will send for the rest of my things later."

Gideon tore her suitcase from her hands and threw it across the room. In a matter of a split second he had her flat on her back in the middle of the bed pinning her down. "I said you are not leaving me. I will agree to postpone the wedding, but not you leaving me." He kissed her hard laying claim to her. His lips bruised hers as one hand held her arms above her head and his other hand began to travel over her body. He yanked down the boyshorts that she was wearing and his fingers dipped into her exposed warmth.

Ana felt the fear of her youth come shooting out of her soul. Husband #3's hands all over her as he called her a little cock tease. She would not be a victim. She had lived through that and Christian Grey and she would not be a victim by the hands of a man that was supposed to love her.

"Gideon Cross." She managed to say when she ripped her lips away. "Let me go."

Her voice penetrated his madness and he fell off her onto the bed. "Fuck." He said almost to himself. "Leave Ana. Run as fast as you can. Go back to New York, Seattle…where ever but get away from the monster before he destroys you."

"There is no monster, Gideon, there is only you and only you can destroy me if you choose to." She slowly lifted herself off the bed. "I can guess what happened. I see it in your eyes." She kept her back to him in hopes that not having eye contact would be easier for him. "You were abused as a child."

"Not physically abused."

Ana closed her eyes and took another breath. Should she continue? Was it fair to push him into confessing his pain? She was afraid that she would do him more harm. "When you are ready to talk let me know." She bit her lip to keep from crying. "I won't leave you, but I will get another room. Maybe, we need a break from this…we are moving too fast."

"Anastasia…Ana…please." He held out his hand to her willing her to turn and look at him. _See the broken man before you. See what the monster does! You don't want this. You don't need this. What woman would want this? Why do you love me? Why should you love me? You can have any man in the world and yet you want me. Why? Why? Why?_ "I don't deserve you."

She couldn't turn and look at him. Her heart would break to see those blue eyes lifeless. "You deserve to be free from whatever monster you believe that is in you."

"You just saw him. If you hadn't stopped him, he would have hurt you. He takes over. He hurts me, but he will hurt anyone around me."

"That's why you never slept the night with your fiancé or the others." She stated lowly. She remained still not moving a muscle. "What does this monster do to you?"

"He fucks me."

_Holy Fucking Shit! Fuck!_


	14. Chapter 14: The Darkest Before the Dawn

**WARNING! This chapter deals with sexual child abuse. There will be no flashbacks of the abuse, but it will be discussed between two people trying to save their love and relationship. **

Chapter 14: The Darkest Before the Dawn

_Holy Fucking Shit! Fuck!_ Ana stood ramrod stiff with her back to Gideon. She couldn't move even if she wanted to. He had been raped! She felt sick to her stomach. Not because of him, but because of the evil in the world where people preyed upon children for their sexual releases. She knew the fear and humiliation that Gideon must have gone through. She remembered the times that Husband #3 would touch her. It made her skin crawl. However, she had been the fortunate one; she managed to escape her monster, but not Gideon. He had no one to believe him. His family didn't believe him. They didn't protect him from the monster. She understood now why he hated the family home and couldn't spend five minutes with his Mother and Step-Father. She finally found the strength to turn and face the man that she adored and loved. His eyes were cold and lifeless. He had gone into a shell to protect himself. She knew that look well; she had mastered the shell to protect herself throughout her life from bullies and shitheads.

"It doesn't change things between us." She heard herself say. "I still love you, Gideon. I still want to be your wife and the mother of your children."

Nothing. Silence. He stared past her, his blue eyes void of any emotion. He was empty.

"He didn't rape me, but he came close a few times." She whispered. "He tried to, but I was so small that it hurt him. He would force me to lick his balls and suck his cock. The first man I ever saw come was my Step-father when he came on my face." She whimpered as the memory pained her. "I've never told anyone that. Not even Christian. Dad never knew, I couldn't tell my Father that. He nearly killed Husband #3 when he learned about the physical abuse. I couldn't tell. I was too scared. At times, I am still scared." She closed her eyes. Even after all these years, the pain was still unresolved and she wondered if it ever will be. "Someone asked me how I remained a virgin for so long. It was easy for me; I didn't want anyone touching me. I was so afraid of sex. The minute a guy showed any romantic interest in me, I shut down and I ran." She felt the tears threatening to fall. "Christian broke through all that. Fuck, he crashed through it. I know now that I had to experience Christian to get me ready for you. Gideon, you are the love of my life. I need to be with you. I need to care for you. I need you to need me." She swallowed a sob. "And, you need me, Gideon…more than you even know. I am the only woman who could ever truly understand you and who isn't afraid of you. I refuse to let you scare me away."

"You are the strongest woman I know." His voice was so soft that Ana barely heard him. "But, I can't take the risk of hurting you."

"How would you hurt me?"

He tried not to look at her, but those blue eyes of her put a spell on him. He couldn't resist staring into them. "I will rape you in my sleep."

"Holy Fuck!" She whispered. She sat on the foot of the bed trying to connect all the dots. The medication that made him sleep kept him from acting out his own abuse. He was afraid that he would act out on her. It was the reason why he never slept the whole night with anyone. "You …have you with someone?"

He opened his mouth but he had no words to explain. How he could tell her these things? How could he let her see the dark monster that lived within him? "Ana, I…don't know how…I…"

"Just say it, Gideon. Let it go." She prompted him.

"I almost raped this girl I picked up at a bar. I was drunk and I passed out. When I woke up, I was on top of her, choking her and trying to fuck her! She tried to scream but I was choking her so hard…she passed out. When she stopped struggling…I came to. I thought I killed her." He crumbled onto the bed and started to weep. "I could have killed her."

"But, you didn't." She stayed at the foot of the bed to give him space.  
"You don't understand, I wanted to kill her…I wanted to kill the monster."

Ana wanted so much to gather him into her arms and soothe his fears and angers. "I can relate, Gideon. I still want to hunt him down and put him in the ground."

Gideon sat back on his knees. To hear his beloved Goddess state that she wanted to kill someone bothered him. He could see the pain and anger still in her. He had been so caught up in his own nightmares that he didn't see that she was fighting demons of her own. Knowing that she understood, Gideon opened up like he had never done with anyone. "I was only a boy when it started. He would force himself on me when he came to visit our home for my therapy. He was supposed to help me, but he hurt me." His voice was weak. It hurt to even say the words. He could feel the burn in his belly. "My father committed suicide when it was learned that he had embezzled millions of dollars from his clients. My mother and I were ruined in the society that she loved so much, but she managed to find another rich husband. When she married Chris Vidal she retained her social standing. Her first course was to make sure that she could keep her new sugar daddy so she got pregnant with Christopher. I was the black sheep of the family. I was angry at everyone. I acted out. Mother and Chris took me to different therapists but nothing helped. I was in and out of different schools. I was violent. All I could do was lash out at everyone. Mother found a therapist who would come to the house…and he…he was the one." He looked away. He couldn't look into those beautiful blue eyes and speak about such ugliness. "He forced me…and he would always make me come, telling me that I wanted it." Gideon's eyes finally focused on Ana. She was as still as a statue but two little tears rolled down her cheek. "I told my mother but she didn't believe me. The therapist said it was my way to try to get rid of him. I was labeled a liar and the abuse continued until I got big enough to fight him off."

"No one else knew?" Her voice was so soft and full of emotion.

"Two other people knew…the therapist's assistant and my little brother Christopher." His mouth went into a firm line as the anger filled his soul. "They knew and they covered for the monster."

"Gideon, come to me." Ana whispered as she opened her arms to him and asked him to accept her love and support. "Let me hold you."

"I can't. I'm dirty. Ana, there's a monster in me that I can't control."

"Bullshit!" She said with hardness in her voice. "You have slept beside me for nearly every night for months and you have never hurt me." She came to her feet and walked around the bed and stood next to him. "Why would you hurt me now?"

"The monster will reappear. He always does." He closed his eyes. "I will hurt you…maybe not today or tomorrow, but sometime it will happen."

"Gideon, even if you did try to hurt me, do you think I would blame you?" She reached out and touched his silky black hair. "Caesar, I love you more than I love myself. You cannot get rid of me. I won't let you push me away."

Gideon turned his body to face her. His arms went around her waist and pulled her between his legs. With his height he was almost eye to eye to his little Goddess. "If I ever hurt you, it will kill me."

"Then, don't leave me, Gideon. I can take anything but that." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "We belong together. We understand each other. You will help me through my bullshit and I will help you through yours. Together we will heal." She leaned forward and kissed his lips so very softly. "I want to heal you."

"I want to heal you." He repeated knowing that he couldn't live without her. Even though he wanted to protect her even from himself, he couldn't let go. His life was Ana. She made him want to be a better person and to have happiness. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know." She said lowly. "I do know that I love you and I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you also." He held her close. "We have family coming in. What do we do now?"

"We have two choices, we call off this wedding for good or we get married tomorrow as planned."

"For good? You mean never?"

"Gideon, if we walk away now, we may never get another chance to get married the way we want without all the fanfare and paparazzi."

Gideon's emotions were on the edge. He was barely holding on. He couldn't lose her, but he was still afraid. "Do you still…"

"Yes." She said climbing into his lap and laying her head against his chest to hear his heart beat. "I want you, and only you. You might want to get on the phone and tell everyone the wedding is back on before they scrape everything."

Gideon trembled knowing that he was capable of hurting this woman but for some reason she still wanted to marry him. She must really love him and he wasn't sure he deserved it. "You want me to call and get everything back on schedule?"

"If you would?" She placed her hand on his chest. "I love you Gideon." She stayed on his lap as he found his phone and made the calls. The wedding was back on with just one phone call. She bit her lip nervously. Could they really heal each other? Could two people so fucked up help each other? She couldn't save Christian from his demons how could she save Gideon? Or did she already save him and that is why he finally told her about his nightmares?

"It's done." He said as he lay back in the bed with her still in his lap. "We are getting married tomorrow at noon as we have planned."

"Then, I guess I better get things going. I am sure Kate, Rachel and Ireland will be taking me out for a few drinks to celebrate my last night of "singledom"." She had to laugh. "Elliot and Jeb will probably drag you to some strip bar."

Gideon had to smile. He hadn't been to a strip bar in a very long time. "Hmmm…looking at some stranger's ta-ta's, not a big fan of that, but I guess I could do it for the guys!" He grunted when she gave him a slap on the belly. He lost his smile. "Are you sure, Ana? We can always wait."

"Why should we wait? We know that we love each other and we both have crap in our lives. Are we going to let the ghosts of our pasts destroy the life we can have? I don't know about you, but I am not going to let Husband #3 win. I will be happy, and that's the best revenge in the world."

Gideon picked her up and placed her on his chest. His big hands clasped her buttocks and squeezed lightly. "We will be happy, Ana. I promise you I will do everything I can to make you happy."

"Listen, my darling man, you do make me happy." She reached up and kissed him on his chin, his cheek, and then his nose, then his mouth. "Also, you fuck so well."

"Just well?" He grinned at her with his sexy and wicked smile.

"Fantastic, marvelous, great, and magical."

Within seconds Gideon turned her over on to her back. His hands were running over her body. He loved touching her. Every inch of her was pure beauty. "We could make love now, or wait until we are married."

"Do you want to wait?"

Gideon laughed. "Never." He said as his mouth captured hers and for awhile all their worries were put aside as their passions rose and covered their bodies. Their nightmares and pasts were forgotten for now and all they knew was each other and the hope for a new day.


	15. Chapter 15: The Dawn

Chapter 15: The Dawn

Kate, Rachel, Ireland and Ana celebrated Ana's last night of freedom by taking a tour of all the bars and casinos up and down the strip. By the time they arrived back at the Cross Hotel and Casino all four were more than drunk. Gideon, Elliot, and Jeb had to pick up their women and pour them into their beds.

While the women slept off their drunks the three men sat in the living room having a few more drinks.

"You know," Elliot said feeling no pain. "She…your intended used to be engaged to my brother."

"Yes, I know." Gideon said with a smile.

"She was good for him." Elliot shook his head. "He's an ash..ass…asshole! He cheated on her you know? I mean, damn, look at that woman…she's t…totalllllly hot! How could he?"

"I have to agree." Gideon looked to Jeb who was trying the best he could not to laugh at the oldest Grey brother.

"You won't hurt her, will you? She's a good girl. She wouldn't hurt anyone." He hiccupped a few times. "My family loves her…they've always loved her." His hiccups came harder. "I love her!"

Gideon knew that Elliot was very drunk. "I love her also."

"Lucky…you are so lucky. She is beautiful." Elliot was leaning as he sat on the sofa. "Chrissy…he wanted her…he had her…but he fuck…fucked it up." He fell completely over and passed out.

Gideon sighed with relief. "Thank God!" He started to laugh with Jeb. "I think Elliot Grey has a bad case of the hots for my bride."

"And, here I thought he was an idiot!" Jeb joked. "He has more sense than I gave him credit for."

"He's not an idiot. He's just a big kid." Gideon declared remembering what Ana had told him about Elliot Grey. She called him sweet, adorable, and playful. She was very fond of the older Grey brother. "We better get to bed and get some sleep. I am sure we will have a few hung-over people to deal with in the morning."

Jeb finished off his drink. "One thing, Gideon." He stood. "Rachel and I love Ana a great deal. She has been our friend from the very beginning. She was always more than just an employee." He cleared his voice. "What I am trying to say is that I don't want her hurt. You take care of her and keep her safe."

"Jeb, I will always keep her safe and I will move heaven and earth to make sure that she isn't hurt by anyone…including me."

"Ugh…morning." Kate said as she sat at the dining table and turned green as she smelled the food. "Did anyone get the plate number of the truck that hit me?"

Rachel who had her head in her arms on top of the table lifted her heavy head and opened one eye. "Was it a truck or a Sherman tank?"

"Good Morning, all." A bright and cheery voice declared. The two women groaned and looked to the freshly showered Ana. She was wrapped up in a hotel robe with her head wrapped in a towel. "Mmm…breakfast! I am starved." She sat down and began to place food on her plate. "Didn't we have fun last night?"

"Why aren't you hung-over?" Rachel asked with a moan as her voice pained her head.

"I really do hate you." Kate offered as she felt her stomach roll.

"I burned off the alcohol early this morning." She said with a shy smile.

"I hate you even more." Kate said. She pointed to the lump on the sofa. "Elliot is still passed out."

"We should paint his toe nails pink." Ana joked.

"I would, but I don't have the strength or the nail polish." Kate moaned.

"You better get the strength. You are my Maid of Honor." Ana dug into her food and drank her tea.

=====================================================================Elliot woke up to an empty room. The bright Vegas sun was not his friend and he cursed it. He stumbled into the room assigned to him and Kate to find it was also empty. He went into their bathroom and started the shower. He had to get cleaned up and find some coffee. He promised Ana that he would stand with Gideon as a groomsman. He knew when his little brother found out that he would have hell to pay, but it was Ana and he would do anything for her. He went to the mirror and looked at the damage. His eyes were bloodshot and he did look green around the gills. He undressed slowly because moving too fast made his head hurt. He was about to step into the hot shower when he saw bright pink toenails. "Son-of-a-bitch!" He yelled and then he began to laugh. "Those damn girls!"

Ana was all smiles when she looked into the mirror to inspect her image. Her makeup was perfect and natural. Her hair was worn down in gentle waves that framed her face. She felt beautiful. She stood up and slipped off her robe as Rachel and her mother, Carla brought over the dress. It was an ivory, slim-lined Vera Wang dress with spaghetti straps. It hugged her curves with the silk feeling cool against her skin. Ivory satin five-inch Louboutins heels were on her feet and she decided not to wear a veil. She stepped back to see her reflection.

"You are a beauty." Carla said with a tear in her eye. "I knew this day was coming, I just thought you would be marrying Christian."

"Mom, I explained all this last night to you and Dad." She said not wanting to rehash this discussion once again. "Gideon is a good man and he will never hurt me."

"I know, honey, and Gideon seems to be a very nice man…"

"He doesn't seem to be…he is." Ana said defending her man. "He won't cheat on me like Christian did."

Carla lowered her voice and moved closer to her daughter. "Do you still love Christian?"

"No, I don't. He killed my love when he stepped out." She understood why her Mom was questioning her so. Carla was afraid that she was moving on to fast and using Gideon as a rebound man. "Gideon is the man for me. He is strong yet gentle. He is honest with me. I never had that with Grey." She took her Mom's hand. "Listen, I know that you and Dad really liked Christian. I get that, but Mom I am the one who has to live with the man that I marry, not you and Dad. Listen, if you want to keep a relationship with him, go on. God knows the man needs all the friends he can get, but do not give him any information about me. If I want Christian Grey to know anything about my life, I will tell him myself. Agreed?"

"Agreed, however, I doubt if Mr. Grey will be calling me anytime soon." Carla said with a small smile. "It's not like we run in the same circles."

"So, we are good here? No more worries?" Ana asked hopefully.

"No more worries. I trust your decisions. You have always been a good girl with a lot of common sense." Carla felt tears well up in her eyes. Her little girl was getting married. It seemed just like yesterday that Carla had brought this little bundle of joy home from the hospital. "Just be happy, sweetheart."

Ana gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. "I love him, Mom and I will be happy with him."

A knock came at the door and Ray Steele dressed in what Ana knew was a new black suit stuck his head in. She smiled at the man that she called Daddy. He motioned to his wrist. "It's that time. We need to head down."

Rachel, Ireland and Kate were dressed in bright blue dresses similar to her own wedding dress. They were smiling at her when Carla pressed a bouquet of red roses with white baby's breath into her hands. "You are so beautiful, Ana." Kate said with tears in her eyes. "Cross is one lucky bastard to win your heart."

The ladies went down together so Ray could escort Ana by himself. He waited until they got into the elevator to speak. "You do look like an angel. But, then again, I always thought that you were. I love you so much Annie and I just want to make sure that this is what you want to do. I need to know that this Cross guy isn't forcing you into this."

"Daddy!" She said horrified by his words. "I thought you understood after I explained everything last night. I love Gideon and I hope someday you will come to love him as your son-in-law."

Ray looked away. "Christian says that Cross is a dangerous man and that he will hurt her."

"Dad, consider the source. Christian is the one who hurt me in more ways than you will ever know." She replied surprising herself that she staying calm. "Dad, Christian has problems that no normal woman would want to deal with. He wanted to suffocate me and…and…well there were issues that we couldn't agree on, and then when he stepped out on me…I had enough." She couldn't tell her Dad about his BDSM needs. "Dad, please promise me that you will give Gideon a chance. After all, he is going to be the father of your grandchildren."

"Annie, are you…you know?"

"Oh, no, no...NO." She laughed when she saw her Dad sigh in relief. "But, we will have children in a few years." The elevator doors opened and Ray offered his arm to his daughter. Everyone stopped and smiled at her as she was walked to the ballroom. Her heart was beating hard with excitement. She was about to become Mrs. Gideon Cross… Anastasia Rose Cross…Ana Cross. She bit her lip as they stood outside the ballroom doors waiting for them to open. She leaned over to her Daddy. "Thank you, Daddy for being here for me."

Ray patted her hand that was on his arm. "Where else would I be on the most important day of my daughter's life?"

The doors open slowly revealing the bride and groom to each other. Ana's breath stopped when she saw Gideon in a black Armani Tuxedo with a bright blue tie. His black hair was combed back but still remained wild looking. He smiled making his dimples dance when he saw her. _Oh, my God…He is perfection! I love him so much. Walk, Anastasia. One step at a time, don't run up the aisle…be cool. He will be waiting for you. He's not running. He loves you. Look how he is looking at you….that is a man in love. Gideon Cross loves me! I love Gideon Cross…Gideon and Ana sitting in a tree…k.i.s.s.i.n.g…..Oh good grief…singing a child's song during your wedding…silly girl! Listen to the music. Mmmm…so pretty…one of my favorite pieces Pachebel's Canon in D. It's perfect for this day, a day full of hope and joy for Gideon and me. This is our dawn. A new day for us both! _

Gideon stood straight and tall watching his bride walked through those double doors. He couldn't believe that she could be more beautiful than she was, but here she is! He could feel his smile grow across his face. _Damn, she is beautiful! Look at her, everything about her is beautiful, her blue eyes, that pert little nose, and those lips…ahhh yes those lips so soft and delicious to kiss….I can sit and look at her forever. I love this woman. This woman will be mine forever. She will be the mother of my children. She will stand beside me at Cross Industries. She will sleep beside me every night. How did I get so lucky to be given this miracle? Thanks, Grey for being a world-class fuck up! I will love her with all my heart and soul. Her every need will be met and her every wish will be granted. I will be worthy of her love. I can't live without her. Come to me Goddess. Come to me. I love you!_

Ray stood stopped before the Minister still holding onto his daughter. He could feel the energy that flowed between Ana and Gideon. Their eyes had met when the doors opened and they hadn't left each other since. It was like they were completely alone.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" The Minister asked.

"Her Mother and I." Ray declared. He gave Ana a kiss on her cheek and then gave her hand to Gideon with a nod of his head. His voice was low but Ana, the Minister, and Gideon could hear him. "Take care of my baby girl. She is precious."

Gideon nodded agreement and took Ana's small hand into his. He took a moment to look into her beautiful eyes and see the adoration in them for him. "You are beautiful, Miss Steele."

"I was thinking the same thing about you, Mr. Cross." She whispered.

The Minister moved the ceremony on by explaining the meaning of marriage and how it was a good thing for man and woman to be married for love and companionship and for the procreation of the human race. They said their vows and exchanged their rings of matching gold bands, and then they were pronounced husband and wife. Gideon was invited to kiss his bride.

Gideon's hand went to the side of her face and caressed her soft skin. His other hand slipped around her waist and brought her close. "I belong to you now, Ana." He bent down and captured her lips for a soft and lingering kiss. As their family and friends clapped and surrounded them, the happy couple kept kissing.

"Yo, Gideon, come up for air." Jeb, Gideon's bestman said laughing. "Save something for the honeymoon."

Ana had to laugh as Gideon just kissed her again. He finally released her so they could hug and kiss their family and friends. She finally came face to face with the older brother of her former fiancé. She hugged Elliot warmly. "Thank you for being here, Elliot and thank you for not telling anyone."

"Hey, little one, I was threatened by your best friend that if I said one thing that I would lose my balls and I happen to like them." He smiled down at her. "Another thing, I only had time to pack and get to the airport with Kate. My family doesn't even know that I have left the state." He looked over her head find Gideon smiling as he took congratulations from his little sister Ireland. "Listen, you always have a home with us if anything happens. I think you are happy with Gideon, but just in case…I just want you to have a plan B."

"Thanks, Elliot, but I think Plan A is pretty great." She turned to gaze upon the man that she now calls husband. How handsome he was! Everything about him screamed power, sex, orgasm, and love, especially when those blue eyes settled on her. He was now getting a kiss from Rachel. "I do adore that man."

Elliot felt happy for Ana because she was glowing in joy. He could tell she was head over heels in love with this Gideon Cross. However, his heart was broken for his little brother. The only woman that Christian ever loved was now the wife of another man. Elliot knew that this would kill Christian. He decided that he would call his parents and give them a fair warning before the news broke that superbillionaire, Gideon Cross had married the lovely Anastasia Steele. Maybe they could keep Christian from throwing himself off some bridge.

After Kate and Jeb signed the marriage license, the celebration started. Dinner was served in the same room that they were married to Carla and her husband Bob, Ray, Ireland, Kate and Elliot, Jeb and Rachel, the Minister and his wife, and of course the Bride and Groom. It was small and intimate but that was what Gideon and Ana wanted. After the dinner, a beautiful Wedding Cake was rolled in and Gideon had the hotel's photographer taking pictures. Ana was enjoying this so much. She could be relaxed in this atmosphere. She was among family and good friends.

Gideon watched his bride as she talked with her father. He was so proud to be called her husband that he thought he would burst. Ireland approached him with her lovely smile and two flutes of champagne. She handed him one. "She is beautiful, Gideon. I'm so glad that you found her."

"Actually, she found me, Ireland." He put his arms around his little sister and hugged her to his side. "She is precious."

"Mom and Dad are going to be disappointed…."  
"Ireland, don't ruin this day for me." He said sternly. "If I wanted them here, they would have been here."

"Ok, I get it." She shook her just not understanding why Gideon disliked his mother and step-father. She was so young when he left the family home that she had no idea how difficult his life had been. "You should still call them. When this hits the presses it will go viral."

"I will tell them when I am ready." He smiled her but his blue eyes gave her a silent warning.

"I hope you will let Ana and I become friends." She said with hope.

"I have no problem with my two favorite girls being friends, but she is not going to the Vidal Manor, and I don't want you introducing her to your brother."

"Christopher is your brother also."

"No, he is my curse." He turned to Ireland. "Do not disobey this, Ireland. Even you can see the issues that Christopher and I have and I won't have my wife hurt by him."

"I understand, Gideon." She knew her two brothers were not friends. Gideon thought Christopher a spoiled evil brat and Christopher felt that Gideon got too much attention from their parents and everyone. He hated that Gideon was so rich, so famous, and so damn handsome. Women would use Christopher to try to get an introduction to his older, wealthier brother. This did not sit well with Christopher who considered himself New York City's playboy. He knew he would always be second to Gideon and he would never be able to match up to the man. Ireland hated that her brothers seem to hate each other, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Gideon stood behind his wife and looked up and down her body that was sheathed in ivory silk that molded to every curve of her body. He felt his body tighten and get warm. He was getting hard just looking at her backside. This woman was his drug and he was addicted to her. "Ana." He said deeply. She turned to him and her beautiful blue eyes looked lovingly at him. "It's time for our first dance as man and wife." He took her into his arms and led her to the middle of the dance floor. From speakers that were hidden around the room the music of Etta James filled the room. The danced perfectly together to _At Last_. Gideon was so tall that Ana had to reach to wrap her arms about his neck. He held her close and kissed her nose, her forehead, and then finally captured her lips. By the end of the song, Ana was flushed with desire for her husband. "I love you, Mrs. Cross."

"I love you, Mr. Cross." She replied. They held each other and swayed when there was no music. They were lost in each other. Finally, someone cleared their voice and the newlyweds were brought out of their bubble.

Ray buttoned his jacket as he stepped out onto the dance floor to claim his daughter for their Father-Daughter Dance. Gideon kissed her hand and gave her over to her Father. The music of Daddy's Hands brought tears to Ana's eyes as she danced with her Dad. Carla watched with tears in her eyes as she watched them. The one good thing she ever did was marry Ray Steele. He was a good man and an excellent father. She had to admit that he had been more than a good husband. She was the problem in their marriage. She was the one that got bored wanting more excitement in life. She left Ray for a man that she thought would show her the world and all she got was an abusive, cheating third husband. Carla wiped a tear from her eye as Ray danced by with Ana in his arms. He loved that girl so much. Ray was her father in all ways, legally and emotionally.

"She adores him." Carla heard a deep low voice say to her. She looked up to see her son-in-law. She was taken back with his intense electric blue eyes and his heavenly good looks. If angels had to have a certain look about them, she was sure Gideon would fit the criteria. She could see the Archangel Michael looking like this beautiful man who stood beside her. "She talks about him all the time."

"They were always close." Carla added. "He's the only father she has ever known."

"He's a good man." Gideon took a flute of champagne from the table and offered it to Carla. "I just want to ease your mind that I adore your daughter. I have loved her from the first moment I saw her."

Carla nodded. "Just take good care of my baby. That's all I ask." She smiled at him. "Welcome to the family." He placed his arm about her waist as the photographer requested a photograph of the bride's mother and the groom for the wedding portfolio and they smiled happily.

After more pictures were taken and the Best Man and the Maid of Honor gave their toasts, Ana threw her bouquet straight to Kate which made Elliot start to laugh. He took the bouquet away from her. "We are already engaged." He bellowed and he threw the bouquet on to Ireland Vidal.

The young woman squealed.

"Just because you finally caught it, doesn't mean you can run out and get married." Gideon said in his big brother voice. "You are too young to even date." Ireland just glared at her oldest brother and stomped her little foot. The room began to laugh at the big brother teasing. He turned to his wife and gently kissed her. "Are we ready?"

"We are ready!" She whispered excited by the knowledge that they would be leaving Las Vegas for their honeymoon. Everything had been packed and already sent to his jet that was waiting for them. The car was out front so all they had to do was say goodbye to everyone. "Are you going to tell me where we are going?"

He kissed the top of her head. "It's a little surprise. Trust me, wife."

Everyone followed them out the door to say their final goodbyes to the newlyweds. Ana kissed her parents last before she climbed into the limousine with Gideon following. They turned and waved out the back window as they were driven away to their honeymoon.


	16. Chapter 16: Midnight

Chapter 16: Midnight

Christian sat in his study staring at the papers before him and the almost empty bottle of bourbon. He knew he was drinking too much, but he needed it to sleep. If he drank enough she wouldn't run through his dreams, teasing him and smiling at him. Ana! Her photograph was still on his desk and he looked lovingly at it. "I love you." He whispered to the picture. She was smiling at him with laughing blue eyes. They had been at Bellevue for one of Grace's Sunday brunches and Grace had snapped this photo of Ana standing on the patio. "God, Baby, I miss you so much. Nothing is the same without you. Wine tastes like shit, my food tastes like sawdust. The day isn't worth living without you." He hung his head. "I'm drunk again…I think I'm drunk. Yeah, I must be drunk because I don't know if I'm drunk. See what you have done to me. See what I've done to me." He passed out on his desk.

Taylor stood at the door of Christian's study with Mr. and Mrs. Grey behind him. Their beloved son had drunk himself into oblivion once again.

"How long has this been going on?"Grace asked horrified. She went to her son and began to check his vitals. "Why didn't you call me sooner, Taylor?"

"He has been drunk for the last few weeks ever since he came back from New York."

Carrick rubbed his brow. "He went to see Ana didn't he?"

"He is obsessed with her." Taylor declared.

Grace listened to his heart and his breathing. "Everything looks good. He's passed out." She sighed heavily. "Carrick, he needs help."

"Taylor, is his business sliding?"

Taylor shook his head. "Ros is taking care of everything now. He goes into the office but he doesn't do anything. He walks around lost."

"Does he know?" Carrick asked lowly. Taylor frowned not knowing what the elder Mr. Grey was saying. Carrick motioned for Taylor to step out of the room with him. He didn't want Christian hearing what he was about to say. "Ana and Gideon Cross were married today in Vegas."

"Oh, my God…this will kill him!"

Christian woke up in his bed. The first thing he did was reach out to find Ana but her side of the bed was empty. He sat up. His head was spinning.

"I'm sure you have a hang-over." A feminine voice declared. Christian knew that heavenly voice, his mother, Grace. She walked over to the bed and handed him two Advil and some orange juice. "Do you think you could stomach some breakfast?"

"Not yet." He said taking the pills and throwing them back. He would be lucky to keep the Advil down. He took a drink of the orange juice then settle back into his bed. He had no reason to get up. GEH was in good hands with Ros. He wasn't needed at the office.

Grace made herself comfortable sitting on the side of the bed next to him. "You have been unhappy since she left." She stated. "Christian, you need to snap out of this. She's not coming back."

"She'll be back. She thinks she knows Cross, but she doesn't know the real him. When she learns the real Gideon Cross she will come back to me."

"Sweetheart, I hate to be the one that tells you this, but Ana married Gideon yesterday in Vegas."

Christian was silent. He stared at his mother. He felt his blood run cold. His mouth opened to yell something, but he couldn't speak. He closed his eyes, fisted his hands, and cried like a baby. Grace tried to comfort him but he pushed her away. She knew the look in his eyes, it was the same desperation and despair that she had seen when he was four years old and he was brought into the Emergency Room. She reached over to the telephone and hit the intercom system. "Send Carrick to Christian's room please, and get Flynn over her ASAP." She turned back to her beloved son. "Don't worry Christian…Mom will take care of you."

His days were black as tar. Nothing mattered anymore. He didn't even know what day it was or how long he had been at Bellevue. The last thing he remembered was sitting in his bed and his mother telling him that his Ana had married another man. That day his life was over and his heart died in his chest. Christian looked around the room which was bare except for the bed. There were no dressers, no side tables, no lamps, not even curtains at the windows. The walls were lacking any artwork. This room had been stripped. He looked down to his hands and saw that they were bandaged and he was restrained to the hospital bed that he had been sleeping in.

"What the hell?" He asked aloud.

The sound of keys and the door opening caught his attention. His mother was entering with a cart with a tray on it. She looked tired and worried, but when she saw him awake she gave him a small smile.

"Mom, where am I?"

"You are at home with your father and me. You needed care and I didn't want you committed. John and I decided that this would be the best course for you."

"Did I hurt myself?"

"Yes, you did." She didn't move to remove the restraints. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel weak and disoriented."

"That's the medicines we have been giving you." She positioned her cart close to the bed. "You have been out for a few days. I was getting worried so I am glad you are back so you can eat."

"Is it true, Mom? Did she really do that?"

Grace sighed. "I'm afraid so, honey. Ana is married."

Christian closed his eyes and turned his face from her. A single tear slid down his face. "It's all my fault. I drove her away. I hurt her so much."

"Honey, maybe it just wasn't meant to be." Grace was trying to get him to see that life could and would go on without Ana. Yes, she was heartbroken that Christian had lost the love of his life, but he was still young and there could be other chances for love. "Ana is a lovely girl and I adore her, but if you two couldn't make each other happy it was for the best for you two to separate."

"She made me happy." He whined like a little boy.

Grace only knew that Christian had betrayed Ana. She believed that he had cheated on her with another woman, and she prayed it wasn't Elena Lincoln. "What did you do, Christian? Maybe if you talk about then you can put it behind you and go forward."

"Mom, I can't tell you." He closed his eyes. "It was beyond horrible."

"Oh, Christian…it wasn't Elena was it? Please tell me that you didn't go fuck that bitch!"

"No, Mom…it wasn't her…it was someone else." He whispered. He couldn't tell his mother about whipping brown-haired girls. She would never understand and she would hate him. Especially if she knew that he had physically hurt Ana because of his need for BDSM. "John?"

Grace nodded knowing that he would not confide in her. He needed to talk to John Flynn. "I will get him here as soon as I can."

John Flynn sat next to Christian as he ate his first meal in days. Ever since Christian had his meltdown, John had come to see him every day. He was so very happy to receive the call from Grace that Christian was awake and coherent.

"No questions for me, John?" Christian finally said.

"No, I figure that you will talk when you are ready." He said sitting in a relaxed manner.

"You know what I did to make Ana leave me. I thought she would eventually forgive me and come back home. Now, she married that asshole, Cross. If she thinks I'm fucked up wait until she gets a taste of that motherfucker!"

"There's no reason to lose control, Christian."

"She left me, John. She fuckin left me!"

John remained in his seat and calm. "If you keep screaming, I will be forced to medicate you."

"What happened to my hands? Why are they wrapped?"

"You put your hand through a window, and then punched walls." John answered in a matter of fact way.

Christian looked down at the bandages. He had no memory of his actions. "Will I ever get over her?"

"Yes, if you let yourself."

"How does one get over having perfection?"

"Christian, I hate to be the one to tell you, but no one is perfect, not even the lovely Anastasia Steele Cross."

Christian sneered hearing her married name. It should be Anastasia Steele Grey. He should have pressed her for a wedding date, hell; he should have married her the day he proposed. If they were married she would have never met Cross in New York. All he could think of was the could haves and should haves. Tears came to his eyes. He fucked it all up with his selfishness, his issues of control, and his possessiveness! He had only himself to blame for his lot in life. He lost the only woman that he had ever loved and she was gone forever. "I want my Mother." He said like a little boy. "I want Grace."

Christian was released from the sterile room a few days later, but he stayed at Bellevue under Grace's constant supervision. She made sure that he was well fed. John arrived every day at three o'clock for an hour long session. Within a month, Christian began to look like Christian Grey, CEO instead of the broken little boy of years past. He moved back to Escala to find that all traces of Ana had disappeared from photographs of her to the left-behind items that she missed when she quickly moved out. He walked around the apartment. He could still feel her. He could still hear her laughter. No matter what Gail and Taylor did to rid Escala of Ana, she was still haunting him. He stood in the middle of the Great Room and made the hardest decision of his life. He would move on. He would live without her, but he would his life on his terms for now on. No one will ever have the opportunity to get close to him ever again. Life would go on with his business and his personal life would be just like it was before Ana. He would contract women for his needs and when they fulfilled that contract then he would move on to the next. He would keep control of all aspects of his life. Never again would any woman ever hurt him again. NEVER!


	17. Chapter 17: Settling into Married Life

Chapter 17: Settling into Married Life

Ana and Gideon honeymooned in Great Britain. Knowing that his wife loved British Literature he took her to England to tour the towns that her favorite authors had lived or wrote about. They spent a month enjoying their time together. They made love, they took walks, they visited historical buildings and places, they saw the changing of the guard, they went to pubs, and they fell in love with England together!

They arrived back in New York City at the end of July. Gideon carried her across the threshold of their apartment and right to the bedroom where he laid her on their bed. He gazed down at her in adoration. "Welcome home, Ana." He covered her body with his own and kissed her softly. His hands roamed over her body and began taking off her clothes. "I need you so much."

Ana moans filled the room as his hands brought her body to life. "I want you, Gideon." She whispered against his lips. "Love me, just love me." She undid the buttons on his soft white cotton shirt. She pushed the shirt off his shoulders and let her hands trace over his pecs and abs. He was hard and muscular. Her fingers fumbled with his belt and then worked on the button and zipper of his trousers until she walk his pants and boxers down over his hips. Her warm hands grasped his already throbbing hard cock. "Mmmmm, there's my big boy."

"Vixen." Gideon laughed. His smiled radiated the joy he never believed that he could ever have or feel in his life. Ana made this happened. She came roaring into his life and changed everything. She made him want to laugh and to play. She showed him that there was more to life than work and obtaining money. With Ana he wanted the dream. He wanted home and hearth, he wanted love and devotion, and with her he wanted a family. His hands went into her silky tresses and he caressed her head as he kissed her. "I think we should revisit and discuss having children sooner than we decided."

Ana was shocked speechless. A baby? They talked about having children but she assumed they would wait awhile. "Gideon, I thought you wanted to wait awhile."

"Whenever it happens, it will happen. I'm not saying that we get pregnant this evening." He gave her a gentle smile then kissed her once again. "Goddess, when you are ready, then we can start trying." He felt her relax. "I'm just saying that if we have a surprise I won't go crazy."

"I do what to have children with you, but can we get settled into our new life as husband and wife. I want to experience us before we add children into the mix. Can you give me a few months?"

"Goddess, like I said, whenever you are ready?" He had her skirt undone and was pulling it over her hips and down her shapely legs. She wore a pretty sapphire lace garter belt with matching thong and bra. His hand traveled up and down her silk clad legs. "Mmmm, Ana, silk stockings…I do like." He captured her lips with his and kissed her with passion. "Let's keep these on while we make love." Ana giggled as she agreed. He was inside her quickly and stayed still enjoying the feeling of being cocooned in her warmth. He was breathing hard as his heart raced wildly.

"Please, Gideon…I need you." Ana begged. "I love you."

Gideon brought her legs over his shoulders and he began to move slowly at first then slammed hard and deep inside her. He wanted her slow and gentle and he wanted her fast and hard. He would worship her with his own body. Their mating was special and deep with feelings. He couldn't explain all the feelings that were running through his body, but he only knew that it felt great. No other woman made him feel like this. Only Ana could touch him on so many levels. "Come for me, Ana. You are so tight and wet…I …need you to come with me." His voice was raspy and deep. "Now, Ana…now." She threw back her head and yelled as her body fell apart under him. Her body wrapped around him and clinched down and Gideon could feel his release come hard and almost violent. He let loose of her legs and they automatically went around his hips. His eyes were closed as he pumped out the rest of his orgasm. "My Ana. My wife. My love." He whispered to her. "You make me so happy and content."

Her arms were locked around his neck. She had tears of love and joy in those beautiful eyes. "Oh, Gideon, you are my life. I will love you forever."

Summer faded into autumn as the Crosses went to work and came home to enjoy their life as a married couple. They enjoyed going out for dinners by themselves and with friends. They partook of the cultural nightlife of New York City by going to Great White Way and seeing shows and going to different nightclubs to dance. They were seen almost daily in the society and gossip pages. There were bets in some of the gossip rags on how long until Ana was pregnant. Ana had learned to deal with paparazzi when engaged to Christian so she easily ignored the photographers that followed her constantly trying to get the money shot of a baby bump.

Ana picked up her phone off her desk and noticed that it was Kate calling. She answered with a big smile on her face.

"Steele, you damn bitch." Kate said laughing. "I read in the Star Caller that you are preggers and you're having an alien baby. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, shit Kavanagh, I didn't want you to know that Elliot was an alien and the father." Ana teased back. The girls busted into laughter. "So, Sis, how you doing?"

"Exhausted. The wedding is only a month away."

"I love your wedding invitations. I see Mia's hand in them." Ana said sitting back in her office chair.

"She has been a godsend. I wouldn't know what to do without her." Kate declared. "But, I still wish that you were my Matron of Honor. Mia said she would step down if you want to change your mind. I can always add another groomsman to even out the wedding party."

"Kate, I don't think that would be a good idea. With Christian being Elliot's best man I think it would be best if I was just a guest. But, I promise to get you a very nice wedding gift and something extra special for your honeymoon."

"Ana, please just think about it. Don't let Christian keep you from us. We are sisters and I love you. He will just have to learn that you will be in my life forever, besides Elliot and I hardly ever see the man."

"I tell you what, I will discuss with Gideon and get back with you."

"Thank you, Ana. I love Mia, but you are my best friend and the sister I never had." Kate was trying hard not to cry. She missed Ana so much. "So, tell me how is married life to Mr. Stud."

Ana had to laugh at Kate's nickname for Gideon. She bit her lip thinking that it fit Gideon so well. He was a well-hung stud and she was damn glad! "Mr. Stud is a wonderful husband. He is supportive of my career and he doesn't keep me locked up in an ivory tower."

"Oh, yeah, I want to thank you for the wedding pictures that you sent. I love them so much."

"I'm glad that you and Elliot were there with us." Ana smiled. "Did Elliot figure out that I painted his toe nails pink?"

"No, I got blamed for it. He said that little Ana would never do something like that!"

Ana laughed out loud. "He doesn't know me very well does he?"

"Hell no! You have him hoodwinked." Kate laughed. "Oh, well, it's still funny. His feet are so ticklish that he wouldn't let me use polish remover on him. I just don't know how you did get them painted."

"He was passed out, Kate. I could have done full makeup on him and he wouldn't have waked up." Ana noticed that she three emails come into her mailbox and one was from her husband. She clicked on it and read it as Kate talked about wedding flowers, her frustration with the caterers, and Elliot wanting to leave the reception in a hot air balloon which Kate refused to do. Ana rolled her eyes at Elliot's idea. "Just for orneriness I should order you a pink limo to take you from the reception… you know to go with his pink toe nails."

Kate began to laugh. "Hot pink!"

"Where are you going for the honeymoon?"

"We are going to Hawaii." Kate answered happily. "Two weeks in Hawaii with Elliot Grey, a dream comes true!" Kate took a breath. "From the pictures you emailed me it looks like you had a great time in England. You and Gideon look so happy."

"We are happy, Kate." Ana had to smile. She was crazy in love with her husband. "He makes me feel so loved and secured without suffocating me to death. I can actually go out with friends without having to ask for permission."

"I'm so happy for you, Sis. You deserve such joy. Soooo, when are the babies coming?"

"We are discussing. Probably in the next few months I will go off my birth control and we will start trying and Kate, that's off the record."

"Of course." Kate said rolling her eyes. "Well, sis, I better get off here. I'm late for work…again."

"Girl, you need to get a better alarm clock!"

"I didn't sleep in Silly, I fucked in."

Ana chuckled understanding completely. "That makes two of us, Kate. Give Elliot my love and try to stay out of trouble."

"Laters, Sissy."

"Laters, Kate."

Ana's attention went to the email from her beloved husband.

**To: Anastasia Cross**

**Subject: Lunch?**

**From: Gideon Cross**

**Date: September 12, 2013, 10:15am**

**Message:**

**Darling Wife,**

**Would you interested in having lunch with me today? I find that I cannot concentrate today and I need to see your beautiful face. **

**Let me know.**

**Gideon**

**Gideon Cross, CEO, Cross Industries, Inc.**

**To: Gideon Cross**

**Subject: Re: Lunch?**

**From: Anastasia Cross**

**Date: September 12, 10:30 am**

**Message: **

**Beloved Husband,**

**I would love to have lunch with you today. I have a writer's meeting at 11:00 am but can get away at noon. Do you want to make the reservations? **

**You think you have trouble concentrating, try doing it with wet under-panties. Every time I think about this morning's romp, I cream my panties. I think I should keep a supply of them in my office.**

**I love you!**

**Ana**

**Anastasia Cross, V.P. Cross Publishing, Inc.**

Ana grabbed her phone and left her office for her meeting with one of her writers in the conference room. She heard the beep of her email program and read it quickly to learn that Gideon would make their lunch reservations and he would be at CP at 11:45am to pick her up.

She replied with a text message that she would be ready for him and that she was going into the meeting with the President of CP, then with the writer.

She went to her short meeting with Dalton Kemper who could be described as the classical man's man. He was tall, handsome, with dark honey-colored hair and emerald green eyes and with a rugged male beauty that had women stopping and staring at him. Ana never feared taking a meeting with Kemper alone because he was a devoted married man and the father of four children. She looked at him as a favorite Uncle. He approved of her newly written contract that she wanted to offer this new author. It wasn't the usual deal that they offered writers. This author had one chance with CP and his contract was for just this book. Even though, Ana found his manuscript interesting and worthy to be printed, she didn't want to take a long term risk with him.

Her meeting with the author went well and he signed the contract for one book with an option for CP to resign him depending on how well his book did sell and if he proved to be a dedicated author. By 11:40 am Ana was walking out the front door to meet her husband. She smiled at Gideon who was leaning against his Bentley wearing his dark navy suit and his muscular arms crossed over his chest. She caught her breath as she always did when gazing upon this perfect specimen of male beauty.

"You are quite a sight, Gideon." She said standing on her tippy toes to kiss him.

"And, you are beauty in motion." He said as his hands went straight to her behind and squeezed her buttocks. "I could easily take you in the car right now. I hunger for you, Ana." His mouth crushed down on hers taking her mouth possessively. He wanted everyone to know that this woman was his and he wanted to reassure himself that she did belong to him.

"Gideon, you keep this up, we might not make it to the car." She joked with a devilishly sparkle in her eyes.

He pushed off the car and opened the door. With his hand still on her bottom he guided her into their car. He slid in beside her and they embraced in a wild fury of passion not caring if their photograph was being taken.

Christian was walking through his offices like a man on a mission. He was back. He took back control of his life and his business. After his break-down he decided that his life would go back to pre-Ana normal and would be all about control. Every part of his life was in his complete control. He never spoke to his employees unless he needed to but he did nod once in awhile at one who had done a good job. He walked passed a cubicle which had a gossip site up on someone's computer. He just caught it by the corner of his eye, but it stopped him in his tracks. He stepped into the empty cubicle to read the story and look at the photographs. There were five different photographs of Ana and Gideon standing next to what looked like a Bentley. One picture was of Ana standing on her tippy toes to kiss her husband, there were three pictures of Gideon's hand on Ana's ass from different angles, and the last photograph was of them kissing passionately in the back of the Bentley. He sighed heavily then read the accompanying story.

_Mr. and Mrs. Cross were caught outside of Cross Publishing, Inc. today in a display of a very public moment of passion. It looks like this power couple has a powerful love affair going on. Sources report that New York's lovebirds are about to feather their nest with hatchlings. Time will only tell and everyone is waiting for that tell-tale baby bump! Looking at these examples of PDAs it won't be long until we see little Crosses running around the city! _

Swallowing his anger Christian stalked out of the cubicle. He went straight to his office and slammed the door behind him. He started to go to the bourbon bottle but stopped himself. Drinking would not help him to forget her. She moved on and he knew that he had to. He had to get over her somehow and someway because her best friend was marrying his brother and he was sure that their paths would cross. He went to the window and stared out over Seattle. His kingdom spread out before him. He was the King of his world. His word was law. He was _The Christian Grey_. He still missed Ana. "Fuck." He whispered against the glass.

With a sly smile on her face Ana sat across from her husband. Her stocking clad foot was in his lap and rubbed against the bulge in his pants. She was biting her lip and teasing Gideon without mercy.

"You have to stop before I pull you out of that chair and drag you to the bathroom and have my way with you." She only giggled at his deep voiced threat. "Ana, you are making my pants too tight."

"You make my panties wet." She said in defense of her actions. To give him relief she stopping wiggling her toes and rubbing up and down his crotch, but she kept her foot in between his legs.

Her powder blue eyes stared into his electric blue eyes. Her body yearned for his. He kept her in a constant state of arousal. She had to get her mind off his sexy lips and them on her skin. "Kate called me this morning."

"How's the wedding planning?"

"I think she is wishing that she and Elliot had gotten married in Vegas." She said with a sad smile. "She is stressed out."

"I'm glad we did a simple and sweet wedding with just a handful of family and friends."

Ana nodded agreement. When the news of their marriage broke they were in the air on the way to England with no one knowing exactly where they were going. By the time they returned home the news of their marriage had become old news. "She asked me to reconsider being her Matron of Honor."

"What did you tell her?" Gideon asked shrugging his shoulders.

"I told her I would discuss the matter with you."

"Goddess, it's your decision." He declared.

"It's our decision, Gideon. Stop and think who is going to be Elliot's best man. I don't want any drama caused by me being in the wedding to ruin Kate's day."

"I see your point, but you and Christian have been over for almost a year. Surely, he has come to terms with this by now."

Ana looked away and shook her head. "He had a nervous breakdown. I guess he started to drink heavily and his parents had to take control of the situation." She said quietly. She blamed herself for his pain. "I think it would best for everyone if I only attend as a guest."

"I still think you should be her Matron of Honor. She came to Vegas at a moment's notice to stand up for us. Listen, I will be there and I don't think Grey would do anything to upset the wedding of his older brother." Gideon was amazed that he wasn't threatened by Christian being in such close proximity to his wife. He was secure in their love, their devotion, and their marriage. He knew Ana was a loyal wife and she would never hurt him. "But, it is still your decision. I don't want you regretting not being in your best friend's wedding later on down the line."

Ana reached out and took his hand. "How did I get such a sweet and understanding husband?"

"I guess you are one lucky lady."

With a bright smile Ana nodded agreement. "That I am! I will call Kate and tell her that I accept"

Gideon picked up his ice water and saluted Kate. "To Kate and her Matron of Honor. Cheers!"


	18. Chapter 18: We Have History

Chapter 18: We Have History

Kate was excited when told that Ana would be her Matron of Honor. Kate chose another dress similar to what Mia chose for the bridesmaid's dresses but in a darker shade of gold than the other two bridesmaids and Ana sent her measurements to Kate's Mother who designed all the dresses. Ana and Gideon would arrive a few days before the wedding for Ana's final fitting. Since another person was added to the bridal party, Elliot had to find another groomsman. He considered asking Gideon since they got along so well in Las Vegas but it was decided that would be to be uncomfortable for all involved. Elliot turned to a college friend, William Karnes.

The Grey-Kavanagh Wedding was set for October 12 in the Ball Rooms at the Mile High Club. Mia and Kate were in the final preparations and Kate was wishing that she had followed Ana's example and eloped.

Christian sat at his desk at GEH staring at the computer screen. He should be looking at financial spreadsheets but he couldn't concentrate. She was in town! Ana was in Seattle with her new husband. He was told that they were staying at the Fairmont. He felt his heart begin to pound. He would have to see her tonight at the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner tonight. Then, there was the wedding. He would be escorting her down the aisle. He wanted to call Elliot and tell him to make Ethan his best man and he would walk with another woman, but this was his brother. Elliot wanted him to stand beside him as he entered into marriage with the ball-buster as Christian called Kate. He could do this. She was just a woman, a little slip of a woman. Ana couldn't hurt him. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that! She can tear your black heart out of your chest with just one look! She owns you, Grey, and she will own you for the rest of your miserable life!_

Christian bit the inside of his cheek and saved his documents. He would work on this later. "Fuck it!" He said out loud and bolted out of his office for the Fairmont.

Christian sat in the SUV across the street from the Fairmont. He kept looking at Taylor thru the rearview mirror. "I know…I know. I'm a fucking idiot." Taylor only shrugged and looked ahead. Christian dialed the hotel's maindesk. " Mrs. Anatasia Cross's room please." He said with a bitter taste in his mouth. "Tell her it's Christian Grey."

"Yes, Mr. Grey. I will put you right through." The female voice said with a quiver.

The phone rang four times until a breathless female voice answered. "Hello."

Christian couldn't say a word. He froze. The voice said Hello a few more times. _Say something you idiot before she hangs up! _ "Ana?" He barely said in a voice so low he doubted if the person could hear him.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"It's Christian Grey."

Silence.

"Oh, hello, Christian, how are you?" She said getting her balance back. She never dreamed that her ex-fiancé would call her. She was just hoping that he would treat her with cold reserve when they walked down the aisle together for the wedding.

"I'm fine, and yourself?"

"Doing well, thank you."

"Uh, Ana, I thought maybe we should have a talk before the rehearsal and the dinner tonight. I don't want anything to happen that might upset the bride and groom."

"I think that it is a very good idea." She was motioning to her personal assistant who traveled with her for this weekend to bring her those papers she was working. "Hold on, Christian." She took them from Polly, her little red-headed travel assistant. She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder as she signed the papers. "Polly, get this faxed to the New York office, ASAP and make sure you get confirmation that they received them." She turned her attention to Christian. "I'm sorry about that, Christian. Where would you like to meet?"

"I am actually across the street, so how about the bar downstairs in ten minutes."

"I will see you in ten." She hung up and returned her attention to another contract that she wasn't too keen on.

Ten minutes later, Christian watched with eager eyes as Ana strolled into the bar. She was wearing a beautiful sage colored shift dress with a darker sage lace shrug over her shoulders. Her hair was left down and streaming over her shoulders. His eyes streamed up and down her long legs encased in silk stockings and her black five-inch Jimmy Choos. The woman was still as beautiful as he remembered, but there was something different about her. She walked with confidence with her head up. She nodded at a few people that she knew from when she lived and worked in Seattle. When she saw him, she gave him a sweet smile. Christian stood when she arrived at the table he chose for them. She reached up and gave him a kiss on his cheek. The touch of her lips made his breath hitch and his groin tighten.

"Hello, Christian." She said with a true smile that made those blue eyes sparkle like sapphires.

"Hello, Ana." He replied as he sat after she took a chair. "You look so beautiful, but you have always been so beautiful. When you were mine, I was the luckiest man…." He stopped when she held up her left hand. He caught the sight of her wedding rings.

"Christian, don't." She shook her head. "Let's cherish the time we had together and be happy for each other."

"Are you happy with Cross? I'm shocked he let you come down here all alone. If you were my wo…."

Once again Ana stopped him, but this time with the darkening of her eyes. "Gideon doesn't own me, Christian. I am his wife, not his concubine. He treats me with respect and he trusts me completely. I come and go as I like without running to him for permission to do so." She relaxed and sat back after making her point. "And, yes to answer your question, I am very happy with Gideon."

"Do you love him? Do you love him like you loved me? Does he make your heart beat wildly? Do you think of him constantly?"

"Yes." She answered to all his questions.

Christian was shocked into silence by her bold and confident answer. His grey eyes showed the hurt that he felt before the veil fell over them. "You left me."

"Yes, I know I did." She was about to say more but a waitress came over. She smiled at the girl and ordered a white wine. Christian ordered the same thing. After the waitress left Ana continued. "We were not happy, Christian. You were suffocating me and I felt trapped, and you must have felt the same way…you did go to that club."

"I never stopped loving or wanting you, Ana. I still love you and want you." He reached over and took her right hand into his. She felt so warm and right. How could he lose her? "I fucked up, Ana. I know that. But, you just left…you didn't give me a chance."

"I gave you chance after chance to come terms to with your issues." She kept her hand in his to give him some comfort. She didn't hate Christian. He had been first love and lover. He would always have a special place in her heart. She always tried to remember the good times they had before their lives together fell apart. "I could take a lot of crap off you, Christian, but not cheating and you going to clubs and renting subs constitutes cheating in my book. But, we have spoken about this already. This is all water under the bridge between us. We have to agree to be civil to each other for the rehearsal activities this evening and the wedding tomorrow. I have no reason to be hateful to you and I hope you feel the same way."

"I don't hate you. Ana, I still love you." He wanted so much to reach over and kiss those full lips. He wanted to touch her body and make love to her over and over again, but he couldn't. He didn't have the right anymore because she was now married to another man. She was Ana Cross. She was no longer his Ana. "Do you have any feelings left for me?"

"Oh, Christian, of course I do. You were my first. You will never be forgotten."

"So, I'm just a warm and fuzzy memory?" He placed his other hand over hers and gently caressed her knuckles.

"You are a cherished memory." Ana's attention went to the waitress who brought their drinks. Ana smiled at her and said thank you and then she returned her attentions to Christian. "Never think you didn't mean the world to me. You did. I just wasn't enough for you."

"You were always more than enough."

"Christian, be honest about me and you. You like the lifestyle. It's a part of you. You love the control and hey, that's alright. Whatever makes you happy! I make no judgments, but that lifestyle isn't for me."

"You made me happy." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips. "I want to make you happy, Ana."

"Alright, if you want to make me happy, behave tonight and tomorrow. No snarky remarks, no nasty looks at my husband, and be nice to Kate. She is about to be your sister-in-law."

"And, how will you make me happy?" His eyes turned dark with desire. He still desired her. He would take anything that she offered. Hell, he would even become her secret lover if she wished.

"I will kind and respectful to you. I won't flaunt Gideon in front of you. Yes, he will be by my side this evening and tomorrow, but I will keep PDAs to a minimum."

"You can do anything you want with Cross for all I care, I want you to come to me. I want you to want me again. I'll take anything Ana. I told you once that I would take you anyway I could get you, and if I have to be the other man, then so be it. I can't live without you."

Ana pulled her hand out of his. "You look like you are living fine without me. And, you want me to cheat with you on my husband? Are you crazy? For one thing, that will not happen! I cherish the vows I took and I will keep them. I will stay true to Gideon for as long as we are married. Second, what happened to your monogamous rule when with a Sub? Yes, I know about your current Sub, so don't try to act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Please, do not insult my intelligence."

Christian sat in silence staring at the woman who once loved him unconditionally until he fucked it all up in one evening. She was quite remarkable. Smart, feisty, and honorable and she would not cheat on her husband. "Gideon is a very fortunate man."

"I do love him, Christian. I wish you could be happy for me."

"Oh, God, baby, that hurts to hear you say that. You are supposed to love me. You were mine."

"I was yours, but you didn't appreciate that before it was too late." She looked down at her hands that she folded before her on the table. Her left hand was on top and she smiled at the rings that joined her to Gideon. She could still feel the moment that he slid the wedding ring on her finger. "It's time for you to move on, Christian. Don't be afraid. You can find love if you would just let someone in."

"I did once and she tore my heart out of my chest."

"I did no such thing." She was getting tired of his whining. "Listen, Christian, it's not my job to save you or to grant you happiness. If you want love and happiness, it's up to you to go find it and maintain it. That's where we failed, we didn't maintain our relationship. We took each other for granted."

"It wasn't you fault. You just never gave me a chance to fix it."

Ana had to laugh. "How can you fix the fact that you went to a BDSM club and then rented a complete stranger to beat on? You know you would have gone back over and over again, and then it would have turned sexual. It was just a matter of time. I left so you could be happy in the lifestyle that you love so much. Don't you see, I gave you back to what you know and are comfortable with?"

"I don't want that."

"Leave it then." She retorted back.

"So, you are staying with Cross?" He asked changing the subject. As long as she was out of his reach he wasn't leaving the lifestyle. She was the only one worth leaving it for.

"Yes, I am. Why would I want to ever leave him?"

Christian brushed his hands thru his copper curls. "I will be on my best behavior tonight and tomorrow. If I can't have you as my wife, maybe we can be friends."

Ana smiled gently at him. "I would like that." She took another sip of her wine. "I hope someday you will like Gideon. You two are a lot alike. Both are ruthless in business, but give generously to causes that mean a lot to you. Both are domineering but in different ways."

"Sounds like he is my long, lost brother."

"I wouldn't go that far." Ana giggled making Christian smile. "He is a good man and he is very good to me."

"If you ever need me…or if that bastard ever hurts you…whatever happens in your life or my life, I will be there for you. Just one phone call, Ana and I will be by your side."

Ana sat back shocked by his level of protection that he had for her and shocked by the animosity he seemed to have for Gideon. "Tell me why you hate my husband so much."

"We have history."

Ana's smile faded and her eyes became dark. What kind of history could they have? Did they attend Harvard together? "I would like to know."

"Gideon and I knocked heads over a Sub. He wanted her and I wanted her. He got her and after he was done with her she was ruined." His words were acid to her soul eating through it and leaving her raw and bare.

"Liar!" She whispered furiously. She stood quickly. "You want us to be friends then you lie like that. How could you, Christian? Do you hate him that much?"

Christian came to his feet and took her by the shoulders. "I'm not lying to you. Ask him, Ana. Ask him about Tiffanie Sommers. I dare you."

Ana pulled away from the man she used to love. Without thinking she pulled back and slapped him as hard as she could. "Don't you ever breathe his name. You aren't man enough to be in the same room with my husband."

Christian's grey eyes turned dark in anger. She had called him a liar and then slapped him. "Your Gideon isn't as innocent as you seem to think. Yeah, we are a lot alike, because we used to run in the same circles, go to the same clubs, and fuck the same Subs." He stepped towards her. "And, now he is married to my fiancé and fucking her." He was close enough that he could feel her breathing. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Ask him, Ana, and find out what a sick twisted bastard he really is." Christian walked away leaving Ana shell-shocked. She couldn't move. When the waitress finally approached her did Ana find her bearings.

"Mrs. Cross, are you alright?" The girl asked worried. "Shall I call someone for you?"

Ana gave a half-attempted laugh. "It seems there is no one to call." She found her purse and gave the girl a hundred dollar bill to pay for the drinks. "Keep the change."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cross."

"Oh, by the way, don't ever trust a man. A little tip from me to you." Ana slowly walked out of the bar, through the lobby to the elevators and pressed the button. Her body was numb. Every bone in her body ached. She felt like Christian had beaten the shit out her, and in a way he did, but with his cruel words instead of his fists.

Gideon arrived to their hotel suite as Ana finished dressing for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. She was wearing a lovely Calvin Klein black/blue/white colorblock dress with cap sleeves with her blue five-inch Dior shoes. Her hair was pulled back into a high pony-tail and left to flow down the middle of her back. She was sitting at the vanity when Gideon strolled over to her with a smile that promised that he would make love to her all night long. He bent down and kissed her long slender neck. She always smelled so good.

"I am so glad to see you, Ana. God, I missed you so much." He watched her in the mirror. Her eyes were glazed over and she did look like she had been crying. "Ana? Are you alright?"

The tears welled up in her eyes. When she spoke her voice quivered in deep hurt. "Who is Tiffanie Sommers?"

Gideon stood to full height. How in the hell did she learn that name? Fuck! That was a name he never wanted to hear again. The only one who could have told her about Tiffanie was Grey. "She was a girl I knew long, long time ago."

"Was she your Sub?"

Thos blue eyes were hard as granite. She wasn't giving an inch on this. "She was in a sense."

"Fuck." Ana breathed. She closed her eyes and wished she was anywhere but here in Seattle. "Why didn't you tell me? Why the fuck did I have to hear this from him?"

"It was years ago, Ana. Damn it, woman, it doesn't affect us in the here and now."

"You went to clubs." Her voice took on a tone of accusation. "You were in the lifestyle just like him."

"I dabbled in it. I wasn't hardcore like Grey. I didn't beat girls with canes or whips."

"What happened to Tiffanie Sommers?"

"You want the truth or Grey's version of the truth." His sapphire eyes turned dark with fury. He would kill Grey for this.

"I just want the truth."

"Tiffanie was a Sub trying to get out of the lifestyle. Grey was hot for her. She had turned him down a few times because …well he had a reputation in the lifestyle of being out of control. Some girls got hurt because of his penchant for casting pain. I thought she was a pretty little thing so I wanted her and we got into a fight over her. We beat the shit out of each other and we both were expelled from this club, but I took Tiffanie with me. We had our fun. She left happy and content. A few days later she was found in her bedroom. She hung herself. The last person to call her was Grey. She also kept a diary telling how horrible she found the lifestyle now and that she wanted out for good but people like Grey kept pulling her back in. All she wanted was to be taken care of and all she got was being used."

"Why does Christian think you ruined her?"

"Because I was the last one to fuck her. I swear Ana; I never hit her with anything not even my hand. I tied her up and we had some wild hard sex, but I never hit her."

Ana believed him. She knew he liked a little bondage and she willingly participated and enjoyed it. She could honestly say that Gideon never once asked to hit her with anything. He only wanted to dominate the sex act. "You should have told me."

"Maybe, I should have, but it's not something I think about every day. It happened years ago and I had nothing to do with her death. She chose to end her life because she was depressed." Gideon kneeled beside his wife. "Have I ever hurt you? Have I ever hit you?"

"No, Gideon, you haven't." She answered as a tear slid down her cheek.

"He is trying to come between us. I will admit that I didn't tell you everything about my past, but I have told you more than I have told anyone in my life. Fighting with Grey over a girl isn't a big deal to me. Doms usually compete for a Sub, especially if she is beautiful and good at being a submissive." He reached over and wiped her tears away. "I don't like to see you cry. You are too beautiful to be crying."

Ana searched his face and his eyes and saw the truth in them. "He blindsided me. We met downstairs to talk about the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner tonight. He kept telling me that he loved me and wanted me back and he even suggested that I take him as a lover." She took a big breath to calm her nerves. "I refused him telling him that I took my vows seriously that's when he told me to ask you about Tiffanie Sommers because you were not all that innocent. He said you both ran in the same circles and fucked the same Subs and now you are married to his fiancé and fucking her. Is that why you wanted me Gideon, because Christian had me? Am I just a prize between you two alpha males?"

"How can you think that? You know I was attracted to you before I found out about your connection to Christian. You felt the heat between us even before I sat down at your table…fuck Ana, I felt it when I walked into that restaurant and it led me straight to you."

"You better get cleaned up. We have to leave in forty-five minutes."

"Are we alright, Ana?" He asked worried about the coldness that was still in her eyes.

"For now." She said standing up. "I have a few calls to make before we leave. Your dark blue suit is hanging in the closet and all your other things are already set out for you on the bed."

Gideon watched her walk into the living room. Her shoulders were slumped over. _That fuckin Grey! Who in the hell does he think he is messing with my wife? I will fucking mess him up. I should have killed him the last time we fought. Yeah, motherfucker, we have history…but you are not going to mess up my future with Ana. She is my beloved wife and I keep what is mine!_


	19. Chapter 19: Rehearse This!

Chapter 19: Rehearse this!

Everyone was on pins and needles. This would be the first time that Ana and Christian would be together since she married Gideon Cross. Grace was so nervous that she chewed the skin from around her forefinger causing it to bleed and needed a band-aid. Kate made Elliot have a little talk with Christian about behaving and not ruining their rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

Ana stood with Mia and Kate talking as the wedding planner was placing people where they would be sitting for the ceremony. She asked for the Father-of-the-Bride to go to the back of the church and wait with the Bride.

"Places everyone." The Planner said. The Minister led Elliot and his groomsmen from a smaller room off the ballroom where they waited. The mothers were seated by the ushers and the music was cued. The sound of Bach's Air on G filled the ballroom that was turned into a wedding chapel. The first bridesmaid started down the aisle then after a count of eight Mia followed. Ana counted her eight then she started down the aisle. She kept her eyes on Gideon who sat on the Bride's side. Her smile radiated warmth that everyone could feel. Grace leaned over to Carrick whispering how beautiful their Ana was and that she looked happy with her new husband. When Ana reached her spot the music changed to the Wedding March and Kate with her Father started the walk down the aisle. Kate's eyes were locked on Elliot's. They smiled shyly at each other which made Ana laugh because they were basically living together.

Ana barely heard the rest of the rehearsal. Her thoughts were on Gideon, Tiffanie, and Christian. She knew she should put it out of her head because that was the past, but she wondered if Gideon was truly done with the lifestyle. Did he want that with her? Would he want to take her to those clubs? She stared through the minister as he explained the ceremony then her eyes was caught by grey eyes. Christian was staring at her like she was filet mignon and he was a very hungry man. Ana turned enough to catch a glimpse of Gideon who was watching her then his eyes shifted to Christian. She could tell by the way Gideon's jaw was twitching that he was angry. She looked up praying that this minister would hurry the hell up. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. For over twenty minutes this man went on about the ceremony. Finally, it was over and the exit procession was to begin.

The Minister was smiling. "Now, after the kiss, I will announce the couple…Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Elliot Grey…at this time, the Matron of Honor will hand the Bride her bouquet, and the Bride and Groom will walk down the aisle with the music playing." He looked up and cued the musicians. The music began and Elliot hooked his arm with Kate's and they started down the aisle. "When the Bride and Groom have left the chapel, then the Matron of Honor and Best Man will follow with the rest of the party following." The Minister motioned Ana and Christian together. He offered his arm which she took. She refused to look at him as they made their way down the aisle. Ana also refused to look at her husband and kept her eyes toward the back of the room. When she crossed the threshold, Ana let go of Christian and moved away from him as fast as she could. Kate took Ana's hand and pulled her close.

"Are you alright?" The Bride-to-be asked worried.

"It's nothing, Kate. Gideon and I had a little tense discussion thanks to Christian." Ana waved it away as if it was nothing. She then smiled at her friend. "You are going to be a beautiful bride."

"Ana, you look a little pale. Are you feeling alright?" Kate raised her hand to feel Ana's forehead just as Ana fainted at her feet. "Oh, my God! Ana!"

Both Christian and Elliot raced to Ana. They were moved aside by a dark haired man who picked up his wife easily and carried her back into the ballroom. "Dr. Grey, please?" Gideon called out.

Grace was quick to get to Ana. She noticed how pale the girl was. "What happened? Put her down on the floor for now."

"She fainted." Kate said. She was worried that Ana had gotten stressed over being the Matron of Honor and being paired up with Christian.

"Ana." Grace said giving the girl firm pats on her cheeks. "Honey, wake up."

Ana slowly regained consciousness. She looked up into the warm caramel eyes of Grace Grey. "What happened?"

"You fainted, sweetheart. Now, just stay put until you feel a little bit better. Do you feel dizzy or sick?"

"I feel sick to my stomach." Ana whispered.

Grace gave her a reassuring smile. "I think we should take you to the hospital."

"No, I don't want to ruin Kate and Elliot's rehearsal dinner." She slowly got up but her head was spinning. She looked up to see her husband looking very worried. "Gideon can take me."

The ER was busy for a Friday night. Gideon and Ana waited for almost an hour before a Doctor could see her. She was probed and prodded for a few minutes then asked to give a urine sample. A few minutes later the Doctor came back smiling. "Mrs. Cross, you are pregnant."

Ana fainted again.

Gideon had been smiling ever since the ER doctor told them that they were having a baby. He held Ana close to him as their driver took them to the Mile High Club to join the Rehearsal Dinner. Everyone gathered around Ana asking what was wrong. She only smiled and said exhaustion. She wasn't ready to tell anyone that she and Gideon were expecting. She was still trying to accept this news. A baby? It just didn't make sense. She never missed a shot.

Gideon was ready to yell their news from the rooftops, but Ana, who was only about nine weeks pregnant said that couples didn't tell anyone until they achieved twelve weeks of pregnancy. He stayed close to her side holding her close in case she fainted again.

Christian watched the couple closely. Ana still looked very pale but Gideon looked like he had won the lottery. He noticed how Gideon hovered around Ana never leaving her alone and always touching her. When champagne was offered to Ana she declined and asked for a glass of iced tea. There was something wrong with Ana and they were not saying.

Gideon decided that champagne wasn't enough for him. He wanted a shot of bourbon. He made his way to the bar leaving Ana with Kate and Elliot. As he took a sip, he felt a presence behind him. He turned to see Christian Grey.

"Grey." Gideon said with a deep voice.

"Cross." Christian's voice was just as deep. "Is she going to be alright?"

"My wife is fine." Gideon said smiling.

"She's to pale and she's fainted. There is something wrong with her." Christian was doing his best to keep his temper.

"There is nothing wrong with my wife that won't be rectified in seven months." Gideon declared with a big smile across his swarthy face.

_Fuck! She's knocked up! The motherfucker knocked up Ana! _ Christian wanted to punch the bastard but this wasn't the place. "Congratulations."

"Thank you. Try not to tell anyone, Ana says couples don't tell until the twelfth week, but I knew you would want to know since you have deep feelings for her." Gideon's smile didn't reach his eyes. He was making sure that Christian knew that Ana was truly his now. She was having his baby. She was having a Cross baby!

Christian took a deep breath and motioned for the bartender to refill Gideon's drink and to give him one also. "Leave the bottle, Leo." He said as he bolted down the fiery liquid. He poured another shot of bourbon. "I guess you win Ana, too." Christian said lowly. "Are you going to kill her like you did Tiffanie?"

Gideon slowly placed his glass on the bar. "I never touched Tiffanie in violence. I wasn't the one who like to beat her with a cane." He threw a fifty dollar bill on the bar to pay for his drink. "And, the next time you tell my wife anything about me, make sure it's the fucking truth, Grey."

Christian only smiled into his glass as Gideon walked away. He turned to see Ana walk into Gideon's arms and they hugged. Gideon bent down to whisper something into Ana's ear and they both laughed. Ana smiled up her husband with those flirty eyes that meant only one thing, Ana was ready for bed, but not for sleep. Her arm went around his waist and they walked out of the Mile High Club and Christian's heart was broken once again.


	20. Chapter 20: Hurt

Chapter 20: Hurt

Seattle at night was a beautiful sight with all the twinkling lights. Ana stared out the window while her husband slept peacefully in their bed. They had made love for a few hours after leaving the rehearsal dinner and now Ana was unable to sleep. She was pregnant. She was the Matron of Honor at her best friend's wedding and would have to walk with her ex-fiancé, and she learned that her husband had been in the BDSM lifestyle more than he had admitted. This had been one hell of day. She was gripping a glass of water as she contemplated her life. Pregnant! She closed her eyes and shook her head. She still couldn't believe it. She knew she had taken the shots on time. The damn thing either ran out to soon or she was given a bad shot. Pregnant! It was too soon. She knew she wanted children but not this soon. She was thinking of trying to get pregnant after they had been married a year. Ana leaned into the window placing her forehead on the cool glass to soothe her troubled mind. Were they ready to be parents? They were still learning about each other which had become very evident this afternoon when she learned about her husband's adventures into the dark side. She moved around the suite restless and worried. She finally settled on the sofa and pulled her legs up to her chest. She couldn't believe that the only two men she ever went to bed with had been in competition over a Sub. Fuck! This was just fucked up! She knew that Gideon liked to control sex and they did play once in awhile with bondage but he never hurt her or ask to hit her. She accepted his dominance and enjoyed his sexing. She was about to get up and get another glass of water when she heard Gideon screaming. She ran into the bedroom flipping on the lights to find Gideon standing on his knees grasping his cock and violently pulling and stroking on it. His eyes were closed but there was a sneer on this face.

"You fucker…how do you like it? How do you like it?" His cock was purple and rigid. Ana froze wondering what to do. She knew about his violent dreams but this was the first time she had witnessed a full-blown episode. He fell onto the bed pumping his hips into the mattress like he was fucking someone hard. "How's it feel motherfucker?"

"Gideon!" She said taking one step toward the bed. She was afraid to get closer to him in case he grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed. "Gideon Cross. It's just a dream! Wake up!"

"Fucker!" His voice rained out. "God damn motherfucker piece of shit!"

Ana had to wake him up. She went to the bed and touched his shoulder. "Please Gideon…please wake up." Her eyes were huge as she watched him thrust with venom into the mattress. "DAMN IT, GIDEON…WAKE UP!" Her hand went into his hair trying to soothe him. His arm came around and grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed and he was on top of her. His hands bit into her shoulders as he pinned her to the bed. "Please, Gideon, don't hurt me…please honey…our baby!" She felt her nightgown being pushed up and her legs being spread by his knee. "The baby Gideon…our baby!" She tried to push him off but he was so heavy. With all her strength she brought a knee up into his gut. This knocked him off balance enough that she could push him away with her feet and scramble off the bed. He fell back onto his back hitting his head on the headboard.

Ana crumbled to the floor in tears and for the first time since knowing Gideon she was afraid of him. She sobbed uncontrollably while Gideon came to. Her cries shot through his soul. He stood up on his knees to see his wife on the floor in tears.

"Oh, God…Ana…what have I done?" He grabbed his hair with both hands. "Ana, I…it was the dream…I didn't mean it. Please forgive me. Oh, sweetheart." He climbed out of bed and fell beside her. "I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"You…you tried t…tt..to…" She looked up at him with tears rolling down both cheeks. He tried to hold her but she scrambled away from him clearly terrified of her husband. "Don't hurt me."

"Ana, I won't hurt you. Oh, God…I would never want to hurt you. I love you so much." His blue eyes begged her to hear him. "Just let me see if you are hurt."

Ana stiffened as he moved closer and gently touched her shoulders where his red handprints were evident. "Did you…forget your medicine?"

Gideon grimaced. "I am so sorry. I did forget. Oh, Ana…please forgive me." He saw that she was still fearful of him. "I won't hurt you, honey. I just want to get you off the floor and into the bed."

"No, not the bed!" She screamed. She stood up slowly watching her husband in case he made a move for her. "I won't sleep there."

"Ana, please."

"Leave me alone, Gideon." She was shivering. " ' .me." She turned away from him and walked back into the living area. She went to the sofa and sat there. She could hear Gideon moving around in the bedroom.

Gideon stood behind her and watched her cry into her hands. He could see her shake from her fear. "Ana, I never meant to hurt you."

"You need to see someone about this. There has to be more to be done than just taking a pill. You could have…you would have…I had to knee you to get you off me. I'm pregnant, Gideon. What if you do this to me again or God forbid…our child." She couldn't look at him.

"I will leave."

Ana sat silently. She didn't argue with him to stay. Ana could only think about the look on his face as he hovered over her. His face was so dark and angry. He wanted to hurt her. He would have raped her.

"Ana, do you want me to leave?"

"Yes."

"Fuck."

Ana turned to her husband. "I want you to leave this room for awhile. I need space to relax. Go back to bed, Gideon. Take your damn meds and go back to bed."

Gideon visibly relaxed. She didn't want him to leave their hotel suite. For a few seconds he thought she was throwing him out. "Ana…" He wanted to hold her so much that his arms ached for her. "When you are ready to discuss, I'll be waiting."

She only nodded at him. She watched him slowly go back into the bedroom. She was afraid of him, just like she had been afraid of Christian when he was angry. What is the deal with Doms and her? Why did she attract this sort of man? Was it her small frame and shyness? She had to come to terms with everything including a pregnancy that was not planned. She snuggled into the sofa and stared out the window into the darkness of Seattle. She should have stayed away from this wedding and this city. In her heart she knew it was a mistake. Meeting with Christian had been a mistake thinking that they could have an adult discussion and put away their differences and heartbreak for the people they loved. She wiped away a tear. Why did the night terrors begin again? Was it the stress of having a baby? Did Christian's indulging of information bring this on? Or was it he just forgot his meds? She closed her eyes and tried to relax and let sleep overtake her. She was too tired to try to figure this out. She needed to sleep not just for herself now, but for the precious baby that slept inside her. Her hand went to her stomach. Her baby…Gideon's baby…must be kept safe…sleep…sleep…darkness…peace.


	21. Chapter 21: Kate's Fears

Chapter 21: Kate's Fears

The morning came with a new excitement. Kate jumped out of her bed excited that this was her wedding day. She danced around her room at her apartment humming the Wedding March! She was going to marry the man of her dreams. Elliot Grey. Mrs. Elliot Grey. Katharine Grey. Kate Grey. She twirled around laughing. Mrs. Kate Grey. She found herself in front of her full-length mirror that stood in the corner. She was a hot mess with bedhead and smeared makeup. She had fallen into her bed last night a little tipsy after kissing Elliot goodbye just a few minutes before mid-night. They were following a few traditions thanks to Mia who insisted that the Bride and Groom could not see each other until the wedding. "Oh, Elliot…I can't wait to stand with you and become your wife." She twirled around a few more times exceedingly overjoyed. This was the day!

The smell of coffee pulled Kate from her room and into the kitchen where she found Mia and to her great surprise, Ana. "Hey, what are you doing here?" Kate asked as she kissed Ana's cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better. I was just exhausted and I forgot to eat yesterday." She smiled at her friend. She wanted to pull Kate into the other room and unload all her problems, but this was Kate's wedding day. Ana wanted this day to be perfect for her friend. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"Eat breakfast for one thing. I can't have you fainting at the wedding." Kate laughed.

"I can cook something." Mia offered.

Kate had to laugh once again. "I don't think I have any food here. I don't stay here much." She confessed.

"IHOP!" Mia and Ana said together causing all three ladies to bust into a round of giggles.

Pancakes, bacon, eggs, maple syrup and a strong cup of coffee made Ana's stomach very happy. She was starving! She couldn't remember if she ate last night at the rehearsal dinner. Mia was chattering a mile a minute about the flowers and the last minute details. Kate was still smiling.

"So, now what?" Ana asked after she finished her last bite of pancake. She took a big swig of her coffee.

"Wow, you took that meal apart! I've never seen you eat like that. Did Gideon work up your appetite last night?" Kate asked amazed. "Tell me, Ana…how does Mr. Stud stack up next to Mr. Moneybags?"

Mia stuck her fingers in her ears. "LaLaLaLa…I don't want to hear this."

"Mr. Stud holds his own." Ana replied feeling her face heat up. "Actually, he is fucking awesome in the sheets."

Kate lowered her voice. "Do you feel cheated since you have only had sex with only two men in your life? I mean…how does it feel to know that you will never have sex again with anyone else?"

"Since I'm not that experienced I guess I am more than happy. Gideon is a lover extraordinaire. He knows how to do everything…I mean EVERYTHING!" Ana's blue eyes sparkled wildly as she bit her lower lip.

Kate gulped. "Everything?"

A little smirk graced Ana's face. "Let's just say…in your own words…he enjoys eating at the "Y".

"Ugh!" Mia squealed not really wanting to hear this. Even though she was dating Ethan Kavanagh and their relationship included sex she didn't want to hear anything about her brother's sex life. Both of these women had intimate knowledge of her older brothers. "Can we change the subject?"

"Go to the bathroom." Kate said not wanting to give up this conversation. She needed to know that sex didn't end after the "I do's".

Ana smiled as Mia scooted off her seat and left. "What is with her today?"

"She is afraid that we are going to talk about sex with her brothers. So…is sex better after marriage?"

"I think so. Heaven knows that I get more than the average American woman so I'm not complaining."

"How many times a week do you guys…you know?" Kate asked wide-eyed.

"Every day multiple times."

"Fuck me." Kate said breathlessly. "Really?"

"Really." Ana leaned forward and whispered. "At least twice a day on a slow day." She giggled as Kate's eyes grew even wider.

"A slow day? What about a fast day?"

"Non-stop, honey….non-stop. We have spent a whole day in bed screwing." Ana admitted proudly. "Gideon will take a day off just to fuck me silly."

"Damn." Kate wondered if Elliot would do such a thing. She leaned forward also. "How does Gideon stack up against Christian?"

Ana didn't know how to answer that question. She never complained about Christian's sex drive and he was excellent in bed, but Gideon in her opinion was more suited to her tastes. "I did marry Gideon, so that should answer your question."

Kate giggled. She reached over and touched Ana's hand. "I'm so glad that you are happy, Ana. To tell you the truth, I thought you would come back to Christian. I never thought you would get married so fast after leaving Seattle then I met your Gideon. Damn, he's one good-looking studmuffin. His eyes are mesmerizing."

"They really are, aren't they? Such a deep blue and so intense and he can melt me with one glance."

"I hope Elliot and I keep such a passion for each other. That is my greatest fear that we will lose our spark after we say I do." She played with her engagement ring. "Is that what happened to you and Christian? Why did you leave him?"

Ana looked away. Kate knew all their secrets. She had found that damn contract that Christian tried to get her to sigh to be his next submissive. "I left him because he cheated on me."

"Did he fuck someone else? Was it that Lincoln bitch?"

"No, he actually didn't fuck someone…it was another form of cheating, Kate." Ana's voice was so low that Kate could hardly hear her. "Off the record, Kate, remember that."

"It's in the fault, locked away."

"He went to a BDSM club and took a Sub." Ana's voice was flat as she spoke about it. "He didn't fuck her, but pictures were taken and sent to me. But, truthfully we were drifting apart before that. He was jealous of my job. He was suffocating me. I got tired of trying to keep him happy. I could never relax with him." She looked to Kate who was getting angry. Ana shook her head at her friend. "Calm down, Kate…this is old news. Don't go after Christian. I have to take some of the blame also because I was too afraid to confront him on some things. I kept putting off on setting our wedding date because I was just waiting for him to fuck up proving my point that I was not enough for him. I could never be what he wants and needs. We were just fooling ourselves thinking that we could make our relationship work."

"Do you still love him?"

"Kate, I will always love him because he was my first love, but most of the time I do not like him. He hurt me so much. He betrayed me and I couldn't get over what he did. When he went to that club I knew we were over. He needs it and I don't want it."

"Gideon seems to be a Dominant also."

"He has that tendency also, but not like Christian. I think it's part of the CEO guidebook." She laughed. "But, if you asking me if Gideon likes to beat me, that's a no. He isn't into that."

"Elliot likes some kink. It must be a guy thing." She said shrugging her shoulders. "We use toys and handcuffs. He has asked to tie me up, but I don't think I can do that. I need to be able to have control."

Ana bit her lip. "Maybe you should tie him up."

"Anastasia Rose Steel Cross! I can't believe you said that!" Kate exclaimed turning red as an apple. The girls began to giggle then busted out laughing at the thought of Elliot Grey tied to a bed and at the mercy of Kate.

The girls were still laughing when Mia came back to the table. "Where have you been?" Ana asked as Mia sat next to her.

"Talking to Elliot, Christian, Ethan, and William who are having breakfast also."

"Oh, fuck. Elliot can't see me." Kate said as she bent down to hide.

"They have left. I walked them out and watched them leave." Mia then turned to Ana. "Christian asked if you were feeling better and to tell you congratulations."

"Congratulations on what?" Kate asked sitting up.

"I have no idea." Ana lied. Somehow Christian knew her secret. The bastard!

"He looked like hell. I bet he stayed up all night drinking." Mia offered.

"He better not ruin my wedding or I will castrate him this time and not even Elliot will be able to stop me." Kate fumed. "That is my worse fear is that Christian is going to do something to ruin my day. I know he doesn't like me and to be truthful, there's no love lost between us, but damn, I do try to be at least civil to him for Elliot's sake."

"Don't worry Kate. Mom and Dad gave Christian a good talking to." Mia offered as she turned to look at Ana. "Especially when Ana agreed to be your Matron of Honor."

Ana wondered if Mia was upset that she wasn't the Maid of Honor. "I can always step down if you want the job, Mia. I can walk with Ethan."

"No! I didn't mean anything like that." Mia exclaimed. "I was just trying to calm Kate down."

"No one is changing anything. I am six hours from getting married so let's not rock the boat." She moved out of the booth. "We better get going. We have makeup and hair, and then we have to head over to Mile High Club to dress and photographs."

Make-up, hair, and nails were done by four specialists that the Kavanagh family brought in from Los Angeles. After a quick protein meal, the Bride and her party were helped getting into their gowns. Ana, Mia, and Sonja were wide-eyed in amazement as Kate walked out in her wedding dress that Mrs. Kavanagh had designed and made for her daughter. It was a strapless gown with a fitted bodice that showed off Kate's figure. The skirt had just a little flare and it hugged her body perfectly in silk and lace. She wore a fingertip veil that would cover her face because it was her childhood dream for her husband to lift her veil for their first kiss. Kate wanted the fairytale. She wore her grandmother's pearl necklace and earrings which constituted as part of the something old and something borrowed. Her dress was new and the blue silk garter belt with real diamond accents, a gift from Ana, was the something blue.

"So, how do I look?" Kate asked as she turned around.

"Perfect." Mia squealed.

"Too beautiful for words, Kate." Ana offered as she fought tears. Her friend was truly beautiful with her hair up in curls to show off her elegant neck.

"Ana, can you help me with something?" Kate asked motioning her friend over. They walked away from the others. Kate put her arm through Ana's. "I'm scared to death. What if…what if this is wrong?"

"Oh, honey, you are just nervous. Take a few deep breaths and think about how sweet and loving Elliot is. Think about how much he loves you and you love him." Ana's words were softly spoken with reassurance.

"Were you nervous when you married Mr. Stud?"

Ana gave a snort of laughter. "We almost called it off." She admitted. "But, we knew that we loved each other and we could work through any problem that we might have or be thrown at us." Ana realized that she had handled last night all wrong. Gideon needed her last night and she basically abandoned him. "Kate, I have to go talk to Gideon for just a minute…you won't mind will you?"

"Of course not."

Ana picked up her skirts and ran out of the room that was set aside for the Bride and Bridal party. She passed by waiters and other personnel of the Mile High Club trying to find her husband. Elliot and his party were already taking their before the wedding shots using the skyline of Seattle as a backdrop. Her eyes were caught by Christian who then nodded at her. She just frowned at him and went on her way to find Gideon. With a sigh of relief she found him sitting at the bar with only a ginger ale in front of him.

"Gideon?" She softly said.

The dark-haired man gracefully turned to find his wife standing before him with tears in her eyes. He opened his arms to her and invited her into his embrace. "Goddess, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not. I was horrible to you last night. When you needed me I shut myself off. Gideon, I am so sorry, so very sorry. Please forgive me." She reached up and pressed her full lips to his. "I do love you."

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault. I know that you were frightened and not just for yourself." He placed his big hand over her belly to caress their child. "I love you, Ana and I will seek help when we get back home." He kissed her gently at first, then her arms encircled his neck and she pressed deeper. They ravished each other's mouths wanting to reconnect as husband and wife and as lovers. "I want you so much. You left so early this morning. I missed seeing these blue eyes waking up to me."

"You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you." Ana whispered against his broad chest. "Gideon, why did you tell him I was pregnant?"

_Damn that fucker! Can't he keep his mouth shut?_ "For two reasons, one he was worried about you and two he needs to come to terms that we are married and we have a future before us."

"Just tell me you didn't do it to hurt him."

"No, Ana, I didn't want to hurt him that way." He honestly said. "I would prefer to take him out in an alley and beat the shit out of him." He laughed trying to make this situation lighter, but she didn't find his words humorous.

"Gideon, why? Because he had me first?"

"Because he lied to you honey about me and he still wants you. I can't blame the man for wanting you but I sure as hell can be moved to violence when he tells you lies about me in an attempt to take you away from me and our life together." He kissed the top of her head then her forehead making his way to her lips. "You are my wife and I will always protect you. That's what we do for each other."

"Gideon, will you do something for me?"

"Of course, my love. What do you want?" He said smiling down at her.

"Kiss me until I almost faint." She smirked up at him and offered her lips to his. He pulled her up onto his lap and kissed her over and over again. He couldn't stop kissing her even if his life depended on it. They were connected again. Grey hadn't broken them as he first feared. His night terrors didn't make her run for the hills. She was back where she belonged in his arms and he was back where he belonged in her arms.

Christian stood in the door way of the main dining room which was empty. The Mile High Club had been closed down to the public for the Grey-Kavanagh Wedding. He saw Ana in the lap of her husband being ravished. He closed his eyes and fought like hell to contain his fury and screams of despair. It hurt to see her with another man, especially when she was happy. It tore his heart out of his chest to know that she was having another man's baby. She should be having his children. She was supposed to be kissing him like that. He turned and walked away leaving them alone. "It's time to move on." He said out loud. "It's time to move on for real." He shoved his balled fists into his tuxedo's pockets and started back to the ballroom where the reception and dance would be and the photographer was taking pictures for the Groom's side just awhile ago. He noticed that the Groom's party was gone, and the Bride's party was getting prepared. He could hear people asking where the Matron of Honor was. He took a good look at Kate and had to admit that she made a lovely bride, and Mia was too precious in her dress. His eye then went to the other bridesmaid. Tonya? Tanya? No, wait, it's Sonja. She was pretty. Just a hair taller than Ana with dark red hair and a fine figure. Maybe if she was without a date for the wedding he would spend some time with her. He heard high heels clicking on the floor and saw Ana pass him as she made her way to the Bride. She didn't even notice him. She only saw Gideon. He watched as the photographer's assistant moved Ana into place and the makeup people touched up her powder and lipstick. He still hungered for her. He would always want her, but he knew it was too late. He took one last look at her as she laughed with Kate. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Christian Grey left the room knowing that Anastasia Steele Cross belonged to Gideon and her unborn child.


	22. Chapter 22: The Start of New Beginnings

Chapter 22: The Start of New Beginnings

Sonja Mueller watched Kate and Elliot kiss for the first time as husband and wife. When Elliot slowly lifted Kate's veil and gently took both hands to cup her pretty face to kiss her, Sonja knew that she finally wanted to fall in love. Sonja worked for Kavanagh Designs with Kate's mother. She was a designer but also filled in as Danna Kavanagh's Personal Assistant. She was older than Kate by a few years, just hitting her twenty-fifth birthday. Sonja brushed back her dark red hair that kept falling into her emerald green eyes. She was smiling as Elliot kept kissing Kate even though the Minister was clearing his voice and the audience was cheering and applauding the newly married couple. Sonja watched as the Matron of Honor handed the Bride her flowers and then the happy couple made their way down the aisle. She watched as Ana took her place by the Best Man for their escorted walk down the aisle. She was intrigued by these two. Sonja knew that they used to be engaged but now Ana was married to some gorgeous man from New York City. By the way Christian was looking at her; he still had feelings for this woman. She put them both out of her mind as she concentrated in walking in these very uncomfortable shoes.

Christian and Ana were all smiles at the photographer took pictures of them. Most people saw a couple happy to be together for the marriage of their friend and brother, but inside, each was fighting their own struggles. Christian was battling the ever-growing desire to throw Ana over his shoulder and run out of the place with her, and Ana was just trying to keep her food down. She maintained her smile until they reached the hallway then she tore away from Christian and ran to the nearest restroom not caring if it was the men's or women's facilities. Christian had seen how pale she was coming and he knew what was going on when she slapped her hand over her mouth and ran. He followed her into the bathroom to hear her getting sick. He took paper towels and wetted them and then joined her in the stall. He tenderly cleaned around her mouth being careful with her makeup.

"There, you feel a little better?" He asked tenderly.

"Why do they call it morning sickness? If I remember correctly isn't this considered evening now?"

Christian had to chuckle. He didn't much experience with pregnant women except for what he learned in health classes at school. "Let me help you up. Mom can tell you what you need to get through this evening."

"Thank you, Christian. You didn't need to do this." She was still a little queasy. She took deep breaths to try to calm her stomach. He was still holding her up while she got her bearings. "I think I can walk now."

"Just let me help you." He said lowly. His arm went around her waist. He remembered this so well. The touch of her body brought back all his memories with this woman and the love he still had for her. "Gideon is a lucky man…with you having his kid."

"It was a shock to us." She said lowly but with a tiny smile.

"You keeping it?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I keep my husband's baby?" She asked frowning at him. Was he trying to suggest something or was he just an insensitive jerk?

"You said it was a shock."

"You know the best gifts are usually surprises, Christian. We sometimes don't know we want something until it's given to us…and then some don't even appreciate the gift until the gift is no longer theirs."

"I always appreciated you, Anastasia. I just didn't realize how easy it was to lose you."

"I'm not coming back. I belong with Gideon." She said bluntly.

"I know. He won yet again." Christian replied sadly.

"It's not a manner of winning. I am not some prize for you two to compete for. Damn it, Christian I am a human being, a woman of flesh and blood with feelings that you seem to keep hurting!" She broke down into tears. She pushed him away when he tried to console her. "Why do you have such little regard for me?"

"Oh, baby…that's not true. Yes, I'm an insensitive prick most of the time, but I never wanted to hurt you."

"But, you did."

"You hurt me also." He said sadly. "When you left Escala, when you left for New York, every fucking time I saw a photo of you and Cross, when you married him, and now…you are having his baby."

Ana swallowed her sobs hard. "It's for the best that we broke up. We would only continue to hurt each other." She wiped away her tears. "You take the West Coast and I will stay on the East Coast and maybe someday the pain we have caused each other will subside."

Christian gave a sharp nod then opened the door for her. Most of the guests had filed out of the chapel room and were being escorted to the bar for drinks as the Wedding Party took photographs. Christian escorted Ana back into the chapel where Gideon was waiting standing against the wall with his long legs crossed at the ankle. He shoved himself off the wall and slowly approached his wife and her escort.

"Cross, your wife is suffering from morning sickness." Christian said as he handed her over to him before Ana could say a word. She casted him a nasty look because he said it loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Kate flew down the aisle and took Ana into her arms.

"You're pregnant? And, just when were you going to tell me?" Kate began laughing. "I do expect to be Godmother and be called the favorite Auntie."

"Kate, you are crushing me." Ana said smiling. "Listen, I am just nine weeks along. I don't want it announced to the world yet." She looked about the room to see the Kavanagh and Grey families lovingly staring at her. "Yes, Gideon and I are expecting, but we were trying to keep it under wraps so not to take any thunder from you and Elliot."

"Screw that, Steele! We are having a baby." Kate squealed.

"Her last name is Cross and what's this we stuff." Gideon joked as Kate gave him a hug in celebration.

"People, people, people…please…we need the all of the Wedding Party for photos." A voice called out.

Kate was all smiles as she led Ana away. This was a great day! She was now Mrs. Elliot Grey and her best friend was going to have a baby! She looked to Elliot as they stood together. He kissed her on the nose. "I want a baby." She confessed ever so softly.

Elliot's eyes gleamed in sexual delight. "Can I try a little later this evening? We seem to have a party to attend."

"Oh, you!" Kate cried nudging his shoulder and shaking her head.

"Everyone smile!" Flash, flash, flash!

All the wedding celebrations were wonderful from the sit-down dinner to the cutting of the cake and the toasts given by Christian and Ana. Elliot offered his hand to his lovely bride and escorted her to the dance floor for their first dance. He chose Nina Simone's _I Put A Spell On You_ for their dance. They looked perfect together. He kissed on her and hugged her close as his hands moved down to her shapely bottom and gave them a light squeeze. Elliot gave the crowd their money's worth when at the end of the song he dipped Kate and gave her that long luscious Hollywood kiss that sent their guests into whoops and hollers and a few wolf whistles. The music changed to a country tune that Kate's dad chose for the Daddy/Daughter dance, _I Loved Her First. _With tears in his eyes Richard Kavanagh took his only daughter into his arms and danced. He whispered to her how beautiful she was and how proud that he was of his daughter. After that dance was over the Bride and Groom were reunited on the dance floor and their wedding party was invited to dance with them to Frank Sinatra's _The Way You Look Tonight._ Christian took Ana in his arms. He knew that Gideon was watching them closely. He moved gracefully with her in his arms and savored every moment because he knew this would be their last dance. She would leave the next day with her husband and return to her life in New York to prepare for the birth of her baby.

"I'm sorry about letting the cat out of the bag." He whispered to her.

"No, you're not. You were being nasty." She said lowly. She could feel the electricity that was always felt when they touched. It wasn't love she knew for her heart belonged to Gideon, but it was pure lust. She knew that his body would always be a temptation. Their relationship had been an emotional train-wreck but sex had been great between them unless he went too far and caused pain. "You will be nice to Kate?"

He shrugged. "I guess I have to now that she is my sister-in-law."

"She's a good woman, Christian, she just too dominant for your tastes."

"As long as she makes Elliot happy then I will be civil to her." He twirled her around and brought her close into his body. He knew she could feel his erection. He lowered his voice and whispered into her ear. "Feel what you do to me. Here you are married and pregnant with another man's child and I still want to fuck you."

Ana tried to pull away but he held her tight. "Don't Christian. Move on. It's time for you to move on. I want you to move on. You deserve to love and be loved" The song ended and stepped away from him. "Goodbye Christian."

Gideon waited for his wife to return to his side. He gathered her close and kissed her softly. "You okay, Goddess?"

"Yes, I am." She smiled up at him. "Gideon, I love you."

His smile lit up her heart. "I want you so much right now."

Her blue eyes twinkled. "I know." She said with her flirty voice. "Maybe we could find a broom closet somewhere."

With a chuckle Gideon took her hand and led her from the ballroom and into the room that the Bride's party used to dress in. He closed and locked the door. "You are wearing too many clothes, Mrs. Cross, but I think I can navigate around this beautiful dress." He picked her up scrunching her gown up nearly to her waist as he kissed her hard. He placed her on the sofa that was used earlier today by the bridesmaids to relax and wait for the wedding. His hands slid up and down her silk stockings then with an ornery smile he snapped her garter straps. "Sweetheart, I do love these silk stockings. So fucking sexy to see and feel." His hand slid up to find that she wasn't wearing any panties. "Mrs. Cross…how naughty of you to forget your panties, but it makes me one lucky man." His head dipped down to suckle on her clit causing her to cry out in pleasure. His tongue swirled around the swollen nub then he licked her clean. She was coming already. His fingers slid into her warmth and brought her once again. He needed her sloppy wet and soft because he had to have her hard and fast. Within seconds his trousers were undone and he was plunging deep into her. He thrust hard and deep taking her over the edge. "Oh, wife…you feel so damn good…so tight…my woman. Love….yes, fuck that cock…yeah Ana!" He grabbed her hips and pulled her up off the sofa and went deeper into her. "Ana…I'm so close…"

"Yes, Gideon…just a little more…harder." She cried out. She reached up and grabbed his ass and pushed him harder into her. "Yes…yes…oh…God…Yes." She fell. The stars twirled around her as her orgasm washed over her body.

Gideon could feel her body tighten and clinch down on his throbbing cock. He pushed into her a few more times and exploded inside her. "Oh, Ana…Ana…my Ana." He yelled as he kept ejaculating into her. He fell into her softness. "Woman, you are everything to me and for me."

"Gideon, oh God…that was amazing." She gasped. Her lips found his and she kissed him over and over again.

"Fuck!" Christian said aloud. He seen Gideon led Ana out of the ballroom and he knew exactly what they were doing. Hell, he would have done the same thing! If Ana was still his, they would be in the Bride's room making love. It would be his name she cried out instead of Cross's_. I must be a sick bastard to keep going back to the pain. She's done with me. I fucked it up. Why in the hell did I follow them? God, help me! Help me get over her!_

Sonja Mueller just wanted to get out these shoes that she was sure was made for torture. She sat down at a table and discreetly toed them off. She sighed in relief. She sat back and watched people which were one of her favorite things to do. Elliot and Kate were snuggled together on the dancefloor in their own little bubble. Carrick and Grace were making the rounds talking to the guests, but she did notice that Carrick's hand never left the small of the back of his wife. Mia was dancing with some unknown man and Ana and Gideon just walked back into the ballroom. Sonja noticed that Ana's dress was wrinkled and her hair was disheveled and poorly restyled. She had to smile knowing that they had snuck off for some private time. Her attention went to the bar where the bestman stood slamming back drink after drink. She slowly approached him. She knew from Kate that Christian Grey was a mess of a man. He was dark, cold, and heartless especially now that he lost the only woman he had ever loved. He was pouring bourbon from the bottle that he ordered the bartender to leave when she took the glass, reached behind the bar and poured the amber liquid into the barsink. "You've had enough." She said sternly. "I've been watching you and I get it…you are hurt, but this isn't the answer. It will only make things worse."

"Fuck off." Christian said acidly. Who was this little bitch who dared to take his drink and give him a lecture about his drinking?

"I know you are hurting, but this isn't the answer. I know Mr. Grey, I know all about pain and alcohol."

"How would you know anything?" His gray eyes were cold and narrow.

Sonja offered her hand. "Hello, my name is Sonja and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for two years."

Christian looked down at the offered hand. His eyes traced up her arm to a face that showed concerned. She had lovely green eyes that were set off by her dark red hair. "You are a bridesmaid."

"Yes, I'm a friend of Kate's."

"Her best-friend used to be my fiancé, but I fucked it up." He felt the familiar numbness that he was searching for. The bourbon helped to take the edge off his pain.

"Yes, I know. Ana is a delightful person."

"She is beautiful…and she belongs to him." His eyes closed. "I still…but it doesn't matter, does it?"

"Mr. Grey…Christian…I think you should go home. This isn't the place for you now."

"I can't go home. I don't have a home…he stole my home." Christian grabbed the bottle and drank straight from it. He didn't care that his loud voice had caught the attentions of the wedding guests.

"Let me take you home before you embarrass yourself and your family." Sonja offered.

Christian leered at her. She was pretty with a nice figure. He wondered if she could take a flogger to her ass. "Sooo, you want to take me home…will you f..fuck me?"

Sonja always prided herself on her self-control and patience with difficult people. The twelve-step program had helped her to put her life in order and keep it in order. However, his crude words slapped her in the face with insult when she was just trying to help him. With all her strength she slapped his face. They were in a Mexican standoff staring at each other. Christian finally broke the stare when he felt his face.

"You slapped me?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah, you deserved it." Sonja whispered. "You are being an asshole for no reason. I was just trying to keep your family from being publically embarrassed by your drunkenness."

"You should apologize." He was acting like a child complete with a pout.

Sonja gave him a look that said "Are you kidding"? She took the bottle and placed it in front of him. "Go ahead drink yourself into every gossip rag in the country." She turned around and left him. She chastised herself because she knew that you couldn't help someone unless they truly wanted it.

Christian's brain was slow. He looked at the bottle that sat before him and the retreating young woman that stood up to him and slapped him soundly. He pushed the bottle away and turned to see where his guardian angel had gone. He spotted her sitting at a table struggling to put her shoes back on. He staggered a bit before he found his center of balance. He reached her as she stood. "I owe you…I'm sorry… an apology." His words were scrambled. He tried again but Sonja stopped him.

"Good evening, Mr. Grey." She walked away leaving Christian alone in his misery.

Christian felt strong hands take his shoulder and guide him from the reception. Without looking he knew it was Taylor. No words were spoken as Christian was escorted from his own club. He wasn't aware that his parents had asked Taylor to take him home so the Bride and Groom could be spared any ugliness in case Christian kept to his M.O. and he turned violent.

Taylor was nearly dragging Christian from the elevator toward the car when Christian looked up to see that red-head that slapped him. She was getting into her car to leave. "That's her, Taylor, that woman slapped me."

"I'm sure you deserved it."

"Pffftttt, I didn't. She wanted to take me home." He laughed to loud. "I should have gone with her. I could be getting fucked right now."

"Sir, you are fucked right now." Taylor mumbled.

"You know, you are getting p…pr…pretty mouthy lately." Christian was smiling for some silly reason. His feet were feeling like lead and he was leaning more and more on Taylor. His attention then went to music that was playing somewhere. "Music…let's dance, Taylor. I'll lead."

"Sir, please…let's just get you home and I'll dance with you all night if you want. We don't want any paps getting a photo of you in this condition."

"Fucking paps!" Christian scowled. "They make my life hell."

"Yes, Sir, I know. Look we are at the car. Let's get you buckled in." Taylor was shaking his head. This had been one hell of a night. Drunken Christian was funny tonight, but Taylor knew that could change at any time. He had to pick up Christian's leg and place it in the car. Taylor grasped the seatbelt and got it buckled. With a deep and heavy sigh Taylor shut the door praying that Christian would just pass out.

Taylor went around the car to get in when he saw the red-head standing by her car with her hands on her hips and shaking her head. With his trained eye to take in everything with a sweep he saw that she had a flat-tire. He knew he couldn't leave the girl here without some assistance. He looked into the back of the Audi SUV to see that Christian was indeed passed out. Taylor locked the doors and ran over to help the girl.

"Can I be of assistance, Ma'm?" Taylor asked.

"Oh, you frightened me." She held her hand to her chest. She stepped back a few steps then she recognized this man who she was told was Grey's security. "Taylor, correct?"

"Yes, Ma'm."

"I've called Road Side Assistance already. I'm just waiting." She showed him her cell phone.

"You could wait in the Audi. I know this is a secure building, but it's still not safe for a lone woman to be here in a garage at night." He smiled trying to convey to her that he meant her no harm. He offered his hand. "Please, Miss Mueller, for my piece of mind. If I leave you here and something happens, I would never forgive myself."

"You know my name?" She asked taking his hand and following him to the SUV.

"I took care of security for the Grey/Kavanagh Wedding." Taylor unlocked the door and opened it for her and placed her in the front seat. "Don't worry about Mr. Grey, Ma'm, he is passed out."

After Taylor went around the car and climbed into the driver's seat, Sonja took a peek at the snoring Mr. Grey. She shook her head in disgust. "Does he do this much? You know get drunk?"

"At times." Taylor couldn't say much. "He's been dealing with a loss."

"Not too well I take it."

Taylor only nodded. The girl said a mouthful. Christian did not deal well with any kind of loss whether it was a business loss or personal loss. "It was a lovely wedding." He said to change the subject.

"It was lovely." She looked forward and tried to forget the drunken man behind her snoring now very loud. "Does he…Is he an alcoholic?"

"No, Ma'm. He's just having a hard time."

Sonja nodded. "I know about Ana. I mean Ana and I know each other. I know that he loved her. It's too bad that they couldn't make it work."

"Yeah, it is." Taylor said knowing how good Ana had been Christian. She made him human.

They sat in silence listening to Christian breathe heavily and mumble in his sleep. Every now and then Ana's name could be heard. The sobs then began. Sonja turned around worried that he was getting sick. She was up on her knees when she heard the retching begin. "Oh, God…he's getting sick."

"Fuck!" Taylor yelled. This night just keeps worse and worse. Jason Taylor needed a vacation!

xxxXXXxxx

Taylor sat at the breakfast bar staring into the Great Room. Christian was safely in his bed and thankfully asleep. He knew he should go to bed especially since Gail was in there waiting for him, but he wanted to make sure that Christian was really down for the count. At least they survived the wedding and all the drama. Maybe, now that Ana and Gideon will be returning to New York, Christian could finally move on. Taylor kept thinking about that Sonja Mueller. She had been a great help when Christian was puking his guts up in the SUV. She had a quiet strength about her and she already proved that she wasn't afraid of Christian. Hell, she slapped him! Taylor's mind was running with different scenarios. He knew where Sonja lived and where she worked. He also knew that she wasn't dating anyone because she came to the wedding alone and he had read her background report. She was twenty-five years old, never married, graduate of Oregon State, a clothes designer and she was a personal assistant to Mrs. Kavanagh. He actually admired the young woman who was an admitted alcoholic and had been sober for two years. She managed to turn her life around after spending two years at the bottom of a vodka bottle. After doing some research, Taylor learned that Sonja had seen her boyfriend murdered and it sent her to drinking.

"Jason, come to bed." Gail said softly as she wrapped her arms about his neck and pressed her body into his back. "It's late."

Taylor patted her arm that embraced him. "Yeah, it's been one hell of a day." He stood up, turned to her and brought her close. "All I want to do right now is bury me in you." He kissed her hard.

Christian woke up and cussed the first thing because his head felt like it was going to explode. He stumbled from his bed into the bathroom to take a leak. As he pissed he thought about the night before. Elliot was married, Ana was pregnant, and he got drunk. Yeah, that about covered it! He could taste bourbon and vomit in his mouth. He didn't remember getting sick. Hell, he didn't remember getting home last night. He tried to concentrate but all he could see was that girl that slapped him. Sonja! He remembered her. She was the little bitch who tried to take his bourbon away. "If she was here, I would beat and fuck her ass until she couldn't walk the next day!" He nearly fell over when he tried to flush so he gave up and went back to bed. He would sleep off this hangover and pray that the next time he woke up he would feel better.

The dreams were sweet. He was in a meadow with a little red-headed girl who was running through wildflowers laughing and yelling, "Catch me, Daddy! Catch me!" The dream shifted and he saw a woman with red hair standing near a window with the sun on reflecting in her beautiful long mane of hair. Did she have green eyes? Who was she? The same little girl who was running in the meadow ran to the woman calling her Mommy. Christian shot up out of bed holding his chest. "Sonja!"

Christian padded into the kitchen looking for food. He was starving. He poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the island. He knew Gail would show up soon. He heard footsteps but knew they were too heavy for Gail. He smiled weakly at Taylor.

"Good Morning, Sir." Taylor said.

"If you say so." Christian had hoped to sleep off his hangover but his plan failed. "Taylor did I ask you to dance last night?"

The big burly bodyguard blushed as he nodded. "You said you would lead."

"Fuck." He looked away embarrassed. "Did I pass out?"

"Yes, sir you did in the Audi. You also got sick everywhere so the Audi is out getting cleaned up." Taylor stood straight with his hands clasped behind his back. "There will also be a dry-cleaning charges for Miss Mueller's dress."

"What…who?"

"You got sick all over Miss Mueller last night and I said that you would want to pay for the dry-cleaning."

Christian sat up and looked around the room and into the Great Room. He pointed to upstairs. "Is she here?"

"Um…no sir." Taylor said shaking his head.

"Oh thank fuck!"

"There is one thing though…" Taylor had a small smile playing at his lips. "You still owe me a dance."

"Ha, Ha, Ha. Very funny, Jason." Christian went back to drinking his coffee. "Besides, you're not my type."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Gideon Gets His Act Together

Gideon stood at the window at his office in the Crossfire Building. He had returned from a session with Dr. Vanessa Hoover. He had decided to go with a woman therapist since he felt it would easier to discuss his childhood issues with a woman. His big hands were balled into his pants pockets. This had been a difficult session.

"Mr. Cross…Mrs. Cross is here to see you." A soft voice said.

Gideon turned as his wife came through the door. She was showing her pregnancy and finally was wearing maternity clothes. He had to smile at her. She was so damn beautiful especially as she grew rounder with his child.

"I think you should take me out for lunch." Ana declared as the door shut behind her. Her blue eyes were twinkling. "I am hungry for something sweet."

Gideon had to laugh. "Desert first, my love." He went to her and embraced her then his hand went to her round belly. "How is my son?"

"Kicking up a storm today." Ana placed her purse on Gideon's desk. She was almost seven months along. "We still have to decide on some names."

"We have two more months." Gideon took Ana's hand and led her to a chair. "We also have to get the nursery finished."

"I still like the name Timothy."

"Timmy Cross…uhhh….I don't think so." Gideon shook his head. He sat next to her and held her hand.

"Alright, Gideon what name would you like?"

"I like the name Michael or Brendon."

"How about Matthias?"

Gideon considered the name. "I actually like that name. Matthias Raymond Cross." He bent down and kissed his beautiful wife. His hand automatically went to her bump. His child was kicking around in there. "So, is it Matthias for our son?"

"I love it, but his name is Matthias not Matt or Matty." She said as she rolled her head stretching her neck muscles. "How was your session today?"

Gideon sat on the edge of his desk and looked down at his crossed ankles. "Difficult."

"Oh, sweetie…why didn't you call me? I would have come over earlier." She looked up at him with love and concern for this man that she adored.

"Dr. Hoover thinks that I should confront…him…but I don't know if I can without violence."

Ana pursed her lips in thought. She hated what he had suffered through as a child. She understood his fear that he wouldn't be able to control himself and that his abuser would end up dead by his hand. "Maybe if the Doctor went with you?" She offered.

"At one time I thought about having the monster killed, but now…" He motioned to her and their baby. "I have too much to lose."

Ana stood up and stepped into his embrace. She was hugged into his chest and his chin was resting on top of her head. "Don't do anything that will take you away from me and Matthias. I love you Gideon and I want to grow old with you."

Gideon rubbed her back gently making circles down her spine. "I won't. My life with you and our child is more important than revenge, but I do need to confront the beast. This has to end. I can't afford to ever hurt you."

"Listen, I understand. You have shit stuck in this handsome head that I can't even fathom. I know that you don't want to hurt me in any way." She looked up at him with tears welling in her blue eyes. "If I could take this pain from you I would."

"I know, Goddess." He lightly kissed her sweet lips. "You do give me great pleasure though and you gave me the greatest gift ever…your love." His blue eyes darken as he gazed upon the woman who completed his life. He had everything he ever wanted, a safe place in the heart of a person that loved him in spite of his past. "So, you want desert first before lunch?"

Ana bit her lower lip knowing that her "desert" was close at hand. "Gideon, I always want desert."

He growled as he reached behind and hit the button on his desk that automatically locked the door. "So, Mrs. Cross…you have me locked in this office…what will you do with me? I am at your mercy."

Ana giggled as she tugged at his tie with one hand and cupped his sex with the other. "At my mercy you say? Hmmmm….I think I can figure out a few things to do with you…to you."

"Ana." He whispered as his heart began to beat wildly. His hands went to her bottom and squeezed her softly. "I love your body."

"Mmmm, I love your body." She murmured against the exposed of his skin as she worked the tie and the buttons of his shirt. "You taste so good." She licked over his collar bone then kissed his pecs and very hard male nipples. Her hands went to his belt buckle and unfastened it then worked on the buttons and zipper of his pants. Her hand slid beneath his boxer briefs and grasped onto his already rigid cock. "Mr. Cross, already?"

"You keep me in constant arousal, Mrs. Cross." He kissed her forehead then dipped his head to capture her lips in a slow, luscious kiss. "I think you are now the overdressed one."

"Do you really think that?" She whispered taking his hand and leading it up her silk-clad legs to the apex of her thighs. His vivid blue eyes blazed in joy when he realized she wore nothing under her maternity dress except a garterbelt.

"Mrs. Cross, I am shocked." He said with fake horror. "What would your husband say?"

She smiled wickedly at him. "He would say that you are one lucky son-a-bitch to have me."

"Mmmm, woman, that I am." He picked her up and placed her on his desk. He snapped open her thighs and went to his knees. "This is mine, all mine, for the rest of my life." He kissed her thighs then began to lick her swollen folds then sucking each quivering "lip" until she cried out in pleasure. His fingers were inside her stroking her slowly as he began to nibble on her clit, sucking and licking the throbbing nob. When she came she coated his hand and face as her cries filled the room. "Oh, my sweet girl…how sweet you taste." He licked her clean savoring her womanly juices. Before she could come down from her orgasm he was inside her with his hard, thick cock building another orgasm. His strokes were slow, steady, and deep. She held onto his biceps, digging her nails into his skin.

"Gideon." She breathed. "Sweetheart…yes…oh sweet lord…yes." Her hands slid up his arms into his hair and pulled the ebony locks. "Yes, Gideon, more…give me more."

Gideon growled as his strokes came faster and she was moved from his hard thrusts. He held her in place as he took her over and over. "Come for me, Ana. Give it to me." His voice was deep and demanding. He was straining so hard that the veins in his throat bulged out. "Now. ANA!"

She arched her back and wrapped her legs about his waist. She threw her head back biting her lip to not to yell out in her abandonment of her senses. She moaned as her orgasm came hard.

"Oh…Gideon…yes…" She groaned. She fell apart under him trusting him to catch her. His hands moved from her hips to where he was holding her over her belly and chest. His long fingers entwined into her hair as he pumped harder into her. "Yes!"

Gideon felt his body tense then release as he came deep and hard in his wife's hot, tight body. She never failed to satisfy him. He held her head between his hands as he kissed her passionately. "I love you, Ana." He whispered upon her lips. "I love you so much."

Her big blue eyes stared lovingly up at him. She knew he had problems but she loved this flawed man. He was not perfect. He had a hot temper that could scare the devil out of hell, but she was the one who got to witness the other side of Gideon. The Gideon who would use every resource he had to make her happy. No one knew that Gideon spent hours holding his wife and rubbing the baby bump where his son slept. Ana knew this man better than anyone, but she also knew she didn't know all his secrets. "You are my everything, Gideon. I never want to know a day where you are not with me." She kissed him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. "Never leave me."

"Goddess, if I left you I would be the stupidest man that ever walked this earth." He noticed the tears in her eyes. "Honey, did I hurt you?" She shook her head. "Then, why the tears?"

"Our lovemaking was so intense, so raw, yet so beautiful and delicious. I am crying happy tears because you are my husband."

Gideon's blue eyes soften as he looks down over her beautiful face. "You have made me so happy, Ana. I never thought I could have such happiness in my life. I figured I would spend the rest of my life just drifting between one night stands and lonely nights. Then, you come into my life and I began to live. Now we are married and we have a baby on the way. I don't know what I've done to ever deserve this, but I'm glad that I did it."

Ana reached up and captured his mouth with her own. "Gideon, you are a good man and that goodness is what has brought us together." Her hands rested on his shoulders and she kept her legs wrapped around his waist. Her eyes grew when she felt him begin to grow inside her. "Sweetie, do I feel something between my legs?" She asked coyly.

Gideon laughed as he began to gently move. "It seems my little friend likes to be inside you and doesn't want to leave." His deep baritone voice made Ana moan as she pulled him closer with her legs. "Goddess, you do keep me hard all the time."

Ana was asleep looking as if she was an angel. He stood over the bed watching her. He was afraid to go to sleep since he revisited his childhood nightmare during their session today. What if he tried to hurt her again? She was pregnant with their baby. He would rather have his arms cut off then to ever hurt this gorgeous woman who brought love and joy into his life. He did not have enough faith in the medication to keep him asleep and to keep her safe. She moaned lightly as she rolled over onto her side and curled up in the fetal position cradling her bump. Even in her sleep she protected their baby, their son. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently stroked her long silky hair. "I love you, Anastasia. I will face these demons for you and our son."

Three weeks later, Gideon is waiting outside a building waiting and watching. A well-dressed man approached Gideon's Bentley and waited silently as Angus opened the door for him. The man slid into the backseat with Gideon.

"Cross. I was shocked to receive your summons." The man said. He looked up and down the very large and muscular man that sat before him. There was still a trace of the small boy that Gideon used to be upon his face. It was those eyes. Still that magnetic sapphire blue that cut like a razor!

"Are you still raping little boys?"

The man's gasp filled the back of the car. "I never raped you. We have gone through this over and over again. It was just a figment of your imagination caused by the grief of your father's suicide."

"Is that what you told my mother to keep her from believing me?" Gideon held his hands tightly clasped together to keep from beating the hell out of the man. "Do you understand the damage you have caused me?" Gideon looked ahead. "I am married with a child on the way. There are nights that I can't sleep beside my wife because of night terrors. I act out in my sleep the hell you put me through."

"You…"

"Just fucking admit it, Doctor. You molested me when you were hired to help me deal with my father's suicide. You misused the trust my mother put in you and turned her against me."

The man was nervous. He had lost control of the boy. "Admit it, and I might let you live."

"I can't. I …" His heart was beating wildly against his chest. He felt that familiar tightness in his chest that he knew so well from the last heart attack he suffered over a year ago. "I need to go to the hospital…it's my heart."

"Then, I guess you are going to die."

"Yes, I did it. I molested you…uhgg…the pain." He grabbed his chest and slumped over. "You …were so pretty…those eyes…I …oh god…uggg…I wanted you…I couldn't stop myself."

"How many others?" The man slumped forward and fell against the back of the front passenger seat.

"Twenty…twenty-five…I don't know."

Gideon never thought this would happen so easy. He guessed the karma was a bitch. "Angus. Drive us to Mount Sinai…he's having a heart attack." The Bentley roared off into traffic. Gideon's eyes watched the man suffer. "You will turn yourself in if you actually survive this, do you understand?"

"You can't prove anything." The Doctor coughed but the pains in his chest worsen.

"That is where you are wrong, Dr. Lennox. Your confession was recorded and transmitted to the proper officials as well as the Board of Psychology. You should probably just die; it will be easier for you."

"I was sick…I got help." Dr. Victor Lennox lost consciousness. His mouth slacked opened. Gideon felt nothing as he watched the man that had raped him repeatedly suffered in the back of his car. He didn't care if the man lived or die, either way he had his revenge. He had closure. The Bentley rolled to a stop at the emergency entrance and Angus was running around the car and opened the door as orderlies raced out to meet them. Gideon heard Angus tell the orderlies who this man was and that he was having a heart attack. After Lennox was taken from his car, Gideon had Angus drive him home to Ana.

Gideon didn't say a word as he walked into their condo. Ana was in the TV/family room watching television. He pulled her out of her sitting position and hugged her close. "Mrs. Cross, I love you."

"Oh, Gideon, I love you also." She wrapped her arms about his neck and kissed him softly. "We have an hour before dinner is ready. We could go to the bedroom."

"Why, Anastasia Rose Steele Cross, are you propositioning me?" He asked in a mocking voice.

"Yes. I want to fuck you." She growled into his ear then sucked on his earlobe which made his cock twitch. She was carried to their bedroom and quickly relieved of her clothing. She stood on her knees on the bed and pulled at his clothing. "You are overdressed for our little party, Gideon."

The feel of her hands against his skin healed his battered and abused soul. In her eyes he was a good man. She saw love and adoration when she gazed upon him. He knew she would never use him. With Ana, Gideon was always safe. He needed to be inside her. He toed off his shoes and ripped off his socks. She had his shirt off and worked on his belt and trousers. Within a few moments he stood naked before her with a rigid throbbing cock. Her hands glided over the sensitive skin of his cock. His head fell back as she jacked him off then bent down to take him into her warm wet mouth. Gideon loved to watch her as she orally pleased him. He was in awe in her skills. "Fuck Ana, I'm going to cum if you don't back off." He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up onto his chest. "I need to come inside that sweet pussy of yours."

Her blue eyes were glossy with need, desire, and lust. "I need to feel every inch of you, Gideon."

They moved to the middle of their king-size bed. Gideon's mouth fell upon her left nipple and suckled as his hand went between her legs to caress her clit and soft folds. She moaned and arched into him. His tongue swirled around her nipple making it stand erect and become hard. His teeth grazed over the nipple making her sigh in pleasure. His mouth moved to the other breast and performed the same service for it. She was panting for him.

"You are so wet for me already, Goddess." He whispered onto her lips and then kissed her deeply. "I need to make you cum on my tongue, my love." He kissed down the silky slender column of her neck, trailing kisses over her clavicle onto the swell of her breasts. His hands stroke over her baby bump and with his lips following. He settled between her legs, spreading her soft pink folds and licked the length of her. He worked his magic tongue on her until she was screaming her release and soaking his face with her love juices. He lapped up her sweetness and worked on the sensitive throbbing nub of her clit sending her once again over the cliff. He kissed her pink folds then over her thighs. Silently he rolled her over onto her side and took her gently from behind. He held one of her legs erect as he plunged faster and deeper into her but being careful not to hurt her. Ana gripped onto the bottom sheet as she moaned and groaned out her pleasures. "Goddess, you are so tight, so wet….so sweet. I love you, darling. I love you so much!" He kissed her as her head turned to him. They both were sweating as they rocked together on their sides. "I can feel you…you are so close, Ana…so close."

"Oh, god, Gideon…oh…yes…Yes…right there…more…oh please more." She cried. She could feel every inch of his massive length as his cock slide in and out of her. He was stretching her but she loved the feeling. She chased the orgasm into a burst of fireworks. She lost her breath and her head began to spin. She was falling so fast and all she could do was cry out his name and let the orgasm flow over her and take over every inch of her body. She whimpered as he kept moving inside her.

"Knees." He said moving her into another position while still inside her. He didn't miss a stroke as he kept fucking her. He grabbed her hips and pushed even harder and farther into her. In another few strokes he was lost in a frenzy as her vagina clinched and squeezed him. "Oh, Ana…Anastasia…I'm coming…oh..my…god!" The sweat was rolling down his the bridge of his nose as he rubbed out his orgasm inside her. "My sweetheart, my beautiful wife." He murmured more sweet lovings to her. He withdrew from her slowly and gently then lay next to her and snuggled her into his chest. He kept kissing her shoulder and exposed neck. "You make me so happy."

"Oh, Gideon that was more than wonderful…there are no words to describe how that felt. One of these days you are going to make me faint from orgasms like that."

"You go ahead and faint Goddess, I will always catch you." He promised. "I will always catch you, Ana. I love you so much."


	24. Chapter 24: I Can't Let Go

Chapter 24: I Can't Let Go

Christian stood in the middle of his living room checking and rechecking his wristwatch. She is late and he hates late. They shared a few lunch dates and spoke on the phone but tonight was a dinner date. Gail made some chicken dish and the wine was on ice. He looked to his watch one more time. Maybe Sonja changed her mind. He should have sent a car for her instead of letting her drive to Escala. He looked around the room. Everything was in place, flowers, candles, wine glasses and the paperwork. He would give her the same NDA and contract that he offered all the other subs. He didn't know if she would accept his offer, but he had hope. He knew he couldn't offer her what he gave to Ana. As lovely as Sonja was, she wasn't Ana. She was fun to be with. But, he would always love Ana. He would never let anyone in as he let her.

Sonja stood before him reading through the contract. She already signed the NDA before they sat down to a meal. She shook her head and handed the contract back to him.

"You are one sick son-of-a-bitch." She whispered to him. "I would never let you or anyone treat me like this. Did you try this shit with Ana? No wonder she left you." Sonja looked at him like he was the devil incarnate. "Good bye, Mr. Grey."

Christian let her go. There were other women and he knew where to look for Subs. If he couldn't have Ana, he didn't want anything else from a woman except contracts, terms, and their submission. He stood before the floor to ceiling windows and stared out at the night skyline of Seattle.

"I will always love you, Ana. Always." He whispered. He closed his eyes. He could still see her smiling, smell her delicate special scent that drove him crazy and her taste was still embedded in his memory. He would have a string of subs and wait for her to return to him. He could only love one woman and that woman lived in New York City with her husband awaiting the birth of their first child.

Sonja sat in her car in the basement garage of Escala. She couldn't believe that Christian Grey, ultra-rich and ultra-handsome, was in the BDSM lifestyle. She couldn't believe that he thought she would accept his offer. Sonja started her car and pulled out into Seattle traffic and made a decision to forget Christian Grey and move on with her life.

Kate began to laugh and cry at the same time. She yelled for Elliot.

"What is it?" Elliot asked as he stepped out of their kitchen.

"It's Gideon. Ana's in labor."

"Oh, my god." Elliot began to laugh. They had just returned from New York City and he couldn't believe how big and beautiful Ana was. Even pregnant, that woman only got more beautiful. "We left too soon."

"She is dilated four so it can take a few more hours." Ana informed her husband. Her hand went to her own little baby bump. She was going into her second trimester.

Elliot took the phone from his wife. "Gideon, give that little girl a big hug and kiss from me. Tell her that Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate will be sending gifts." He laughed as Gideon laughed.

Kate took the phone back. "Hey, I will keep the phone on me. Call us when Matthias is born and take tons of pics." They hung up and she turned to her handsome husband. "Ana's having her baby."

Elliot lost his smile. "Oh, god…Christian. When he learns about this he will probably start drinking again."

Gideon paced and then he sat. When the contractions came faster and longer he stood beside the bed and held his wife's hand and massaged her back. Ten hours later she was completely dilated and ready to push.

"Now, Ana…I want you to push." Dr. Lanie Wright said as she positioned herself between Ana's legs. "Gideon you give her all the support she needs. You practiced this in Lamaze classes. Push, Ana…one…two…three…four…five…breathe. Okay…again…take a deep breath and push…one…two…three…four…five … six…seven…eight…nine…ten…breathe." The doctor looked up at the monitors and then back to the parents with a smile. "We are doing fine, kids. Another big push, Ana…you are getting closer…I can see the head…take a big breathe, push Ana…one…two…three…STOP" The doctor stood kicking her wheeled stool across the room. "Don't push, Ana."

Ana screamed in pain as the contractions came one right after another. "I have to push." She cried.

"Don't push, Ana…let me take care of the cord." Dr. Wright moved quickly to dislodge the umbilical cord from around Baby Cross's neck." She nodded at the nurse to have the oxygen ready. "Okay, Ana…this is it. PUSH! Keep pushing…the shoulders are coming….oh…look at all that black hair…push Ana…one more hon…You can do it."

Ana bore down and screamed as she gave all her might for the big push. As the baby pass through, Ana fell back on Gideon. Her long dark hair was plastered to her head and sweat beads ran down between her breasts.

The sound of a baby's cries filled the room. Gideon was pale but he smiled with tears in his eyes when Dr. Wright presented the baby after giving him a few puffs of oxygen. The baby was placed on Ana's belly. "Hey, Daddy, you want to cut the cord." Dr. Wright handed the scissors to Gideon. "Just cut between the clamps." Gideon cut through the spongy material that tethered mother and son. One of the nurses wrapped a warmed receiving blanket around the little dark haired baby and placed him into his mother's arms.

Ana was crying when she gazed upon the face of her and Gideon's son. Matthias Raymond Cross was born with a head-full of black hair. He was his father's son. Anyone who gazed at the newborn knew that Gideon Cross was the father of this baby.

Kate was screaming in joy and jumping around the kitchen of her home. "She's delivered!" Kate declared stepping into the living room to tell Elliot. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Christian standing in the foyer speaking to Elliot. "Oh, hello Christian." She said lowly.

"Kate." He said sternly. He could read the animosity in her eyes that she felt for him. "You are looking well." Her hand went to her baby bump as if protecting her precious child from his evilness. "I just needed to run a few things past Elliot."

"You could have called." She said lowly. Her heart was racing in excitement and she wanted to tell her husband that their godson had been born. "Elliot when you are done, find me. We have things to discuss."

"This won't take long, Kate." Christian offered. He didn't exactly hate Kate; he just found everything about her annoying. He didn't know how his older brother could live with this demanding female. She was the original ball-buster!

Elliot sighed in relief when Christian left. He found his wife in the kitchen eating. "So…what is it?"

"Ana and Gideon had their little boy, Matthias Raymond Cross. He weighed 8lbs and 10 oz, measured 21 inches long and Gideon says he has a head full of black hair and blue eyes." Kate had tears in her eyes. "We are godparents, Elliot. They want us to be godparents to Matthias."

Elliot gathered his wife into his arms. He knew these were happy tears and of course, her hormones were wild. "You know we are going to have to figure out baby names."

"Ava Rose for a girl." She said. "You can choose the boys' name, but I know we are having a girl."

"I like the name Conner for a boy." He gave her a gentle kiss. "I take it that Ana and baby are fine."

"Gideon says she is perfect as always, his exact words." Kate looked up into her husband's loving eyes. "He loves her so much. I still can't believe she is with him…I always thought she would come back to Christian."

"As much as I love my brother, he's so screwed up." Elliot held his wife close. "Ana is happy with Gideon and he can give her everything she needs and wants. I don't think Christian could do that with all his issues. It's best that Ana found Gideon."

"Gideon says that Ana wants to bring the baby to Montesano to be baptized in her childhood church. They will get back to us on the dates and times."

"So, they are coming back with their child. Maybe if we are lucky, Christian will be out of the state."

Gideon stood in front of the nursery and gazed upon his black haired son. _Holy Fuck! I'm a father. I'm someone's Dad. This little person depends on me to keep him safe and to keep his mother happy. Oh, Ana…our son is so beautiful! My heart is so full…I am happy. _Gideon placed his head against the glass. Their son was perfect. He smiled. This was the greatest day of his life. His phone starts to vibrate and he answers it.

"Hello." His voice is deep and full of emotion.

"Gideon, it's Ireland. Kate called me…why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry, Ireland…I'm just a little bit off today. Come down to the hospital. You need to meet your nephew."

"How's Ana? Is she alright?"

His swarthy smile only grew. "My beautiful wife is perfect. She's resting right now."

"Congratulations, Gideon. I am so happy for you and Ana." Ireland stated with a small sob. She was amazed how happy her oldest brother was. "Can I tell Mom?"

"If you must."

"Gideon…"

"Listen, tell Mom, but I don't want her here. I don't want Ana upset."

Gideon hung up before Ireland could start to argue with him. He had his reasons to keep his mother away from Ana and Matthias. He didn't trust her. He would never entrust that woman with his child. She couldn't protect him from a child molester nor would she believe him when he begged for help. He would never let her put his son in danger. He went back to the window and stared at his son. "Matthias, I love you so much and I swear no one will ever hurt you. No one!"


	25. Chapter 25: We are Moving On, You and Me

**A/N: I received a few moans and groans about Ana moving too fast into Gideon's arms. I don't think that this so called "guest reviewer" knows how to read, because it took Ana awhile to become Gideon's lover. Go back and really read the story again…she met Gideon in November and they didn't become lovers until New Year's Day (Eve). The person also moaned and groaned that my Ana was nothing like the original…well, DUH, this is Fan Fiction and this is a story about Ana and Gideon. This is my Ana, and if I want her to be a hiking, horse riding, Blake Shelton fan, gun-loving, pick-up truck driving little bitch, then I can. If you want the same story go back and read the "Fifty Shades", but don't come on here bitching as a guest. I have no respect for flamers who hide behind the guest sign-on and if I was running FF, guests could never leave a review; only signed-on members would have that privilege! **

**Now, that I have said my peace and I am feeling lighter than air, here's the rest of the story. This may be the final chapter (still undecided) of Cross Passions. I might do a sequel someday, but I want to finish the "Sisters" story and concentrate on The Management of Christian Grey. I hope you like the twists and turns and I am sure the ending will blow you away! Have fun in my Playroom!**

Chapter 25: We Are Moving On, You and Me!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Christian stomped through the halls of GEH pissed off at the world. He was sexually frustrated, frustrated in business, and life was just a damn frustration. He turned around a corner and ran into a pregnant woman. He caught her before she fell on her ass, but the papers that she carried were scattered about the hall. He sighed heavily and thought if he saw one more pregnant woman he was going to scream. There had been an outbreak of pregnancy in Seattle. He saw pregnant women when he rode to and from work and anytime he was a family event, there was Kate in her second trimester. All she talked about was her pregnancy and of course, she had to talk about her godson, Matthias Cross. He was tired of hearing about the kid that should have been his. Ana should be having his children, sleeping in his bed, kissing his lips, fucking and loving him. Christian knew he was obsessed with Ana. He needed to know about her. He still received Google alerts about her. He read the birth announcement on Google, but no pictures were uploaded. He saw a picture of the boy when he was just a few hours when Ana sent one to Kate in a text message. His sister-in-law made it her screen saver of her phone. After seeing that image, he had went to his usual haunt and rented a sub for a few hours. Beating and fucking the woman did nothing to soothe his troubled heart.

He made it back to his office without screaming at every person that had the misfortune to cross his path. He slammed the door and then threw himself on the sofa. He hated his job at the moment. He closed his eyes and was about to go to sleep when someone walked into his office. He opened one eye then the other to see a headful of red hair. Sonja! He sat up quickly.

"You look like hell." Sonja declared and then she shut the door. "Taylor called me and said that you were drinking more and more."

Christian rose to his full height. "I take it you came to save me. You've wasted your time. As you can see I am not drinking."

"How many did you have last night?" She walked further into the room.

"Not enough." He said looking down at her. "You probably should leave. I'm not good company."

Sonja saw pain and anger in this man. "Why?"

"Just fuck off, Sonja. I'm not in the mood to be twelve-stepped today." He went to his office chair and plopped down.

"I take it you're pissed because Ana had her baby." Sonja took in his office. It was clean and stark with white walls, black furniture, and floor to ceiling windows that showcased a beautiful view of Seattle. The one bit of color in the office was a very large color photograph of Ana's face. It appears that she is in deep thought. It is a beautiful photograph of a beautiful woman. "You have to get over her, Grey. She's not coming back. She's married, happily married to Gideon and they have a child together."

"I know this…but I keep hoping."

"What are you hoping for? You think she is going to leave her child and husband? Do you not know this woman?"

"Of course, I know Ana. I was her first lover. I know what she needs…and she needs me. She will figure it out soon. Cross cannot give her what I can give her."

Sonja shook her head. This man is delusional. Christian Grey needed help! "Christian, you …she isn't coming back."

"Yes, SHE IS!" He jumped to his feet. He swept everything off his desk. "She will come back to me." He was raging and breathing hard. "She has to…I can't live without her."

"Christian." Sonja finally approached him. She timidly touched his shoulder. "What can I do to help?"

He began to laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh, but eerie, mechanical, and diabolical. "Fuck me." He demanded. "You want to help me, let me fuck you like I used to fuck her." He pointed to Ana's picture. "I used to fuck her anywhere and anytime I wanted. She loved it. She loved me." His eyes were burning with need. "She fucked me in here. We fucked in limos, elevators, living rooms, my office at home, and the kitchen, anywhere we wanted."

"You are not fucking me, Christian. I'm not Ana." She stepped away from him. "Please, let us get you some help."

"I don't need help." With two strides, Christian has Sonja in his arms. He doesn't kiss her, but his hands roam and squeeze her ass cheeks. "I want you, Sonja. I know you're not her, but I do want you."

"I will not be a Sub for you. I don't know if Ana was…."

"No, she was never my Sub…if anything…I was hers." He let her go. "I'm fucked up. I want her so much…I want you…I want to hurt someone…anyone…but I don't."

"Christian, let me you take you to Dr. Flynn's. You need more help than what I can give you as a friend."

Carrick and Grace sat quietly holding hands as Dr. Flynn explained to them why he suggested that Christian admit himself into a private hospital. "Mr. and Mrs. Grey, this is a very discreet and private facility. Christian will get the best care available without anyone knowing."

Carrick was having a problem believing that. His son was the subject of many tabloid papers and television shows. "If he is missing from work…"

"Actually, GEH has released a press statement stating that Christian is leaving for Europe for business in the next few days. Roz will be taking the helm at GEH while Christian is in treatment." John knew that Carrick and Grace were having a hard time accepting the fact that their son had experienced a breakdown. "Christian cannot accept the fact that he lost Ana and that she has moved on. The birth of her baby sent Christian into a tailspin. He needs time and therapy to help him move on."

"I knew he was hurting over their breakup, but…I never thought…he's so strong." Grace was crying.

"Why did they breakup? Neither Christian or Ana would fully explain." Carrick asked trying to understand this situation.

"I am torn about telling you this because I could be accused of breaking patient confidentiality, but for you to understand and hopefully help your son through this ordeal; I am going to risk it. Ana left Christian because she could not forgive him for cheating on her and when he wouldn't leave her alone she fled to New York City. Chances are if Christian would have practiced patience and gave her time, she might have forgiven him and they would be married now." He took a breath. "But, we will never know because Ana is happily married with a child."

Grace held onto her husband's hands for support. "My poor baby boy. He never was patient and he hates to be told no."

"He needs to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat." Carrick said rather harshly. He was a no-nonsense kind of person and saw his son as being a fool to take a woman like Ana Steele for granted. She had been the best thing for him.

"Cary."

"No, Grace, it's time for us to stop coddling him. He's a grown man now. He has to face the consequences of his actions. He fucked up and lost the best thing in the world and now he is whining around like a baby because he was told no. I'm sorry, but I cannot condone such behavior. We didn't raise him to be this way."

"Cary, Christian has always been difficult…"

"Still no excuse, Grace." Carrick stood up. "Of course, I will be here to help him but I will not feed his obsession with Ana."

"And, that's exactly what he needs. Christian believes that she is going to leave her husband and child for him. He needs time, rest, and therapy to help him get over this relationship and hopefully he will be able to move on in his life and be happy."

xxxXXXxxx

Matthias Cross was eight weeks old when he was baptized in the same small town church as his mother. Ireland Vidal, Kate and Elliot, and Mia and Ethan were named Godparents. Ana smiled up at Gideon as their son was baptized and he didn't make a sound. Afterwards, a celebration was planned by Kate and Mia at the local Eagle's Lodge with a seat down meal. Ana's parents were in attendance, but Gideon's mother and step-father were absent. Ana and Gideon cooed and fussed over their son that made Carla and Ray smile. They both had reservations about Ana marrying Gideon, especially so soon after Christian, but they had to admit that their Ana made a good decision. Gideon made Ana happy. They never saw her so happy and relaxed like this when she was with Christian.

Ray approached his son-in-law after Ana took Matthias for a change and a feeding. "He is a fine boy, Gideon, and you have made my Annie so happy. I've never seen her so happy and relaxed before."

Gideon only nodded. He knew that the jury was out about him with Ray. Ana informed him that Ray and Christian had connected over fishing. Ray never knew about Christian's alternative lifestyle and what he did to Ana in the year that they were together. "Ana is a special lady who should be happy. I love her, Ray. I would do anything to keep her happy; I would even kill for her to keep her and my son safe."

Ray offered his hand in friendship to Gideon. "I see we think in the same way. So, Ana tells me you like to fish and hunt…."

Ana had to smile as she watched her father and husband sitting off in a corner having a drink and talking. The way Ray was using his hand gestures she knew that they were talking fishing. This was wonderful. Her Dad and Husband were getting along. She patted Matthias's back gently. She was blessed with wonderful males in her life, from her Dad to her son.

"He's such a good baby." Ireland said as she stood next to Ana. "Mom would like to see him."

Ana lost her smile. "Uh, that would be a no." She said sternly.

"She is his grandmother."

"No, Carla is his grandmother. Elizabeth Vidal, per Gideon's instructions is not to have access to our son."

Ireland rolled her eyes. "I don't understand."

"You should speak to Gideon about this."

"Why, you are the boy's mother."

Ana turned on her sister-in-law with fire in her eyes. "Yes, I am his mother and I am also Gideon's wife. I happen to respect my husband's wishes." She stepped toward Ireland which made the young woman step back. "Do not ever try to over-ride my husband's decisions."

Ireland's eyes grew wide and she felt a little afraid of Ana for the first time. "I don't mean…oh God, Ana…I never meant that…please forgive me."

"Gideon has his reasons and I respect him and those decisions. I suggest you do the same." With that, Ana walked away. She completely understood why Gideon wished to cut ties with his mother. She never protected him. She was not trustworthy enough to protect Matthias. Ana went to her husband and leaned down and kissed his cheek. He smiled up at her with those intense electric blue eyes that melted her heart and gave her a sense of peace and security. "Our boy is getting tired, Gideon."

"Naptime?"

She laughed and nodded. "For both of us, I think." She turned to her Dad. "Thanks Dad for letting us stay with you."

"Not a problem, my sweet girl. It's not the Fairmont or Heathman, but it's home."

"It's perfect." Gideon added. He stood and wrapped his arm about Ana's waist. "I hope Matthias didn't keep you up last night. He was a bit fussy."

"Just growing pains. You should have seen this one…Annie was a night owl especially when teething." Ray said making his little girl blush and roll her eyes.

"Ok, that's enough of telling secrets about me." She gave her Dad a kiss. "Thank you Daddy for everything. I'll see you later at home."

Mia and Kate smiled at each other as Gideon ushered his family out of the Lodge. "He's good to her." Kate declared nodding.

"Yeah, but this is killing Christian. He still loves her." Mia sighed heavily.

"I thought he was dating Sonja now."

"They are, but he's still in love with Ana. I think he will always be."

"That's not fair to Sonja." Kate said lowly. She did like Sonja and did not want her hurt in anyway because of Christian. Mia only shrugged her shoulders. "I guess Sonja knows what she is doing."

"Let's hope. I really like her and as much as I love my brother, he is fucked up." Mia declared. She looked around the large room. "Well, we better get this cleaned up."

Gideon was taking off his shirt as he glazed upon his wife who sat in a rocker in her childhood bedroom nursing their son. "He's hungry again?"

"I think he is just needing some reassurance. He's had a big week from flying for the first time, meeting new people and then the baptism. Of course, he's not sleeping in his own bed. He's just a little put out."

"I like the way he reassures himself." Gideon's eyes swept over the exposed breast that his son was attached to. "He is my son."

Ana had to laugh. "That he is." Her own eyes swept over her husband's naked torso. She never got tired of looking at him. His body was perfection with well-defined abs, muscular pecs and arms, a flat stomach, and that delectable "v" that pointed towards his groin where she knew lived great pleasure. She licked her lips thinking about making love to him. They had not reestablished their sex life yet and she wanted her husband. They were given the all clear to resume sexual relations, but Gideon was worried that with his size that he would hurt her. He had to be sure that she was completely healed before he made love to her, and he was also concerned about birth control. He wanted her on the shot for at least a month before they made love. "You know it's been one month exactly." She informed him with a sly, sexy smile.

One dark eyebrow rose. "Hmmm, so you say." He drawled lowly as he bent over her. "Is my wife trying to tell me something?"

"Yes, she is. She is saying that she loves you more than life itself and wants to be with you."

"Oh, god, Ana." He breathed. His pants were instantly tightened. "I want you also, but we are at your father's home."

She chuckled merrily. "I'm sure he has figured out that we have sex." She nodded toward their son. "Or how do you explain this little man?"

"You and that smart aleck mouth of yours." He kissed her softly. "I guess I am going to have to find a way to keep it quiet."

"Mmmm, Gideon, you make my mouth water." She softly said upon his lips. "We can shower together as soon as Matthias is done."

The water was hot and flowed over their bodies as they embraced and kissed. Gideon's hands roamed over her body, exploring and relearning the new delicious curves of her body. Her kisses were so sweet, so deep and so loving. Gideon was lost in his wife. She was everything he ever dreamed about or ever needed. "Ana, I love you so much."

"Oh, Gideon…I do love you." She wrapped herself about his waist. "My heart beats only for you."

xxxXXXxxx

Sonja sat up in bed with the sheets wrapped under her arms. She slanted her head to the side to watch Christian as he dressed for work. She smiled. He had been out of the hospital for almost two months. She stood beside him during his treatment and she began to feel for him. A month ago she admitted to herself that she loved him and they became lovers.

"Are you watching me and liking what you see, Miss Mueller." Christian said as he pulled his linen shirt on.

"Of course, you are poetry in motion." She sat up on her knees. "Do you want me here this evening or should I go to my apartment?"

Christian considered her for a moment. "You ask me that every morning and it's the same answer. I want you here. I don't see why you don't move in."

"We have just become lovers, Christian." She gave him a sly look. "I don't want to crowd you."

"You don't." He buttoned his shirt and pushed the tails into his grey trousers. "I like you Sonja and I like your company. You give me peace." He smiled at her. "And, the sex is wonderful also."

"Even though…"

"Even though we don't do that." He finished for her. "I am happy, Sonja. For the first time in over a year, I am actually happy."

"She's back you know. Are you going to see her?" She was gripping the sheet so tight that her hands turned white.  
"Nope." He popped the "p" for emphasis. "There's no need to see her." He strolled over in his cat-like way and sat down beside her. "I am over her."

"Are you sure?"

"Sonja, I am done with Ana Steele Cross. She will always have a special moment in my past, but that is where she is at…in my past." He reached out and touched her smooth face. He looked over her beautiful face that had a sparkle of light freckles across the bridge of her nose. She was so charmingly Irish with her ivory skin and all that red hair. "We have a chance for a future. Don't you want that?"

"Only if I'm not the consolation prize." She replied with her green eyes searching his face. "I do like you…more than I should."

"More than you should?" Christian smirked with his ornery eyes sparkling. "Hmm…are you in love with me, Miss Mueller?"

"Of course, what woman isn't?" The minute she said it, Sonja regretted her choice of words. "I am in love with you, Christian, but I don't think you are in love with me."

Christian reached over and kissed her. "You couldn't be more wrong, Sonja Lynn Mueller. I do love you and someday you will be mine completely. Just give me time to get my life back in order with the business and of course, the family."

Sonja nodded. His family loved him so much that they practiced "tough love" on him. They refused to give into his temper tantrums, much like she did, but he thought that they didn't love him. "Christian, your family loves you. They only did what the doctors recommended."

Christian heard what she was saying but he still had to make up to his family for being so difficult. He also had to make peace with the woman who gave him a life to be proud of. He felt bad that he lied to Sonja that he wasn't going to see Ana, but the meeting was scheduled. He had to have closure and this was the perfect time. Ana and Cross were in Seattle for a Coping Together event and Ana did not ignore his request for this meeting. He gave Sonja another quick kiss then finished getting dressed. "So, you will be here after work?"

Sonja laid back into the soft sheets and smiled. "Of course."

The meeting was scheduled for noon at the Mile High Club. Ana arrived first and was taken to Christian's private table. She ordered her usual hot tea which she sipped on while reading her emails while waiting for Christian. She felt him before she saw him. As always her body reacted to her first lover but not with the same fire and strength as before. It was like a learned behavior. She smiled up at him feeling no malice toward the man. At one time, he was the love of her life and he did teach her so much about sex, making love, and life. Yes, a part of her was sad that they couldn't go the distance, but if they hadn't broken up she wouldn't be with Gideon and have Matthias.

Christian didn't realize he was holding his breath until she smiled at him. He relaxed seeing that there was no hate or ill will in her eyes. He bent down over her and gave her a sweet kiss on her offered cheek and then he sat beside her. "It is good to see you Ana. You are as beautiful as always. Marriage and motherhood seems to agree with you."

"Thank you, Christian. You look well also." She was happy to see him fit and healthy. His family had kept her informed about his recovery. "I hear you and Sonja are together. She is such a sweet lady and I know that you will be happy with her."

"You and Cross are happy?" He asked somewhat hoping that she would lose her smile and start crying and beg him to take her back.

"Yes, we are." She found her purse and pulled out her wallet. She found the photographs of her son and showed them proudly to Christian. "This is Matthias Raymond Cross."

Christian took the photograph and studied the face of the dark haired boy that smiled up from the print. He was a handsome lad with his big blue eyes and dark black curls that covered his head. He certainly was Gideon's kid alright. "He is Gideon's." He gave her back the photograph. "You must be very proud."  
"I am." She said with a proud mother's smile. Christian felt his chest tighten. She was supposed to have his children. He looked away and got his thoughts under control. "Christian, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." He looked down at his hands. "I want to apologize to you for everything that I did to hurt you. You deserve to be happy and even though I loved you so much, I couldn't give you what you needed."

"You deserve to be happy also, Christian. I hope you and Sonja make it."

He gave a little laugh. "She is special." He felt himself blush. "I'm in love with her."

"Really?" Ana lit up in joy. "Oh, Christian…I am so happy for you both." She reached out and took his hand. "This is great news."

"You are happy for me?"

"Yes, I am very happy for you." She patted his hand. "You deserve to be happy, to have and give love, and to have peace. Sonja will be good for you. She is strong and you need that."

"You are strong also."

"I'm sorry that we couldn't make it, but we at least tried. Maybe we needed to go through all that to get us ready to appreciate Sonja and Gideon as the special people that they are."

"Yeah, I guess that's it." He turned to the waitress who came to take his drink order. "I'll take a coffee and a glass of water."

"What, no wine?" Ana asked softly.

"I quit drinking." He shrugged at her amazed look. "Sonja is a recovering alcoholic and I was abusing it."

"I understand." She remained quiet when the waitress brought Christian's coffee and water.

"Would you like to order now?" The waitress smiled at both Ana and Christian.

"Yes, I would like a grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing. Could I also get a glass of water with lemon?" Christian gave his order of grilled shrimp and steamed vegetables.

"Yes, Ma'm. Sir."

After the waiter left, Christian looked over the woman that woke up his humanity. "I never thanked you for everything you did for me. You made me live. I will always love you, Ana…that won't ever change, but I know that you are in love with Gideon. I accept that and I am moving on…hopefully with Sonja." His gray eyes soften the minute he thought about Sonja.

"You should marry her. I think she's good for you."

He nodded. "I do too." He gave a little chuckle. "Can you imagine our children? All that red hair."

"They will be adorable." Ana added as she laughed along with him. "Maybe someday our children will be friends. I hope that you and I can be friends especially since Kate is with Elliot."

"I would like that." Christian smiled at the woman who jump started his heart. His life was full of love and he could accept that love from his family and from Sonja. They were still holding each other's hands. They both experienced the feeling of friendship and warm regards for each other. It wasn't sexual, but friendly, almost like siblings. "I've never had a true female friend. This could be interesting."

"Christian, you will be alright." Ana said with a smile. She was glad that they made this appointment. They ran in the same social circles in both Seattle and New York and they needed to put their past behind them and forge a strong base of friendship for the sake of their family and friends. "You know I really like Sonja. She is talented, intelligent, and she won't take any of your shit."

"That I know." Christian proclaimed. "And, Gideon, he's a good man. I know that I was horrible to him at Elliot and Kate's wedding. I was so damn jealous." He took a deep breath. "I will have to apologize sometime for my comments."

"Christian Grey apologizing…wow that's amazing. I am impressed." Ana felt her phone vibrate and she motioned that she had to take this call when she the caller I.D. "Hey, Caesar…Yeah, I'm fine. It's going well." She gave Christian a wink. "We are about to get our food, then I have to run over to the hospital and take a quick meeting with Grace." She looked down at her wrist watch. "I'll be back to Kate and Elliot's around four…yes, I miss you, darling, and my baby boy. Give Matthias a big kiss from his Momma." She bit her lip as Gideon said something that made her blush. "We will discuss that later, Mr. Cross." She giggled and shied away to hide her pink face. "I love you, too."

Christian could see the love very evident on her face as she spoke to her husband. For once, he didn't feel jealous. "He misses you."

"Yeah, and he was a bit worried about this meeting." She said honestly. If they were going to be friends, they would have to be honest. "He was afraid that you would kidnap me and take me off to Bora Bora."

"A year ago, yes I would have." He admitted. "But, not now. I'm not saying that you're not attractive, oh god…you are even more beautiful…"

"Shhh…it's alright, Christian. I understand, you were in a bad place then. Now, you are doing fine. Don't worry about it." She looked up when she felt a presence at their table. She expected the waiter, not an angry red-head with fire in her green eyes. "Sonja?"

"You lying piece of shit!" Sonja whispered furiously. "You said you wouldn't…and you are here." Her eyes traced over their conjoined hands. "You bastard."

"Stop." Ana said standing up. "Sonja, you and I are friends through the Kavanaghs and you know me. Do you think that I would cheat on my husband?" She offered the angry woman a chair. "Please join us. Christian and I are just friends and we are finding our closure so he can move on…with you."

"Closure?" Sonja wiped the hot tears from her eyes. "I…was told…that…romantic dinner." She was so upset that she couldn't string her sentences together.

"Sonja, I'm not like that anymore. I told you this morning that I wanted a future with you. I didn't tell you about this meeting because I knew you would go off like this."

"You lied to me."

"Yes, I did, and I will never do it again. Ana and I are working toward putting our past behind us and moving into the future as friends."

"Friends?" Sonja asked weakly. She looked to Ana who was nodding agreement. "Fuck, I feel like a fool."

"Welcome to the club, Sonja." Christian said lowly. "I'm not cheating on you. I am fixing the wrongs that I have done. I need a clean slate to write my future on, and you are that future." He took her soft hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. "Do you understand now?"

"Yes, Christian." Sonja sighed in relief. She wiped away another tear and turned to Ana. "I am so sorry."

"Not a problem, "Son". The heart can drive anyone mad. I have one question though. Who told you that we", she motioned between herself and Christian, "were here?"

"I got a phone call from a woman saying that you two were having a romantic dinner and were nearly having sex in public." Ana looked to Christian. They didn't have to say a word. They knew who made that phone call. "What?"

"That fucking bitch whore." Ana said fiercely. "I thought you took care of that bitch."

"I did. I haven't seen or talked to her in months. I pulled out of the salons and refuse her any access to me or my family or my money. The last I heard, she left Seattle."

"Who? Damn it! Will someone please tell me what is going on here?" Sonja was in near hysterics.

"Elena Lincoln." Christian and Ana said together.

Fuck! Sonja knew the torrid details about Elena Lincoln and her pedophile relationship with Christian. He actually shared this information with her during a couple's therapy session with John Flynn. "I thought she left the country."

"It seems that the bitch is back." Ana said with a deep and dangerous voice. "And, it looks like she is making her way to us as we speak."

Elena Lincoln looked the same. Plastic, fierce, domineering, and hateful. She smiled in her fake snake-like way as she stood before the three. "Isn't this sweet? Christian with his whores." She pulled out a chair. "May I?"

"No." Ana said lowly.

"Why so hostile, Anastasia? You got what you wanted. You fucked Christian over then moved on to Gideon Cross. I would say your life was benefited by my interference. I save you from him." She pointed one long skinny perfectly manicured finger at Christian. She then turned her attention to Sonja. "Be grateful, bitch. He's not what he seems. He tries to play at normal, but just wait… in a few months…he will be back to the clubs trolling for a little brunette that reminds him of his dead mommy."

"I think you should leave." Christian slowly rose to his feet. He was in Dom mode. His shoulders were square, his chin was set and those eyes were hard and cold. "This is no place for trash like you."

"I am still a member here."

"No, you are not." Christian said lowly. "When I pulled out of the salons, your membership was cancelled."

"Oh, yes, under the name, Lincoln, but you see my little pet, I have a new name. I guess you haven't heard…I remarried." She exposed her left hand to show a diamond wedding set. "I am now Mrs. Paul Clayton."

Ana turned white. "Holy Fuck!"


End file.
